My second attempt at writing a 'what if' one-shot. I always found the scene after the fight between Alex and Claire about the baby (Episode 3.13, Jokers to the right) more heartbreaking than the fight itself. So I changed things... What's writing for anyway?

Facing the truth

Claire decided that to have a nice ride would be the only thing to bring her up, so she saddled up Eagle and rode away.

After her fight with Alex the previous day, in front of half Gungellan, she couldn't stop thinking about what they had said to each other…

She had accused him of letting it slip to Sandra that he wasn't the father of her baby, but in the end, even if he had done it, she couldn't blame him? She had dragged him into this place, she had almost forced him to pretend to be the proud father in front of everyone, and never thought that this would turn his life upside down, she had never thought about the consequences.

At the birth class she had even said he couldn't be at the birth. She was uncomfortable then, and didn't know how to get herself out of that situation, she wasn't thinking, but now she was having second thoughts… maybe Alex had taken it the wrong way… Who knows what… maybe he really longed to be there… After all have him beside her then couldn't be all that bad… basically he had always been beside her… in the good and in the bad…

Then Claire's thoughts drifted again at the reason she had to be mad at him: he had told SANDRA!! She had felt hurt and somehow betrayed, mainly because he knew she hated that woman! Why her? Of all the people he could talk to, why he spill her secret to Sandra? She couldn't forgive him for that, not yet, not then and there.

As she was about to dismount to stretch her legs, she saw Alex' Ute moving closer to the hill where she was standing.

It was almost like they had arranged to be meeting there at that place and time.

Claire felt something moving inside her body, but it wasn't the baby kicking her.

She wanted to talk to Alex with all her heart, she wanted to clear the air, but she didn't know where she should start. She was scared, she was scared the anger she had the previous day would rise again and overwhelm her.

One thing their fight had shown her was that there was something wrong; they couldn't carry on this thing as it was, but what they could do otherwise?

Now they had an innocent and helpless creature to think of, they just couldn't ruin it's life from the beginning trying to give it a Dad by force.

The fight they had had was just showing the tension they had collected in the last few months, since they had started lying to everyone, maybe even lying to themselves. This tension had just come to the surface, and couldn't be ignored anymore.

Alex stopped his Ute right in front of her and got out. He didn't seem to be in good form, but he seemed quiet, apparently a lot more quiet than her.

Claire had a storm shaking her from the inside, she had so many feelings in her but she couldn't name them.

Alex got it right about at least one thing: she didn't know what she wanted.

"How are you?" he asked, stopping a few steps away from where she had just dismounted.

"Sometimes things need to be said Alex" she spoke, not even pretending to answer at his question.

"Is not working out, isn't it" he said while she just nodded, shaking her head quietly. "I've been all up for something that's just not gonna happen: to be a proper father to the kid…"

"What do you mean?" She frowned

"What I said. I wouldn't be a good father."

"How can you say something like that?"

"Come on, Claire, I can't even pretend at being a good father!"

Claire stood silent for a few seconds. She had a lot to think about. Then Alex turned around, he was clearly leaving, but she couldn't let him, not now, not this way, not after his words…

"Alex, wait"

He stopped, slowly turning towards her again. She sighed deeply; this was not easy…"You're wrong. Yesterday I was hurt, I was angry with you and with me, I thought we had made a big mistake…"

"And it is, isn't it?" He asked surprised, still not seeing what her point was.

"No. Now I know it. You were not wrong, I was. It was me the one who got us into this mess. I used you when I needed a father for my baby in front of everyone, but I never really involved you deeply, I kept you at a distance. You've been wonderful with me and the baby, and I'm sure one day you'll be an amazing father…"

"But not for your baby, right?"

Claire was a bit stunned by this remark. She couldn't understand what Alex really meant saying this, so she decided the best was leave him an out.

"I… don't know… It wouldn't be fair, especially for you…"

"Claire…" he tried to interrupt her, but she ignored him and kept talking, almost without taking a breath.

"You deserve to have your own life, you can't spend the next months or even years, taking care of a pregnant spoil-sport always treating you roughly. Sooner or later you'll get fed up with me, and you'd be right!"

Alex was dumbstruck. He wasn't used to hear Claire talking like this about herself; usually she didn't even admit she could be wrong! Her weird behaviour on one hand pushed him to protect her, on the other was driving him crazy because it wasn't like her, not at all!

"Come on Claire, don't overstate things… First of all you couldn't just 'be taken care of', even if you were in a wheel chair, besides you're not so spoil-sport and you're not treating me roughly… at least not more than usual…"

Claire couldn't help but smile. Alex was always the one who could make her feel better with only a word or a wink, and nothing could change that. Maybe that was the reason their fight had scared her so much…she couldn't see him so angry with her, really angry…They had had fights, but compared with this one those were only jokes…

"What a mess…" she muttered.

"Claire… if you'll let me be a father for this baby and take care of you, when and if you'll need it, I promise I'll do my very best and I'll never cast up to you"

His tone was serious, it was like he really wanted this… but it couldn't be possible…

"Alex…"

"No Claire, let me finish. I've never taken care of anyone in my whole life, I'm pretty sure everybody in the district thinks that I just couldn't do it, and they would have been right, earlier, but now it's different. This is my chance to prove I can do something right in my life. If you don't trust me…I don't know who will…"

Claire was stunned, even if 'stunned' couldn't even start to describe how she was feeling…

She didn't know what she should say or do. There was something else that Alex was not telling, but she didn't know what.

