I am strong because I know my weakness
There was, among all, a moment that was more painful than the others in the return of the Scouting Legion from any Expedition outside the walls.
It was not the closing of the heavy iron gate on an external world that humanity had not yet managed to regain; it was not the silent parade of survivors, wounded people and corpses before the astonished and silent looks of those who gathered to welcome back the veterans...and the ones that, somehow, "managed"; neither were the harrowing screams of fathers and mothers, sons, husbands and wives who discovered that they had no longer anyone to welcome, no return to greet.
It was, rather, the moment when, in the square in front of the Legion barracks, the bodies of those who did not make it were placed next to each other, lying on the bare earth. Eventually, in that mission, they had lost everything: hopes, dreams, shreds of flesh and finally life. Someone, the more unfortunate ones, really did came back just as a stump. Nothing more than a mangled part of the body or a fragment of fabric was everything left of them.
They were placed on the ground, wrapped in a black sheet with the symbol of the legion embroidered on it, just a tag as the index of who the obsequies belonged to. A zigzagging black row of fabric between those who had the privilege of returning home with at least one part of the body... And the remains of many others, the gauntest of all, just the patches of the uniforms or some personal objects of those who did not return at all, not even torn into pieces, even just a small part, swallowed by a giant, blasted in the air, dispersed...
This time, Hanji's whole squad was enveloped in those black sheets.
Hanji was staring at them, Levi by her side, in silence. She was sobbing, tears which gradually transformed in a shouting cry.
"I was born for this kind of life, I couldn't imagine me anywhere else… But what about them? Do you know what I see when I look at them, Levi? I see all the opportunities the could have had…and they hadn't. And it is not their fault at all if that's how they ended! It's this world…this twisted world the one at fault. And I... Contributed to this. I.. I feel just like a bad person…because despite all those wasted lives...I still find a sense in this all... And I'm happy to be born in this messed-up world."
Hanji hid her face in Levi's shoulder, ashamed of herself. He gently touched her hair.
"It's fine. Remember. Remember this moment, remember this day. Don't ever forget your mistakes, your fault, your regrets, your pain, the reasons why you are still here anyway. You are strong because you know your weaknesses, that's what makes us go on anyway... "
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Just a small things I wrote as a companion for a photo I took in Hanji Cosplay with Raina ( Raina_89 on Instagram), the one I used as a cover for this story; you can find me on Insta as well as arydubhe.
Hope you like this short thing. I am planning to transform it in a way longer piece.