I wish I could tell you that I loved him. I wish I could say that he's all I ever wanted, all I ever will want, and I could never live without him. I sometimes force myself to say these things, although they never really come to mind as "honest," because, well, they're not honest phrases I would normally use. I do not love Troy.
We've been dating for at least three years, since I came to Further Heights High School. Now we're entering our senior year, and I've never been more thrilled for the fact that I'm dumping school and going to college. We're going separate places; him to Yale, me to Stanford. We are totally separate, only because we're on completely different sides of the country. Don't get me wrong, I like Troy, but I will never love him.
You're probably asking, "If you don't love him, why are you still dating him?" Well, this is actually a more complicated dilemma than it looks. If I say that I don't love him, he'll hurt me.
Not emotionally. He will literally hurt me.
Yep, my relationship with Troy has been an abusive one. He's also done things I don't want him to do, but if I speak up he'll kill me for sure. He's one of those guys that just doesn't take no for answer. I hate my life with Troy, but I can't tell anybody that- since this has been going on for such a long time, people will go to the authorities right away instead of keep an eye on him. I have done a pretty good job of covering up my bruises, but when people do see them, I have to lie and say things like, "I hit my head," or "I bumped my arm into a sharp corner."
My life only has to suck for one more year, but there are a couple things that could happen to make it stop early, before I go to college.
Well, he could break up with me, so that would be good. I'd actually jump up and down in my room all night if he did that. I wouldn't care if he dumped me. I would've been ecstatic.
There's also another alternative; speak up. You all know that I can't do that if I don't want to get beat up until I'm coughing up blood. That is an option, but it will never happen.
Maybe this year will be better. Maybe Troy will leave me alone and just act like a normal boyfriend.
I doubt it. He hasn't acted normal for three years.