Story Soundtrack: Wednesday Morning, 3am – Simon & Garfunkel
"I can hear the soft breathing of the girl that I love
As she lies here beside me asleep with the night
And her hair in a fine mist floats on my pillow
Reflecting the glow of the winter moonlight"
Following on from my earlier pieces, Jacob and Rachel have been in a relationship for a couple of months now. Still keeping it quiet. Still abiding by her "no sex on assignment rule". Still visiting the beach house when they can.
I have split this story into three chapters as each scene is quite distinct from the others. Unlike my previous stories though, this one is written from Jacob's point of view.
Whilst the above song is the overarching soundtrack for the story, the individual chapters do not have a musical soundtrack. Instead I am drawing from a radio play entitled "Nick Silver Can't Sleep" which was performed by Rufus Sewell (and others) several years ago. Apologies to those who haven't heard it as it's no longer available in its entirety for download. In any case, please imagine the words as spoken by Rufus in his intense, throaty whisper. It is a play about plants and insomniacs.
"It keeps getting dark, over and over
A dew of sadness blankets everything
The air's thin and warm and I have trouble breathing
I feel lost and anxious and trapped"
"So tell me Jacob, are you sleeping with Rachel Young?"
The question hit him like a bolt out of the blue, cracking into his sternum with such force that it made him draw breath.
/Shit/
Jacob looked at Frank, his old friend, FBI Director, his boss, and his heart hammered against his rib cage. He could feel this was going to end badly.
"Why would you ask me that Frank?"
"Because I know you Jacob, I know you well. I can see it in your eyes."
/Shit/
"You can see what?"
"I can see that you're happy. And I've not seen you this happy since you fell in love with Maggie. I've watched a lot of crap happen to you over the years Jacob. I've seen you broken and destroyed. And right now I'm seeing you happy for the first time in a long, long time."
He paused.
"I saw how you were together at the science centre benefit. I saw how she looked at you."
/Shit/
The two men sat silently for a few moments, staring at each other through the haze of cigar smoke. Jacob reached over to the coffee table that sat between their two leather armchairs and topped up their whiskey glasses from the almost empty bottle of 10 year old malt. They'd already been in the club for a good couple of hours. He handed Frank's glass to him.
"I think you might need this"
"Jacob, talk to me. Are you sleeping with Rachel Young?"
/Sleeping with her, sleeping with her, sleeping with her. That sounds so trashy. Of course I'm sleeping with her Frank, of course I am, I love her /
He sighed. "Frank, it's complicated. I'm not sleeping with her. I mean I'm not just sleeping with her".
"Are you sharing her bed?"
/Not often enough/
"Only when we aren't working."
The other man's eyebrows raised sharply.
"I think we're arguing semantics don't you Jacob. You know you can't have a personal relationship with your partner under FBI protocol, don't you?"
/Fuck the FBI/
"Well she's not exactly my partner is she? I mean I'm not strictly an FBI agent so she can't be my partner".
"Partner, Handler, there's no difference Jacob. Neither of those titles can be accompanied by 'and lover'."
/I should have been more prepared for this. I should have gone to him with it. Attack is the best form of defence/
Jacob was silent. He looked down at his hand holding the fat cigar.
/At least I'm not seeing her later. She'd hate the smell of this/
"Are you in love with her Jacob?"
He was silent.
/Of course I'm in love with her. With my heart and soul/
"Is she in love with you?"
/Well, she's keeping it quiet if she is/
"If I told you that you would have to give up her or give up your job, which would you choose?"
/I'd give up everything I have, everything I own, I'd give up my life for her/
Finally he spoke, quietly. "I think you already know the answer to that, Frank"
"That's what I was afraid of." He paused. "Look Jake, I'll give you some time. I'm sorry but that's all I can do. I'll give you some time to talk it through and sort out what you both want to do. I don't want to lose either of you. She's a good agent, one of our best. Which is why I assigned her to you in the first place. She's due for a promotion soon though, I could give her a posting in Counter Terrorism – I know that's where she wants to go. But you'll need to have a new Handler".
/Never/
"I can give you a couple of months tops, but then I'll need to know."
/I'll never accept a new Handler/
Jacob nodded.
/Never/
The smaller man reached over and placed his hand on Jacob's arm. "This isn't the end of the world Jake, don't let it get to you. You must have known it would come to this. If you just let her transfer to CT and you accept a new Handler – without pissing them off at every available opportunity - the relationship doesn't have to end. And I'll be your best man again".
/Best man again. At my wedding. When I marry her. We've never even spoken about it, there's a lot we've never spoken about, I don't even know if she loves me/
"You need to understand though Jacob, that if this leaks out in the meantime, that it has to be on your head. I can't back you up. We never had this conversation."
Jacob sighed and rubbed his forehead slowly with his hand.
"Absolutely. I do understand Frank. Thankyou, thanks for giving us some time. I do appreciate it, really I do. It's just……… it's just hard. I don't really know how things stand just yet. She can be quite reserved sometimes. I think she's worried about the future as well. We both are."
"Just give her some time. Not everyone wears their heart on their sleeve like you do Jake. She's FBI, she's been trained to be cautious. But I've seen how she looks at you. I wouldn't worry. She adores you."
/How does she look at me Frank? She adores me, but does she love me?/
"Anyhow, let's not dwell on it anymore," Frank said with a wry smile. He topped up their glasses once again, draining the bottle of whiskey and motioned to the waiter. 'I think it's time for vodka."
Jacob winced slightly, "Jesus, I'd forgotten about Sergei."
Frank laughed. "How could you forget our old friend Sergei? We've only been drinking to his health for the last 20 years. Have you heard from him lately?"
"Yeah, got an email from him a couple of weeks ago asking for some advice on brain chemistry analysis. Apparently he's working on a project for the Russian government, wouldn't tell me what. He said it makes a welcome change from being a tenured professor. A little bit of glamour and excitement he said. Didn't have the heart to tell him that none of this is glamorous or exciting."
/More like dangerous and deadly, too dangerous for her/
By the time they'd finished the last of the whiskey, the ice cold bottle of vodka had arrived accompanied by two shot glasses, a bowl of black caviar, crackers, a bowl of very finely diced hard boiled egg yolk and another of the finely diced white.
"Well, we've got him to thank for this. It still makes me laugh to this day that you can't eat a simple piece of fish yet you can down a bowl of caviar."
Jacob laughed "It's the vodka, Frank. It doesn't matter what you eat, if it's accompanied by half a bottle of vodka."
/It doesn't matter what you have to think about if it's accompanied by half a bottle of vodka/
And the two men settled down in the easy companionship borne of many years of friendship, to finish their night.
Jacob was only half present though.
/Shit/