Waking up, I have that same feeling of emptiness that's been with me the past few weeks.
I can't really explain it in any other way than it feels like I'm walking through fog, never really seeing any of the things I'm around or the people I'm with. Never really grasping the things in my hands. Detached, less in and more out. Just, uh... I don't know, not me, I guess.
Being so detached is kind of a problem, don't you think? I think so.
Not really sure how to solve it, though, short of asking for help, and I'd rather try my hand at dealing with it myself than running to Jade, or better yet, anyone else.
Speaking of Jade, the text she sent me a while ago was what woke me up in the first place, asking if I had plans. Thanks again, honey.
Besides that, though, it's pretty much a normal Sunday for me. I'm not really that religious so I don't go to church, I'm not really that health conscious so I don't spend my weekends destroying myself at the gym. I'll usually just spend Sundays in my RV, sleeping in, maybe watching a little TV, definitely being as lazy as possible.
Which is what I'm doing now, eating cereal and flipping through channels, reclining on my sofa. I'm not exactly surprised that nothing's on.
The Slap isn't much better. I mean, the site isn't exactly the place for hot, groundbreaking news, but usually it's interesting enough to get me through the slow days at school, and on days like these it's like my morning paper.
Aside from Rex bragging about some Northridge party he went to and Andre posting some new lyrics he's been working on, there isn't much news. Robbie's blog has been peppered with these awful new 'Trina Updates' lately, since they'd started dating. I mean, I'm happy for the guy; I don't think very many people can appreciate Rob for who he is, and maybe this whole thing will even make Trina start acting like a normal person.
But, I actually really did enjoy reading his regular actual news, the stuff about what teacher wasn't in on what day, what the Grub Truck's menu was, it was pretty useful, and I'd sure as hell rather here about any of that than what pair of shoes Trina's picked out for the day.
Black Chanel stilettos, in case you were wondering. Truly riveting, I know.
Anyway, I just mean I don't need my mornings to get even more boring, so I haven't been checking his updates all that often.
My pearphone vibrates on the table, making the milk in my bowl ripple. Ten to one it's Jade, asking me if she can come over. When I'm right, you'll owe me a dollar, or a drink. Whichever comes first.
I look at the phone for a little while before I pick it up, until the vibrating stops.
"You mind if I come over?" The text says. From Jade, oh, and by the way, give me something with grape in it.
"Of course not." I respond. Even though I do mind, just a little bit. Not that I haven't gotten used to the way Jade is, and really she's so much different when we're alone together, a lot less dragon and a lot more damsel in distress, it's just that Sunday morning is me time. Not Jade and me time.
Oh well, though. There's no stopping her when she wants to do something, and it'll take her less than a commercial break to get here, the way she usually drives. Jade's gotten more speeding tickets than I can count on both hands, and that's just this year, but thankfully she lets me drive whenever I ask.
And I always ask.
I sit back for a second and I decide I ought to put on a shirt, so I do. Probably need to tidy up a little too, but I don't really mind if Jade calls my living space messy again for the hundredth time, her criticisms are the salt of our relationship. I start to wonder if maybe my recent emptiness has something to do with her, but I stop. Maybe worth exploring, I guess.
Jade gets there a couple minutes later, banging on my door as though she were on fire. I wait a little bit until she calms down; I think that's better for her in the long run.
"Beck!" She shouts. "Beck, open up!"
I walk to the door and open it for her. She used to just barge in here whenever she wanted, but I told her personal space is important in a relationship, so she started to knock. I'm sure what I told her is true, but it was really just total bull I made up on the spot because maybe sometimes I'm doing things that I don't want anyone to see, especially not my girlfriend.
"Hey." She murmurs, giving me a quick peck on the cheek and rushing past me and over toward my TV. "Listen, I got a text from Vega on the way over, you gotta see the news." Her hair is pulled back, that's usually a sign she means some serious business.
"What news?" I ask, dropping onto my couch.
Jade just glances at me, then back at the screen. "Here," she says, finding the local morning news. "They found another body."
Another what? "What body?"
She rolls her eyes, "don't you read Robbie's blog?"
Huh, I'm actually surprised that she does. But then again, Jade does have a habit of never letting anyone know how much she cares about things like that, or that she even cares at all. "Not lately, too much fashion for my taste. Why?" I watch her, admiring the way her black shirt and black jeans hug her figure like a second skin.
"Because," Jade sneers, pointing at the television, "you'd know about this!"
As I bring my attention from her to the news, I sit up rigidly. The woman reporting has a serious crime scene set up behind her, police rushing back and forth, and ambulance in the background. The title scrolling across the screen below the reporter reads 'Hollywood Killer Strikes Again.' "Wait, what?" I stammer.
"A serial killer!" Jade says. "This is the third body in two months!" I can sense her morbid curiosity perking up. She lives for this kind of death thing, so to speak.
It sort of starts to worry me that I haven't noticed there's been a murderer running around my town until after he's already racked up three bodies. But only sort of.
I am a little out of touch, huh? Detached... "Well, that's no good." I say absently.
"Well no shit, Beck!" Jade snaps, sitting next to me on the couch, taking my hand in her usual vice grip.
Wow, looks like she's actually seriously worried. Wait, should I be, too? Yikes… See what I mean about being detached?
"It's okay, honey." I whisper, not exactly sure what she wants to hear. "They'll catch him."
That brief hint of fear on her face fades and she's back to that usual predatory smirk. "Yeah, whatever," she shakes her head, "that's not even why I came over."
"Why did you come over?" I ask. I know where she's going with this, and, not that I don't appreciate the thought; I'm just really not in the mood. I didn't get to finish my cereal, I find out there's somebody out there right now killing people in my own city, and on top of that, I didn't even get to finish my cereal.
But, there's really no stopping Jade.