A/N: So guys, first off, first one. Sorry for any mistakes, as this hasn't been beta-ed. I just started writing and this came out. It's a little bit plotless but I think I might do a Sirius POV and then...actually I dunno, haha. Need your help there!

Be nice 'cause I'm a wee fanfiction virgin :P, read and give me you thoughts. If you hate it, why bother flaming, it's just a waste of your time. Non?

Love Weasie xxx

Disclaimer: No, they aren't mine. I wish they were. I wish upon a streetlamp every night but it just never seems to happen to me. Oh, the shame.

Warning: Possibly slash, depends how you guys take it.

I'm confused by you. You make me happy and sad in a single sentence. You can change my demeanor in a word and make it last for days. I sit for hours thinking of you without realising and when I do I try and banish you from my mind. It never works, you reappear soon enough, to embrace my whirling thoughts.

I've stopped eating, I hardly speak, you are ruining me. I want to hate you for that, but you are impossible to hate.

Sometimes you seem to feel the same way, you smile at me and make me laugh. And cause me to forget where I am. Just for that moment I believe me and you could be happy together. Laugh, cry, play. Then you say something insultive or hurtful and the spell breaks. I want to cry, to hurt you, to make you realise how much pain I'm in. But I can't do that, I couldn't do that to anyone. I burden this on myself only.

So I smile blandly or pretend not to care. Or make up some reason why my face has fallen so low.

"What's up Moony?"

"Oh, nothing." I shrug. "Just thinking."

"You do that too much, you know, it's bad for you."

"I know." Of course I know. I should just lean over and whisper my love in your ear and laugh at James' and Peter's widening eyes. But I won't, I will never. Too scared of rejection from you. Too scared, of however much you pretend, the inevitable mutilation of our relationship, of the end of The Marauders, of us.

So Sirius, my friend, source of my pain. I shall stay silent. Retreat this secret within myself. This one I promise to the Moon you shall not find out about.

"Moons?"

"Uh huh?"

"What is it Padfoot?" Surely not more important than Ancient Runes?"

Sirius scoffs, snorts right into the back of my head and my hair fluffs up.

"Anythings better than translating how horny the monks were back then."

I turn the page. "Is everything about sex with you, Paddy?"

"I'm a growing boy." He looks affronted so I copy his expression.

"Me too."

"You're different though Moons."

"How so?"

"You're special."

"I know, I'm your saviour, aren't I, Pads?"

"Mmmm."

He turns to me for a hug and clings like a child, his necklaces, cold, bang up against my face and neck and burn. James arrives, we break apart and although the hug was uncomfortable, I yearn for it back.

James stares into my eyes.

"You alright, Moony? You're looking a bit white."

"Fine, Prongs...honestly, I am."

"If you say so."

Him and Sirius sit down across from me in some comfy armchairs and despite looking so different their actions suggest they are brothers. Both curl their stockinged feet into the rich red carpet and smile in the same corner of their mouths. They rock forwards towards me at the same time. And I know the look in their faces; they have an idea to run past me. A supposedly good idea, leading no doubt, to causing absolute havoc.

Oh, I could not wait.

"How many people are going to get hurt?" I ask, ignoring the pain on Sirius' face.

"None," says James; hazel eyes brimming with excitement from behind steel frames and lose strands of hair. "Comedy value only."

"You're sure?"

"Trust us, Moons," and I did. Because his eyes meeting mine, those silver grey eyes and they were growling with thunderous thrill.

I shut my book, "Alright," I say smiling slightly, "Fill me in."

"AWW! NOO!! Remus, tell them I can't."

"Sorry, Peter, but you know the house elves better than anyone. They trust you. They actually like you."

"Yeah, Pete, Moony's right, you'll be perfect for the job."

Peter sighs dramaticly and pretends to be disgusted with the idea of tricking his beloved house elves but I knew he was like us, caught in the chase. He felt the need for the buzz we always get when our ideas go right. It's like nothing you've ever felt before, your hands go all shaky and your teeth chatter, the best feeling in the whole world.

I watch as Pete practically skips to the kitchen and Sirius giggles beside me.

"This is going to be fucking brilliant," he breathes and I nod and twitch a grin in his direction. We begin to walk up to Charms which we were already five minutes late for. As per usual.

We walk in comfortable silence and I use the time to examine my friend. He changes everyday, you know. Changes his hair, his stance, his walk, sometimes his accent just because he feels like it.

Today his shoulder length black wavy hair was lose, swinging with his steps, falling over his smoky grey eyes. Sometimes he lines his eyes, but recently he seemed to think that it was shallow so he no longer does so. His robes were lose around his slim build and his tangle of necklaces and pedants jangle against his body when he walks, they apparently warn off evil spirits of past Blacks. He wears Doc Martins, because they are cool and they piss off his mother. He looks so much older than his sixteen years but at the same time he is the most immature person I know.

He sees me looking. He smiles widely at me. Reaches over and grabs me round the shoulder, pulls me into a one armed hug. We stop walking and he places his chin on the top of my head. Over four inches taller than me, two more than James. Though I think James will catch up soon, as he is becoming more gangly by the day, he is all elbows and knees.

