Axel's Lament
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN KINGDOM HEARTS OR ANY OF THE SQUARE ENIX CHARACTERS. THIS IS MY VIEW ON THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN AXEL AND ROXAS AND WHAT IT'S TRULY LIKE TO BE A NOBODY. HOPE YOU ENJOY. PLEASE R&R. LOVE XXXXX
I MISS him already. He always used to go off into these weird daydreams. None of us bother with worrying about our OTHER PAST. I guess it's kind of different when you can literally bump into your past in the street like he can whereas ours are just sour MEMORIES that aren't and never really will be actual memories. It's a COMPLICATED business being one of us. You might think it's easy, some might even wish to be like us; UNFEELING and with no cares in the world. It's not as simple as that. I may not be able to get hungry or thirsty and not be able to feel any PAIN but I can't TREASURE him like a REAL FRIEND should…. I know I SHOULD feel something. I know that I WANT feel something. But I can't.
If only, if only we had what all of you take for granted. Hearts? Souls? Whatever you want to call it that we Nobodies lack. It's hard having a best friend that you can't reach out and touch, that you can't give an honest smile to or receive one from. Its HEARTBREAKING knowing he can LEAVE me any time he wants and CAN'T feel any remorse. But then again I wouldn't feel anything if he left anyway. It's the gaping hole that's left, you CAN'T FEEL it but you know it SHOULD BE there and…. Oh I don't know.
It's a CURSE being gifted with intellect and free will. I think a "WISE" man once said that it was better to be a human "DISSATISFIED" than a pig "SATISFIED"…. I guess he never knew a Nobody like us. What is a Nobody apart from a hollow shell? These powers I've been gifted after – what shall I call it – death, what are their uses? "FLURRY OF DANCING FLAMES" a title I never requested. "THE KEY TO DESTINY" a title he borrowed from his other. We're stuck in this limbo between REALITY and false memories that were once our own but are now lost to all of us; except his. She kept his SAFE. Where was she when we were "BORN"?
But she is not why I speak… I'm talking about him. The best friend I haven't really got. I need him back; we can be incomplete together, fight through this together like we should be doing. Why is it that he is so special that he has another life and the chance to regain his heart? I WANT to miss him. I NEED to miss him. I need some reassurance that there is some point to this plan of ours. The unspoken vow that we would both become WHOLE again. The unspoken but unwittingly broken vow that we would not be separated before the end.
That one statement runs wildly through my hollow mind as I watch him leave again, "No one would miss me", no they won't…. but I should. I know what it would be like to miss you. It might just be a cheap imitation but I WANT to miss you, with all my remnants of memories of hearts I "CRAVE" to miss you. Isn't that good enough? No of course it isn't. Not compared to what he can give you if you rejoin him. I will get you back. I will keep you close, prove to you that in the end you don't need him; I'll be all you'll ever need. A friend, a brother, a partner in crime. They will all learn that this non existent fire burns like the fortifications of hell and will not keep us apart. My best friend, my true other and the key to MY HEART. I will see you again soon, I promise. I'll be WAITING.