The phone rings, it's Axel again, boy, he bothers me a lot. He's always calling me because the only way for him to get away from his crazy friends and have some peace and quiet is to come over to my house (and then get into a ton of trouble with me, of course). So every day it typically goes like this: Axel wants to come over to get away from the crazies, and then the crazies find him and hang out at my place, too. Who are the crazies? Well, of course he has his group from Kingdom Hearts, but he has a lot of other friends, too. He's a very popular guy, basically because everyone can give him hell and he just sits there with a sarcastic grin on his face and takes it while muttering something really funny under his breath. That's Axel for you.
Before we get into any stories about what Axel and I have been up to lately, I should really emphasize that the Kingdom Hearts, or technically the Kingdom of Hearts, that Axel comes from in this story is actually a lot bigger than is commonly thought. It's headed by Ariraona, also known as Ra. Yes, that Ra. If you've seen Stargate then you know who he is. But to describe him quickly, he is the Top of Everything, meaning the God of All Gods, the God of Sun, Light, and Everything In-between, Around and Through. Axel is one of his best friends.
Anyway, getting back to Ra, or Rara as he's known by his friends, I should point out that he's a lot less intimidating-looking than you might expect. He has long black hair down to his ankles and wears a lot of very fashionable jewelry. He spends his time inventing imaginary friends that end up becoming people on Earth, and so that's how Axel came to be. Incidentally, it would seem that all of Rara's friends are rock-star "wannabes" with awesome hair and wild personalities. This is the way Rara likes it because he's basically a big Egyptian rockstar wannabe himself. Rara has infinite magical and cosmic power. He can make himself into anything he wants, so all of his friends are his own creations out of himself. Unfortunately, that means Rara's inner sense of ridiculousness is carried through to all of his friends in some way or another.
Rara has a bit of a multiple personality problem, actually, and this is something that comes with the territory of being God. That is, he can see himself as anything, so he experiments with different looks and styles to keep himself interesting. Being God would be boring otherwise.
There are a lot of friends in this story who were invented just for fun by Rara. I will introduce them as they come into the picture. Welcome to my life, the life of hanging out with Rara and his gang of crazies.
Getting back to what I was saying at the beginning of this story, Axel is coming over because he needs to have some personal space. The poor guy can't get away from people storming after him for autographs and pictures. He hides out with me. To pass the time we use his magic abilities to invent our own little fantasy shorts to see what happens when we let our creative minds wander. We're currently working on one called the Island of Hell. Let's get into this one.
Picture an isolated tropical island. Actually, there are two islands separated by a deep strip of water filled with flesh-eating piranhas. On one island, an entire football team is stranded
due to an unfortunate plane crash that could have been partial inspiration for the TV show LOST if it wasn't for the fact that no one wants to watch a show about a bunch of stinky, smelly men trapped on an island. On the other island, Rara is stranded with Axel, Saix, Jareth (basically, David Bowie with fantastic hair), and me. I'm just some girl Rara invented to amuse himself endlessly. So yes, that's the Island of Hell set-up, folks. Before we continue, you should know that Saix pictures himself to be a very effeminate and charming blue-eyed beauty with long sexy white hair and bangs that he often flips nonchalantly with his fingertips. Oh, and he's kind of on the short side, too. Anyway, he's very pretty and the football team on the other island wants Sexi (Saix's nickname) all to themselves. So basically that's how this story goes.
Time passes and everyone starts to go a bit crazy. There isn't any food except for very strange-looking coconuts and tiny rodents. Axel has too good of a heart to eat a mouse but can't seem to get the thought of a burger out of his mind. So he starts carrying a mouse around in his pocket and licks it occasionally for the taste of protein. The rest of us just stick to coconuts, except for Jareth who licks his own hair just to remember the taste of something other than coconuts. Of course, the coconuts are poisonous and cause everyone to start to hallucinate that Richard Simmons is running around the island in very glamorous 80s exercise sweats. Axel, however, thinks it's Xena the Warrior Princess that's running around the island instead of Richard Simmons. This leads everyone to have some strongly worded arguments about who is actually circumnavigating the place every hour on the hour (it's the only way to tell time on an island, didn't you know that?). Incidentally, we believe it was the combination of mouse hair and coconut fibers that made Axel see such a strange vision. Now, seeing Richard Simmons is completely normal under these trying conditions, but seeing Xena...not so much.
To bring the story of the Island of Hell to a close, just know that Sexi is eventually kidnapped by the troupe of smelly football players and dragged kicking and scratching across the ocean to their domain. He was kicking and scratching primarily to keep the piranhas at bay, but the football players just thought he was being flirtatious. Once he is escorted back to their island, the football players decide to lay out their wares to see if Sexi is willing to trade himself for anything that they have. The football players have tons of gadgets from their crashed plain, including a microwave oven and a refrigerator with no door that doesn't work, of course. This, however, does not impress Sexi. In other words, no sale. So Saix spends six days straight calling over across the ocean to the rest of his gang, "help me Rhonda, help help me Rhonda". Saix has a very sultry voice that turns everyone on, making his escape from the nightmarish, overly manly-man-type group of football players all the more interesting.
Finally, Rara can't bear to hear one more repeat of Help Me, Rhonda. So, he takes pity on Sexi and calls to his giant flying pyramid (he is Ra after all) to swoop down from beyond and beam everyone back up to where they came from, leaving the football players befuddled as to the sudden disappearance of the Kingdom Hearts guys and gal. After his departure, the football players realize that Sexi wasn't a girl after all, and therefore wouldn't work out very well as a cheerleader. They decide that they'd rather just sit around and drink warm beer from the fridge that doesn't work, smoke some seaweed, and discuss their tax returns. Yep, Saix really dodged a bullet this time.
This has been an example of what Axel and I do on a daily basis. We invent stories that come to life on their own. Scary, isn't it? Terrifying, actually.