DISCLAIMER: THE FOLLOWING IS A FAN-BASED PARODY, SAINTS ROW, SAINTS ROW 2, SAINTS ROW THE THIRD, SAINTS ROW IV, SAINTS ROW GAT OUT OF HELL, AND AGENTS OF MAYHEM ARE ALL OWNED BY VOLITION AND DEEP SILVER. PLEASE SUPPORT THE OFFICAL RELEASE.
Third Street Saints' hideout, Stilwater, Michigan, 2011
BOSS' POV
Well, I'm no longer Playa anymore, I'm Boss. I guess it's symbolic, as I now lead the Third Street Saints. Anyways, I was relaxing on the stairs, watching YouTube on my new iPhone when Shaundi came up to me with a light bulb in her hand.
"I got you a present." She said.
"A light bulb, just what I always wanted." I said.
She then smashed it against the railing.
"A face shredder, just what I always wanted." I said.
She then put some drug in the bulb and lit it.
"Can't you just use a pipe?" I said.
"Pipes cost money. Money that could be used for weed or shoes. Anyways, try this. It's the Sons' signature drug, Loa Dust." Shaundi said as she pushed the bulb towards my face.
"But you smoke it." I said.
"They suck at marketing." Shaundi said.
"Listen, if you get some of the dust, I can find out what's in it." Shaundi said.
"Yeah, and then we can sell it for cheaper. How much you need?" I said.
"Three pounds. Two for science, one for the weekend." Shaundi said.
"Kay. Just tell me where to go." I said.
"Go to the university. That's where most of the deals go down." Shaundi said.
"Wait, we have a university?" I said.
"You mean you didn't know?" Shaundi said.
"I've been in a coma for five years. Of course I didn't fucking know!" I said to her.
"Just go." Shaundi said.
"Fine" I said.
I went up the stairs, and got into one of the Saints vehicles. A purple Bootlegger. I started the car and turned it to The Mix. It started to play Men at Work's "Land Down Under". I started to sing to the lyrics while driving.
Thirty minutes later, and I made it to the university. Shaundi then gave me a call.
"You shouldn't really mess with these guys." Shaundi said.
"Oh yeah, like I'm scared of a bunch of smoked out college kids." I said.
"I'm serious. These guys are named after the Voodorn lord of the dead." Shaundi said.
"The what of the dead now?" I said.
"Sigh... Just go get the packages." Shaundi said.
She then hung up on me. I went to two locations around the university, and got two pounds. All I need is the last goddamn package. Then Shaundi called again.
"Hey, I just got word that Mark Gabby, one of the Sons' best dealers is nearby. Get him." Shaundi said.
So I took my Bootlegger to the car, and I saw the guy. I went out of my car, and towards the guy. He saw me.
"Hey man, want some Loa Dust?" He said to me.
"Yeah, but I'm taking it all for myself!" I said.
He then got into his Churchill, and drove around. I hit the engine with my VICE 9, and the car exploded. I took the last package from his corpse. I then met Shaundi at the nearest Apollo's. I gave her the dust, and we went back to the hotel. When we got there, I heard some Saints arguing.
"Bullshit! Boss' invincible! Took on the Los Carnales, Vice Kings, and the Rollerz!" A Saint said.
Just then, a car pulled up with the Ultor logo on it. A black man pulled up out of the car. It took me a while to realize that it was Dex.
"It's not the Los Carnales, it's the Carnales! Rio fucking Grande River! Jesus!" Dex said. He then got back into the car and left. That was weird. Anyways, after that, I got back to the Red Light Loft, and lied down in bed. Today was a long day.
TO BE CONTINUED...