"Sirius?" I mumble into his chest.

"Yeah?"

"Charms; we're late."

"I know, but I feel that making an entrance is important and we need to make sure people are settled down before we try. Besides I know all of Charms."

I lift my head up to look into those deep eyes. "All of Charms? Sure, Paddy, sure."

He tries not to laugh, "Okay, okay not all of it but I know what I want to know. Is there any need to learn more?" He gives me no time to answer, possibly because he knows what I'm going to say. "No, no there is not."

I huff and commence walking again. He bites his lip in a grin and starts after me. Ten seconds into it and he stops walking.

"What now, Paddy?" I'm getting a bit exasperated now, I do actually want to attend some of my class after all.

"Moons, you know if...if...if you listen to a proper sad song and you get those chills?" He looks at me for conformation and I dip my head in agreement.

"Yes, I know."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you get those chills?"

He does that often, catches me out, because I truly did not know the answer to his question. He asks me many questions I don't have the answer to, or I do, it's just that I can't tell him the answer.

"I actually don't know Paddy."

"Oh..okay." He's not disappointed that I don't know. But I would have still liked to have the answer just to give him it.

"Maybe something to do with the way you react to grief."

"I thought you cry."

"People can do a lot worse than cry."

"Like what?"

"Like..." he's so cutely naive, "..like...hurting others, killing themselves, going mad."

"I'm glad none of us are in grief then."

"I am." I tease and he narrows his eyes at me.

"Why?" he says suspicously.

"Cos I'm missing Charms. C'mon you sloth."

"Sloth?! Is that the best you can come up with?" But I'm not listening, too busy running to get to Charms, too busy worrying about how close I got to telling Sirius what I'm grieving over really. Of telling him of the love I'm oppressing.

The plan was simple. Poison the whole school. Only, there was complications.

Firstly the house elves trust none of us except Peter to come to the kitchen just before and after meal times mainly due to earlier events. This means we must entrust a huge amount of responsibility to the small boy, bless him. I know he will do well, people trust him. So the house elves will too.

Secondly the potion was, well difficult. Though thankfully the ingredients were easy to get to. I would however have to convince my friend, James' object of lust and potion extraordinaire Lily Evans to make it for us. As none of The Marauders have any talent whatsoever when it come to making potions.

Peter and I are the worst. Anywhere near the mixture we go and the whole thing explodes in our faces, burning not just us but anyone nearby. Last lesson, Slughorn left the room for two minutes and when he came back, the whole class was covered in Disturbing Draft. James grew a wart that looked rather like a chimney coming out of his nose. And Alex Darcey-Lee's ear hair was catching in between the flagstones. He had to hold up off the floor to walk properly.

And the potion itself? It was beautiful. I mean the idea was wonderful. James found it in the Restricted Section of the library when he was looking for a charm to give Snape new found curves; it changes the drinker into the animal they like most, so Sirius will be a black dog and James a stag but I doubt Peter will be a rat. I, on the other hand have no idea. I obviously won't be the wolf because I hate it. Perhaps a panther, I like their green eyes, how they shine in the dark.

The best part though, I am shameful to say but, is that the potion lasts for a whole day and there is no known antidote so the school is going to be in chaos. I made sure however that Sirius had promised to lock the library before breakfast. He did so ungratefully and I scolded him.

So he mocked me, "Remie, Remie and his precious books, on which he wastes all his good looks."

"Haha, how amusing."

"Love your sarcasm Moons. It suits your face shape." Only Sirius calls me Moons, I don't know why.

"Lily, how are you? We've not spoken in a while."

"What? Remus, could you speak a bit louder I can't hear you over James' awful singing."

"HOW ARE YO--Lily! You didn't need to do that!"

"I did, Remus, I know he's your friend but he deserved it. The song was really quite disrespectful."

"He deserved something, I don't believe it needed to be quite so harsh."

"He'll come round soon. Don't worry. There probably won't even be a bruise."

I give Lily a reproachful look but she just smiles and motions towards the seat next to her. I sit down and sigh, lean back into the warm embrace of the Gyffindor common room sofa, the seat sifts slightly underneath me and I hear it exhale slowly as I sink into it.

"What was it you wanted Remus?"

"I need help with a potion."

"Now..." I knew Lily had guessed, I knew it. "..is that a potion for class, or for the magnificent Marauders?"

"For..umm...a class." I suggest uneasily, trying a small smile for the fiery red-head. She scrutises me for a moment, her famous jade eyes set against mine. Then her face breaks into a loud bark of laughter.

"Whatever, Remus. I refuse to believe you. But..." She pretends to be making a hard decision. "I suppose I could help you, just this once, then you'll maybe forgive me for the crime against your friend."

"What crime? Where?" I stare around wide-eyed and in shock. "Lily? What have you do--...oh."

James lay still unconscious on floor. His lips painted rouge, cheeks a bright pink and his eyelids a blinding sky blue, his eyelashes had grown about a inch and his hair, newly dyed peroxide blond sat in two little plaits on either side of his head. The words "Lily Evans screwed with this" circled his neck like a choker necklace and they change from pink to yellow and back again.

