"This thing on?"
He hopes it's not, really. But he has to do this. He has to say goodbye. All of his leftover nanobots, combined to create a halfway done Iron Man helmet. One last message. Dramatic.
"Hey, Ms. Potts."
She was never going to change her name, and he didn't want her to. She was Ms. Potts to him at first, before she was Pepper. Now, looking death in the face, he can't even say it. Pepper. Pepper. Pepper.
It occurs to him that she might be dead right now. Fifty-fifty chance.
His eyes close.
"If you find this recording, don't feel bad about this."
He hopes that this is an okay goodbye, but it isn't. The last thing he wants is to cause her pain.
"Just for the record, being adrift in space with zero promise of a rescue is more fun than it sounds."
The selfish in Tony Stark wants to hope for a colossal rescue, complete with fireworks, but no such luck.
It's a tiny attempt at a joke. Laugh. He could always make her laugh, but now he can't even try.
Zero promise is not the same as zero hope, he tells himself, but he has neither.
"Food and water ran out four days ago."
He sticks to statistics. He knows statistics. The ship has a clock that resets, so he's been calling that a day insofar. It might not be one. He doesn't care.
Tony is hungry and thirsty and tired. But he needs to finish this.
"Oxygen'll run out tomorrow morning."
The ship has CO2 scrubbers, but they all broke and Tony can't repair them, as much as he tries. Alien technology.
Why is he telling her this?
Asphyxiation is not a good death, but it's quiet. He doesn't even deserve that, he thinks.
"That'll be it."
Tony's come face to face with death before. This isn't new. But listening to his own heartbeat, slow and languid, he realizes that he's scared to die. He doesn't want to. He's not ready.
He doesn't have a choice.
"When I drift off, I'll dream of you."
He sees her, then, in his oxygen deprivation/starvation/dehydration/combination-fueled hallucinations. The first time they meet, her hair tucked behind her email. Her eyes as he gets off the jet from Afghanistan. Her smile. Her hands. When she freaks out. The way she is in a boardroom—strong and powerful. That dress. Extra olives. It plays like a montage in his mind, reminding him why he fell in love with her. Why he loves her.
Then it changes. They're in the park when he leaves and he begs his past self to stay with her—him leaving didn't do a thing, did it? And then she's in a white dress walking down an aisle, and then her stomach is rounded and then he kisses her cheek as she's holding a bundle of blankets and... and... and...
It's always her.
It's always her.
It's always Pepper.
"It's always you."
Tony Stark is no longer afraid of dying, but he would do anything to see her again.
XXXX
This is my first time writing for this fandom (although it's my favourite, lol.) I saw the Endgame trailer and like freaked out so here's a tiny, unedited analysis of the first part of the trailer.
No copyright infringement intended.
Pepperony feels AHHH.