My gamer friend Smasher006 made me write this. I've never actually played the game but I conducted a lot of research and I kinda like the result. I realise most 'Meet the…' videos don't involve the other characters much, but it's really hard to interview someone who can't speak! Hope you enjoy!
(The Pyro stands with his back to the camera, firing a continuous stream of flame at an already blazing building. A cameraman reaches forward to tap him on the shoulder and the Pyro glances over his shoulder. He turns around, forgetting to switch his flamethrower off. The screen dies and an image of a cheerful blood-splattered Medic holding a scalpel appears with the message 'TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES'.)
(Filming is resumed. A clapper board is clapped.)
Director (off): Meet the Pyro, take two.
(The Pyro is now facing the camera, cradling his flamethrower as part of the burning building collapses in the background.)
Pyro: Mphphph mphph mphphph, mphphph. Mphphph mphph . . . mph mphph . . . mph . . . (He trails off, distracted by something overhead, off-screen. He fires a short burst of flame and a squawk is heard before a flaming bird drops to the ground.)
(Cut to Demoman, who is picking his teeth with a machete.)
Demoman: Only two things are known fer sure about the Pyro: 'e doesn't speak, an' 'e burns things. (Waving machete threateningly) If ye want mah opinion 'e's a little bit strange in the head. (Uses machete to prise cap off whisky bottle.)
(Cut to footage of corridor.)
Scout (off): Man! I'm on your side!
(Scout runs past, his baseball cap crackling merrily. Pyro follows, clutching flamethrower and shaking in what might be taken for manic laughter.)
Pyro: Mph-mph-mph-mph-mph!
(Cut back to Pyro standing in front of burning building.)
Pyro: Mphphph mphph mphphph mph … (Pause) Mph? (Angrily) Mph mphphphph mphph mph?! (Camera moves quickly backwards, then topples over as Pyro fires up flamethrower. Camera lies on side in grass while cameraman runs past screaming, chased by Pyro.)
(Cut to Medic holding a bloody saw and standing over a moaning patient just off-screen.)
Medic: It is my professional opinion zat ze Pyro has sustained horrific scarring some time in ze past. Zat is vy he is alvays veering ze mask vich obscures his mutilated features. (Thoughtful pause.) Eizer zat, or he is a voman.
(Cut back to camera lying on its side in grass. Cameraman runs past in opposite direction, still screaming, followed closely by Pyro, brandishing a fire axe.)
(Cut to Scout towelling his smoking hair.)
Scout: The dude's a nutcase!
(Cut to Pyro running, flamethrower blazing, towards the camera which is at ground level. He jumps over the camera and runs off into a thick cloud of smoke. A lipstick drops behind him and lands by the camera.)
(Customary closing shot of whole team.)
(Cut back to lipstick. Spy bends down to pick it up and holds it up to the Soldier for inspection. They look at one another before staring after the Pyro.)