"Alex, you don't have to prove anything to me. I do trust you, if I didn't I couldn't start a business with you and you know it. Now tell me truthfully why you wanna do this? I can't understand why you would wanna take on a duty that's not even yours and you would regret one day…"

"I wouldn't regret it," he answered firmly. "You're the most important person in my life, my confidence, my rock, my all. I want you to be happy more than anything else in my life, and this goes for the bub too because this baby is a part of you. In the last 15 years I've never regretted any time I spent with you or anything I've done with you, as silly as it was!"

Claire couldn't help but stare at him intensively. As he talked her heart was beating faster and faster. Hearing words like the ones he had just said might impress everyone, but the thing that hit her the most was that she was sure he really meant it. They had spent half of their lives together, and she knew him well enough to know he was telling her the truth. Besides, hearing his words, she became aware she felt the same for him… He was always there for her, always willing to help her when she needed it the most, as she was ready to help him no matter what.

Alex was still in front of her, motionless, just looking at her. Her breath was faster than ever before. Suddenly she stared at his eyes one more time and let her heart act. She made a step, leaned towards him and kissed him as softly and lovingly as she could.

The feeling of Claire's lips on his hit Alex like a punch straight on his chest. Not that he didn't want it, in fact he craved for it, but he was flabbergasted. Though this didn't prevent him from kissing her back a small second later.

As soon as the kiss deepened Claire pulled away. She couldn't stand Alex' gaze afterwards, so she slightly turned, passing her finger over her lips, painfully self-conscious.

"Sorry Alex, I didn't want to…"

Her answer left him a bit disappointed, or better still a lot disappointed.

"You didn't want to?" he asked, searching for a confirmation at her last statement.

"Yes! I mean… no… I don't know. You said those things… nobody ever told me anything like this… at least nobody I could trust. I didn't think about what I was doing…"

Claire was visibly shattered, but she had her reasons to be shattered. Last time she had let herself go and acted with her heart rather than with her brain it was with Peter, and then in the end she was alone and what's more pregnant, without mentioning the blackmail she had gone through from a man who had told her he loved her and asked to marry him.

What she had just done could compromise their friendship, and she didn't want this, she couldn't let this happen. These were the reasons she had had to refuse his proposal months ago, and all she had said was still true, she couldn't stand to lose a mate; she couldn't stand to lose him…

Alex was behind her shoulders, she was aware of his presence. She was still turned, she didn't want him to see her wet eyes, but she couldn't prevent him from noticing how crushed she was.

She felt him coming closer, as he didn't want to scare her, and encircling her with his arms.

"Claire, Claire, calm down"

'Why' she thought 'why he always manage to set my mind at rest, even if he's the reason for my unease?'

His voice was sooo… sooo… how could she explain it?

"Take a deep breath and, most of all, don't think!" he soothed.

"How can I not th…" she started to ask, trying to turn towards him, but he was holding her too tight, his arms firmly wrapped around her baby bump.

He was still repeating for her to breath… and Claire didn't have chance, so she did what she was told, let herself go… stop thinking… let him rock her in his strong arms…

He heard her sigh deeply and relax, leaning on his chest. She felt his head leaning on her hair, moving slowly, until his lips touched the back of her neck.

By now nothing was important… job, friendship, the knob, the lies they told everyone and the lies they had been told… There were only the two of them, and Alex had to go on, he couldn't leave things as they were… Holding her in his arms felt so right… he couldn't just give up; he could just stand there forever…

Claire tried slightly to pull away, but he wouldn't let her go, and she didn't want him to let her go either…

Alex loosened a bit his grip and let her twist, still kissing her neck, then he let his lips rise until they reached her lips. In that moment Claire felt a shiver running all over her body. Alex perceived it and held her a bit tighter.

She freed her arms from Alex' grip and wrapped them around his shoulders, kissing him back with all she had.

When they pulled apart Claire slowly made a step away to watch him in his eyes.

"Yesterday, when we fought… … I felt so bad, I'm so sorry… I felt betrayed, so…"

"I know how you felt Claire, I understand it. You felt like I felt when I found out you knew Mum's lie…"

Claire looked down at her hands. It still hurt her thinking about that day… Alex' world was just falling apart, he felt terribly and she had only worsened the situation. He didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve all the lies his mother had told him, he didn't deserve the damage his parent had given him and even less he didn't deserve to find out his best mate was aware of these lies…

"Claire, look at me…"

Alex lifted her chin with his hand. He knew what was crossing her mind, but he didn't want to think about it, he didn't want her to waist precious time muttering about the past. They had wasted so much time already…

"Don't ya think about it anymore, okay? The past is just the past… all I know now is that we make a good team, you and me, and it's all that counts. When we tried searching for customers each of us alone it just didn't work. Together we can move the world, we can do everything. I love you Claire McLeod, and I wanna be with you, in all ways, but if you want I can still be only a f…"

Alex couldn't finish his sentence because Claire had shut him up with a kiss. Now she did know what she wanted, and she was showing him that. It wasn't just a kiss, this kiss was her answer at all Alex' questions, and all the unsolved issues between them. This was a kiss that worth a whole life, a life that now they knew they were going to share.

You agree with my version? Disagree? Let me know and make me as happy as a kid at Christmas D