Background Info: Takes place about a year after the series finale. Rogan all the way.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I know it has been said before but I agree. If I owned Matt Czuchry, I wouldn't be sharing him with you right now.
I'm staring out into the night, trying to hide the pain
Logan looked out the window of the airplane. It was dark out side and lightning was lighting up the angry black sky. A single tear rolled down his cheek, mirroring the rain pouring down outside. Thinking about how much of a mess his life has become so far.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain
As the music places softly into his ears from his new iPod, he can't help but think about how Daughtry's songs seem to fit his life to a 'T'. But his song was wrong about one thing, feeling good costs so much. The pain that comes after feeling good is worse than anyone could imagine. Pain that is so strong, it turns into physical pain. Pain that caused Logan to slip into a depression of sorts. A depression where he is basically seeing life through his fathers eyes, minus the part of having a family, but if this venture goes belly up like the business deal many, many moons ago, then he might just stumble the next few steps into that, too. He won't let that happen, though. He will do whatever it takes to have this attempt succeed.
Well, I'm going home, back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
Her love, that is what he has been craving this whole long year. Nothing else has measure up to how she made him feel. He went on a few dates, and all of them ended early with Logan feeling thoroughly disgusted at anyone making a pass at him. That is what compelled him to hire a secretary who is 56 years old, with a husband, and seven grandchildren. That was a great idea for him. The secretary acted like a mother to him, always taking care of him when he was sick, talking him through his rough patches. Without her, he probably wouldn't be on his family's jet, heading towards the one place, no the one person, he had thought he would never see again.
I'm not running from, no, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
He doesn't regret his choice to move to San Fran, it helped him go the extra few steps to grow up completely. To finish the job that she had started so long ago, the job to help him grow up and to show him that settling down and being responsible doesn't mean that you have to lose your love of life. The new Logan doesn't run from his problems, no he faces them head on. The problem that is forcing him to return to New England isn't anything in California. It's his old life, the life that he had not achieved closure with yet. The life that included her. He doesn't know where this trip will lead, he just knows that he cannot fail, he must either find his closure, or step back into the life he had been trying to escape from his whole childhood and adolescence.
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home, well I'm going home
Logan thinks back to his house in Palo Alto. The house with the damn avocado tree, the house with the pleasant neighbors, the house where heart died. Every second of being in the house is like a new twist to the knife that is currently stuck in his heart. As much as he loves his new job, he doesn't love it as much without her there with him. The same goes for the house, everyday he had to resist the urge to pour gasoline all over the house and put it up in flames. Just like she did to my heart. He thought bitterly to himself. The bitterness was soon replaced by guilt as he remembered the look on her face when he told her that it was all or nothing. That was the biggest mistake of his life. He knew deep down that she wouldn't say yes because of the conditions. She has a hard time adjusting to change. He was asking for her to change her job, which was at the time non-existent, their relationship status, and her home. She was overwhelmed, and at a time where he was needed the most, he walked out. He acted like a little kid, if he couldn't have what he wanted, than he didn't want anything at all. A move that probably just proved to her more that he was too immature to handle marriage.
The miles are getting longer, it seems, the closer I get to you
I've not always been the best man or friend for you
A simple five hour flight feels like flying around the world. The gloomy skies negate his ability to see the ground. For all he can see, he might as well be on Jupiter. He thinks back to a time when he hurt her. There are so many times where he saw the pain in her eyes, the pain that he played ignorant to. Like when they were doing to the whole no-strings deal. Every time she saw him with someone else, he could see the tears threatening to fall, tears that clearly portrayed how she felt about their whole friends with benefits deal. At the time he had been hoping and praying for her to hold on longer, for her to wait until he was ready to commit. He remembers how one morning she had come to his door, obviously hung over, and conceded that she wanted to end things. But he saw in her eyes how she knew there was another, slightly obscure option other than 'breaking up'. That look had been enough to push him into committing. There were numerable other time he had cause her pain. Like the bridesmaids, the disastrous dinner with the Nazis, the dinner with what's-his-face, and him leaving for London. Pain that would have caused a weaker person to crumble and fall apart. She had come close to that point because of him, and her mother never let him forget it. Her mother's disapproval was probably part of the reason she said 'no', because her mother raised her to depend completely on her. That had probably caused her so many problems.
