Of Mirrors and Perfection

(A/N) There used to be a lot of Mary Sue satire running around . And now there just...isn't that many. So I'm bringing it back.

Lieutenant Melanie Hudson is an officer of the Academy of Mary Sue and Marty Stu Hunters. As her mission to be elevated to the rank of Captain, she has to capture a Level 6 Mary Sue named Diamonde. However, things soon go very wrong.

Anyone who says that Diamonde is a Mary Sue is pointing out the blatantly obvious.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything affiliated with Lord of the Rings. J.R.R. Tolkien and his estate does, not me. When I do get it, I'll tell you all. And throw a party, by the way.

Silvertail :)

Chapter 1

I drop out of the plot hole portal and to the ground, collapsing in a painful heap.

Ow, that hurts.

I try to stand up, but I'm still a bit dizzy from travelling through fandoms. I should try to locate myself.

Good, that's a tree. Lots of trees, in fact. Forest, then. OK. I can work with that.

I manage to get out my Anti-Warper and press the button. It's the first thing I've been trained to do whenever I arrive in a fandom—press the Anti-Warper. Otherwise the Sue or Stu can start manipulating the world and warping characters.

She stands there, slender, tall and graceful, and attractively backlit by the sun. Of course, it could be a ploy to blind me with light, but I'm not sure she's that clever.

"Diamonde Liliana Annabelle Nightshade," I call out. "You are arrested by the Academy of Mary Sue and Marty Stu Hunters for the following crimes: alteration of Canon, attempted manipulation of characters, and evading justice by escaping through the fandoms of Narnia and Harry Potter."

The Mary Sue spins around gracefully. She's got long black hair now, flowing down her back like a perfect waterfall with effervescent emerald-green eyes to match. The last time I'd seen her, she'd had long blonde curls and large, sparkling violet eyes; complete with sculpted features and a nice tan. Of course, she looks impeccably beautiful, despite having travelled through a plothole portal. Unnaturally beautiful, actually. It's very disturbing. She's also managed to change clothing, and now she's wearing a long blue dress with jewels and embroidery and elaborate lace on the edges. She's absolutely ridiculous.

Then she pulls out a wand, points it at me, and says gleefully, "Imperio!"

I fall to the ground in a dead faint.

My head's throbbing, and I'm sure I hit something while falling. Then I remember what Diamonde did to me.

"You cursed me," I say weakly. "You put the Imperius Curse on me."

Silvery, bell-like tinkling laughter comes to my ears. "Of course I did, little soldier," she says sweetly. "Otherwise, how could I insure my safety?"

I manage to sit up, and I see her brandishing my gadgets. She must've taken them while I blacked out. Oh, hell.

"Give those back," I say angrily. "Give those back, they're mine."

"Not a chance," she shoots back. "If I do, you'll find a way to arrest me or something. No, its best if I keep them. I'm sure the Queen will want to examine these."

Oh, no. No. She can't give those to the queen—to the Queen Mary Sue. If that vile creature gets her hands on them, the Academy will be seriously endangered.

"I command you," Diamonde says happily, "to never arrest or capture me, ever. Also, you are to accompany me on my journey, so you can see me destroy Canon and be helpless to solve things, as my revenge upon you."

Wait. She didn't say that. That was her voice in my head. I try to struggle against it, but I am helpless against her control. I can still think about it, though, but that's useless. Weren't Imperius Curses meant to give you a blank sense of release over your actions?

Oh, no. Oh no. Imperius Curses, once cast, are binding. How she even got a wand from Harry Potter to work in this universe is beyond me. And now I can't do anything to her. What am I going to do about my mission? Is the Academy even going to bother to rescue me? Do I have to be stuck in here forever? How can I capture Diamonde now?

I came to Narnia to arrest Diamonde because of my mission. The mission that could get me elevated to the rank of Captain. Right now, it'd be classified as a failure.

"Where are we? What journey? What have you done, you horrid woman?" I ask.

"Why, Middle-earth, of course. We are going to Rivendell, and we're going to join the Fellowship of the Ring," Diamonde smirks.

Oh, God. It's my favourite fandom. She's trapped me in my favourite fandom and is forcing me to watch her mutilate the story. I hate her. I hate her even more right now, if that's possible.

I fall back to the ground with a sigh. "Are we in the book universe or movie universe of Middle-earth?"

"What book?" Diamonde asked. "There's a book about Lord of the Rings?"

I moan and attempt to bury myself into the earth.

Reviews are beautiful. I'd love to hear your views on my story.

Silvertail :)