- Voices of the Night
by Camilla Sandman
"You don't know what you have until you loose it"
- Common Norwegian saying
(Though it exists all over the world in different forms)
Disclaimers:
So, I'm back to writing J/C stories. So sue me. No, not you Paramount guys!! I know Voyager belongs to you. I`m just gonna treat them all real nasty and then give them back to you. No one got a problem with that?? Goodie.
"Captain! The shields are down! I repeat…"
"TUVOK!!!"
The voices in her head, strong as ever.
"Kathryn, wake up! It`s a dream!"
Strong arms around her, trying take the voices away. But he couldn`t, not even him. His gentle words could not take the voices away. She sobbed quietly in his arms, he didn`t say anything, just held her. He knew. He heard the voices in the night too.
The voices of a damned ship.
And all she could do was remember. Remember the voices…
It had be damned since it's maiden voyage, and soon lost in a quadrant far, far away from home.
But somehow they all believed the ship could bring them home. And no one believed it more than her. She believed it so hard she put everything else on hold till she got home, even love she ignored. She ignored the implications of coming home, that her crew would be split up, some even may be arrested, and Chakotay….
It all paled against the vision of Earth, of her home. Or so she believed it to be. So strongly did she believe she was going home, that she couldn't she that she already was. Voyager was her home.
And one day, after spending many years aboard it, she realized just that. It was a day like all other days. Space was teh same as always, filled with stars and black and quiet. But it seemed to twinkle at her. And for some reason, it made her feel good inside.
Chakotay seemed to twinkle at her too. Lately the going forth and back between them had started to wear her down, but that day.. She felt like going forth a lot. For no reason at all.
Even the crew appeared to feel more content than for a long time. The bridge seemed to be beaming at her. She felt, for the first time since…forever, happy. Truely happy.
She sensed happiness in Chakotay too. She hadn't sensed that in him.. well, since New Earth. And then she hadn't been truely happy, still caught up in guilt over her lost ship. Maybe that was why they had never gotten together. They both had their demons to get rid of before allowing themselves to fall in love again.
In that moment, she believed she finally could have it all.
And that night, she did. For a few seconds.
It was a glorious night. Relaxed, she had invited Chakotay on a private dinner in her quarters. He had come bringing wine. They got a bit silly. She had never felt so free before. Somehow they ended up in a shuttle. She told him she wanted to feel space around her. He laughed, but went with her.
He piloted and she just looked. And for a split second the Universe was so perfect she dared say three little words to Chakotay.
He never got to say them back in that perfect moment, for a desperate cry came over the comm system.
"Captain, we are under attack!!"
And she looked, as the gigant alien ship passed her beloved Voayger, dropped a bomb and disappeared.
For a second, it looked like nothing had happened. For a split second she folled herself to thinking that it would be allright.
But seconds pass.
There was a great explotion.
There was a great silence.
"Captain! The shields are down! I repeat…"
"TUVOK!!"
Again, there was a great silence.
And they could do nothing but look.
The ship blinked once, then it became as black as space.
There was a great silence.
But in her head, she could hear the voices from her crew, begging her to help. She could not. She could only look. And realize she could never have a normal life again. That the voices would always be there.
The silent scream of a death so horrible because it was so unecessary. The voices in the night, screaming at her. For survivng. For living while they floated dead in space. For just looking while they died.
And she looked.
And so she saw that the stars shone ever so brightly that night, like no night before.
Then the ship exploded.
******
FINI
Author's Note:
Not the first time I blow up Voyager, and certainly not the last. So there Carly!
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