But your love it makes true and I don't know why
You always seem to give me another try
She was exemplary of the saying, 'forgive and forget'. Or at least the forgive part. She forgave him for sleeping with the bridesmaids when they were apart, she forgave him when he told his sister that they broke up, and she forgave him when he took off to Vegas when his business deal had gone south. The forgetting, however, was tough. When he proposed marriage to her, he saw all of the forgiving she had done flash before her eyes, never to be truly forgiven.
Her forgiving him for telling Honor they broke up just further proved his point that she trusted her mother just a little bit more than she trusted him. She still trusted him with her life, but it wasn't enough. He had been begging her for weeks to take him back, doing everything he could, but she still resisted. Yet with one letter from her mother, she conceded and agreed to let him take her out.
So I'm going home, back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I'm not running from, no, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old
Suddenly his mind flips back to the note he had found in his suitcase when he arrived in San Francisco. He had no idea how she had gotten it in there, but it truly through him for a loop. Fifteen simple words that held so much meaning. He had spent almost three hours just rereading the note.
If you loved me enough to marry me, than you would've been able to wait.
It was so detached, unemotional, and if he had not noticed the tear stains on the card, he might've thought that she didn't really care. But he saw them. He had started sobbing, and the little white index card fluttered to the floor. After he had picked himself up off the floor, he had picked up the card with the intention of burning it, or shredding it. But what he saw on the back stopped him.
I waited for you. I waited while you were in London. Why couldn't you wait for me?
That had made him want to kill himself. She was right, how heartless he was really. The message on the back was enough for him to move into the small secret safe that was hidden in his nightstand. The safe that also held a little blue box, a box that that was slightly worn from constant viewing. Next to the box in the safe was a picture of the two of them. It was taken by Steph right after they jumped from the scaffolding, staring into each other's eyes. It was obvious they were in love; they just didn't know it at the time. His slow tears had turned to full out sobbing at the last few thoughts that had run through his mind.
The shrill voice of the flight attendant broke him out of his reverie. "Mr. Huntzberger, sir, we will be landing in a few minutes."
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it all
As he pulled up to the ritzy apartment building, he double-checked the address that Luke had grudgingly handed over to him. Luke wasn't too dense to realize that they are perfect for each other. He went up the elevator and knocked on the penthouse door. He stood there, anxiously awaiting the door to open.
The door swung open, and there stood his love, looking radiant as ever, surprise written all over her face. He took a good look at her. She looked different. Her bust was larger, and she looked like she had put on a few pounds. Her skin glowed. Logan felt his heart sink at that. Usually extreme happiness caused a glow. As he was about to turn around, he met her eyes, and was shocked to see dull, blue eyes. Her eyes were empty, and they told him of how she is just a shell of her former person.
"Logan?"
You just might get it all and then some you don't want
Logan was about to respond when he was interrupted. He was interrupted by a deep, masculine voice calling her name from inside the apartment. His heart sunk, and he swore he felt his heart shattering into even smaller pieces. As he turned around and started to walk away unnoticed, he heard something that made his broken heart skip a beat. It was her voice.
"Thanks, Zach, why don't you go home. I bet your wife is missing you. And tell Lane thanks for sending you over even though she wasn't feeling well enough to help with Ella. She loves spending time with her uncle."
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it all
You just might get it all, yeah
Ella? He whipped his head around so fast, he probably got whiplash. So she didn't have a significant other. He still had a chance. He bounded back to the door, passing Zach, standing in front of her again. This time, what he saw astounded him. There, in her arms was a baby that looked about four months old. The baby had bright blue eyes, and curly golden blonde hair. He couldn't help but think that the baby looked like him. Then it hit him. This was his child. His eyes rounded into saucers, and he moved his gaze up to her eyes. She looked tired.
"I think we should talk," Rory said, hope evident in her voice. Hope, and dare he say it, relief and love.
A/N: Read "A Thousand Miles" after you finish reading this one. There is a second chapter for A thousand miles, and it is a follow up. Oh, and the title of the second chapter is "The Talk." He he. Well Read and Review! I hoped you liked it.