I look down at the small word written on my hand. 'Lucy' was swirled in black italic writing on the inside of my little finger. My eyes become blurred once again, I shut my eyes again and take a deep breath. A single tear falls down my already red cheek. That one tear containing all the anger and hatred for myself that I can not hold in. At least I was showing emotion. Since I was told the only feeling I have ever felt had been numbness, A dark cloud following me wherever I go. Dan has been amazing, he's stuck with me through the happy and sad times, he is my rock.

'I'm going out sweetness' he strokes his index finger from my temple to my jaw line, taking the tear with it and finishing it with a light slow kiss on my lips. 'Are you going to be ok?' Not taking my eyes of my now slightly shaking hand I choke on my words, not letting it come out. 'I'll be fine' I manage to say as a whisper, gulping the lump in my throat back down. 'Ill be back in an hour' he kneels down in front of the brown bean bag I was sat on and lightly holds the hand, taking it up to his lips and kissing it and placing it exactly back to where it was, knowing that it was precious to me. 'I love you' he whispers before quickly leaving the dark room. The only light from the small gap underneath the grey curtain, swaying slightly from the breeze coming through the open window.

I stand, brushing the loose hair out of my face and pulling off my T-shirt and placing one of dans on. I walk in to the cold, black tiled, bathroom and stare at my reflection. My hair placed roughly on top of my head. Yesterday's mascara still staining my cheeks, almost matching the colour of the bags under my eyes, I don't even think I slept a wink last night. I turn the smooth silver tap on and the cool water comes spilling out. My hands form a gown as the clear liquid fills my hands and I dip my head in, the cool water soothing, feeling like its washing away everything. I grab a towel and wipe the remaining black smudge off of my face and brushing my teeth. I will not let this ruin my life. I am not going to let this ruin my life.

I step into the warm shower and wash away that cloud that has got darker every tear. The foamy water that appears above the plug hole represented that cloud, each drop of water making it shrink until it was not there anymore. I place a smile on my face as I wrap the warm towel around my warm body and I towel dry my hair with another towel. I step back into the dark bedroom and turn the light on, pulling the sheets and covers straight on the bed, cleaning up the pile of clothes in the corner and slumping onto the freshly made bed it's a sigh of relief. Every time I feel the cloud appearing on top of my head I curl my toes up and think of dan kissing my hand, repeating in head 'I will not let this ruin my life'.

I decide to distract myself, I clean the kitchen, every single crumb or grain of dust gone. I prepared dinner, I even made desert. I re dyed my hair, curled it loosely, put make up on my face. I did everything I could possibly do to occupy time until dan gets home but he still has not come home. I resort to my phone and text him 'hello honey, I've made dinner, see you soon x' I send it before I think against it any more.

Just as the quiet tone dings indicating that it has sent, the door opens to reveal a slightly out of breath dan. He looks up from the door frame and his face breaks into the biggest smile I have ever seen from him. He runs forward to me picking me up and spinning me around like a princess in a movie. He puts me down and rests his forehead on mine. 'Ive missed you' he whispers before pressing his lips onto mine. That kiss is what have been longing for, no longer filled with sympathy and sadness, but filled with excitement and passion. 'I love you' I whisper, not leaving his deep brown eyes. and in that one simple moment, I knew that Daniel howell was the one for me.