"Cruel, Lily, very very cruel."

Sirius glides over, "Hey Evans," he nods at me, "Rem." He notices I don't say a word and looks a little hurt. I bow my head towards James and he glances down at the floor. He makes himself sick because he laughs so hard.

The dorm is a little cold as I enter and I search for the draught. Peter lies asleep next to the open window. His face is turned to the breeze as a flower to the sun and I suppose he left it open to try and keep him awake. The smaller boy snuffles in his sleep as I lean over him to close the window and the bang it makes when I do wakes him up.

"Sorry, Peter." I murmur, "Go back to sleep."

He doesn't hear me and looks around the dorm, his white-blond eyelashes are strangely bright in the half-light and his watery blue eyes look kind of lost.

"Hey Rem." He whispers at me, only just noticing I was there. "I talked to the elves."

"You did?"

"Yeah," he yawns, "I felt kinda bad about it to be honest, like the poor things...Anyway, I said that like we had a cheering drink to put in the breakfast drinks sometime next week and that like would they mind helping us to get it out in time, if it wasn't any bother at all, I was totally polite and everything Moony, honestly I was. They totally believed me, I felt like so in control." He beams at me and I ruffle his cream coloured hair.

"You did well, Peter, did really well."

"Thanks."

"Have you seen James?"

"Yeah, I felt bad for him."

"He brought it on himself, you know, Peter. He murdered the 'Southern Girl' song."

"But Lily's from Newcastle."

"I know he changed the words; 'Northern Lass, could ya shag me?' I think was the gist."

Peter shakes his head and I smirk.

"Going to bed?" I ask him and he nods.

"Will you help me with this tomorrow, Remus, its really hard. Professor. Kruisharen was quite mean to us today."

"Sure, Peter, sure I'll help."

"Got the potion Rems?" James is so brilliantly excited, we are up at the crack of dawn and usually this would kill the boy for the whole day but he is wired, so very very cranked up. His make up has disappeared but the words still circle his neck, they have worn down a little and now read "Evans screwed." I think Karma exists.

I open my mouth to answer but Siruis beats me to it.

"Of course Moons has it, he always does his part the best." He smirks at me and I feel a blush creeping up my neck. "Plus Lily trusts him more than you Prongsie."

James aims a punch in his direction but he ducks and it swings wide.

He hides behind my back in mock terror and squeals, "Quick, young wolfie, defend me."

"Sirius don't say that, someone will hear."

James laughs, "It's half six in the morning outside the kitchens, I doubt even the ghosts are up."

He claps Peter on the back and hands him the huge conical flask in which the fantastic purple potion swirls in, "Go on my son." He commands in a fatherly voice and pushes him gently towards the tickly pear. "We'll see you at breakfast, oh," he fishes in his pockets, "take the map, you don't wanna get lost."

Peter shakly smiles and takes the map. Sirius winks in his direction. "Make us proud, boyo." He is Welsh today.

We move off together and I look over my shoulder to see Peter disappearing behind a solid wooden door that wasn't there before.

James cheers suddenly and I jump. "Prank number 6489 in action, success predicited?"

"Total fucking sweet success." Sirius high-fives James and the two of them giggle. I shake my head and tut and so they pull me into a double hug, James on one side, Sirius pressed slightly harder in my other.

"We won't let go until you tell us how actually amazing this day is going to be."

"This day will absolutely amazing; happy now?"

"No."

"Umm...why not? By the way, I'm losing the will to live here."

"You have to tell us what animal you're going to be."

"I actually have no clue."

Sirius loosens his grip on me, "I think you'd be an eagle."

"An eagle?" Me and James look lost, "Why, an eagle?"

"Because," He lets me go and stares into my eyes properly, "You have the right eyes, watchful and observant and...like...deep. You're definitely a golden eagle. You like them too, don't you. You told me once that they should use them instead of owls."

I feel my mouth curl at the edges, he remembers? But that was so long ago.

James lets go of me as well and stands beside Sirius, "He's right you know. About you. He knows you too well."

I laugh quietly. "Not joking," James says, "he does. Knows you better than anyone."

The awkward moment is broken and forgotten as Peter comes tearing out of the kitchen, the colossal conical flask containing only a few dregs.

"I did it!" He shouts joyfully on spotting us. "I actually did it."

"Knew you could Pete." I say and he grins at me toothily.

"Did you do the staff?" James questions but I step in.

"I told him not to."

"Why, Moony, that would have been class."

"Incase someone turns into a fish or a dolphin or something and needs water to survive."

"God, Moony. You think of everything. You genius."

I laugh.

We head up to the Gryffindor tower so we are not suspiciously turning up to breakfast two hours early.

A/N: So I stopped it there because it was getting awful long and I didn't know whether it was worth it or not to keep going.

The song 'Southern Girl' is by Incubus and is actually so romantic, but I love the idea of James trying his best and completely ruining it.

So review guys, go on. Spread the love...xxx