Title: On Gaiaberries and Guilt
Rating: K+ - Minor words and...food angst?
Timeframe/Info About This Fic: Inspired by the scene in 4x4 where the knights were messing around with the food and Merlin (as well as the episodes with the er, gorgeous Wildren)
Disclaimer: If I owned Merlin, Wildren and Gaiaberries would be a staple to any diet.
Authors Note: This is a little threeshot that I've cooked up (geddit? cooked up -shot-). It was originally meant to be a oneshot with Merlin complaining...but I was suddenly inspired to add something else. Hopefully you guys'll like it :D
Merlin was fed up. Not literally—that was the exact opposite reason as to why he was so frustrated. No, Merlin, secret warlock and protector of Prince Arthur was tired of not eating. Arthur and his merry band of Camelot Knights had set off on another long trek through the wilderness looking for who knew what—and of course that meant someone had to come along to fix the capes, and mend the armor, and cook the food. Cooking the food especially made Merlin furious.
"I don't see why they can't cook their own damn food," the boy grumbled into the pot where he was performing said action. "They've got hands and brains. Well, some of them do." He stirred the thick, simmering broth in the dark pot with abandon. Merlin no longer cared about conserving all of the soup any more. It wasn't as if he was going to get a spoonful anyway. Any extra that might have been miraculously spared would instead be donated to the dogs or the horses (which Merlin did not understand at all) or any random stranger passing by. Once, a bandit who had tried to kill Prince Arthur was given a bowl of soup, and Merlin was forced to scavenge for rotten apples. When Merlin pointed this out, rather politely, in his honest opinion, he received a handful of insults, some halfcocked explanation, and a kick at the behind. Merlin sloshed the boiling liquid in the pot a bit more violently. If he couldn't have some of the soup, then he sure as hell would make sure the others didn't get their full amount either.
"Merlin! Are you so much of an idiot that you can't even stir our dinner without making a complete fool of yourself? We still have to be able to eat that, remember?" Arthur's jeer brought the matter of food to the attention of the rest of the knights, and they soon flocked towards the scalding fire, the incensed cook, and the boiling vat of liquid. Not a good combination when the incensed cook was also perhaps the world's most powerful warlock.
Merlin gritted his teeth as the rest of the men all found faults with his methods of preparing food. Needless to say, the manservant was a bit bitter.
"There doesn't seem to be much left," Gwaine was smirking. No doubt he stopped off at some tavern before we left. It's not like what I feed him is going to stay in his stomach anyway.
"You're no Royal Cook," Sir Leon agreed with a grin. I'm sure you wish the Royal Cook was here instead of me. It's not like she is a powerful warlock whose destiny was foretold many centuries in advance. I'm certain that is more impressive than roasted lamb.
Even Percival's terse "I'm hungry" was particular grating to the boy magician. Only Lancelot did not pester the boy on his culinary skills—rather lack of skills. But he was still looking at the pot of food expectantly.
Like the tub of broth he was attempting to cook, Merlin's temper was boiling over. In a fit of anger that was rare for the boy, he threw the metal spoon back into the pot. Its loud clanging and the splashing, hot liquid caused all of the men to stop in their joking. Many jumped back and eyed the possibly deranged boy with caution. Merlin surged to his feet and rounded on the cause of all of his grief since he entered Camelot—Prince Arthur, the arrogant.
"I am sick and tired of all of this!" Merlin's voice was just short of shrieking. "I have made every single meal and instead of a simple 'thank you,' I get complaints and insults." He took special care to shoot a glare at Sir Leon and Gwaine. "I may not be a Royal Cook, but I think my food isn't that bad, thank you very much." Clearly exasperated, Merlin threw his hands up into the air and continued on his rant. "Not that I'd know what my food tastes like, mind you. From the moment these pointless quests begin, I never get anything to eat. It's always 'go feed the horses, Merlin' and 'go collect more firewood, Merlin.' By the time I get back to eat whatever may be left, it's gone!" The boy took a deep breath, but that was as much of a break he took. Based on the expression on Arthur's face, the moment he stopped his raving, he was bound to be hanged. But it felt so good to get everything out…even if it was going to kill him.
Not like it mattered though, since he was going to starve to death eventually anyway.
"By the time we get back from these quests, my ribs are showing!" Merlin pressed down on his thin blue tunic. Someone, the young warlock had a feeling it may have been Gwaine or Lancelot, reached towards the spot to see if the boy was right. Not wanting to be distracted from his rant, Merlin slapped the hand away savagely and continued his shouting. About ten minutes had passed, and Merlin was finally starting to wind down. He was honestly shocked that he was able to get so much off of his chest that was related only to food. As he made his last scathing remark dealing with Gwaine's socks and shelled beans, he observed the various expressions on the faces of his audience. Percival was, like always, about as stoic as a rock. The usual smirk had vanished from Gwaine's face, and was replaced by a slightly gaped mouth. Lancelot had a deep frown stitched across his face, lines wrinkling his forehead. Sir Leon looked quite embarrassed with a deeply flushed face, which did not flatter him at all. Elyan's eyes were wide and focused solely on the ground. There was only one man in the party who did not look particularly ashamed from the boy's rant. Arthur simply had his arms crossed and raised a single blonde eyebrow. He cleared his throat and the other knights took that as their not-so-subtle signal to leave. All four of them tried hard not to meet Merlin's fierce gaze as they slunk away.
"Is that how you really feel, Merlin?" Arthur's voice was calm, which made the manservant wince slightly. What was that phrase? It's always calm before the storm? However it went, it was a pretty apt description of his relationship with Arthur's larynx.
Merlin nodded angrily. No point in backing down now. I've already sacked myself. "I don't think you treat me well at all. I'd appreciate a thank you every now and then. A little bit of the food I actually made would be nice as well."
"You're the servant, though. It's your job to prepare everything for us," Arthur countered, still in the same even tone. Somehow, Merlin could tell, he just wasn't quite able to grasp the reason behind his manservant's anger.
Unable to come up with a decent answer, since Arthur's basic logic seemed pretty straightforward, Merlin mumbled a few choice words under his breath as he stomped back to the fire. He continuously claimed that he was no longer their cook, but no one paid him any more attention than usual. The knights of Camelot all knew that Merlin wouldn't stop making food, even if the world was ending.
The worst part was that Merlin knew it too. Because if he stopped cooking, Camelot would soon fall due to a lack of leaders. They'd starve, and Merlin supposed that'd mean there'd be no Albion then. Which it probably wouldn't be a good thing to defy my destiny, he thought as he settled back down to the fire to finish making the meal for that ungrateful band of knights and their pompous leader.
Merlin stirred a handful of herbs into the soupy liquid in hopes of attempting to give the brownish liquid the semblance of flavor. As he watched the dried leaves swirl in the bubbling broth, a thought struck the boy. "I could be serving them poison…and they'd never know until it was too late." A crooked smile tugged at the corner of the boy magician's mouth.
That's actually not that bad of an idea…
What is Merlin going to do? Hopefully we'll find out sometime soon, and hopefully Merlin's narration isn't too...grunmpy xD Thanks for reading! Please let me know if you guys like these little "On blank and blank" things! :D