15 THINGS

A/N: Inspired by the "15 Things to do When You're in Walmart" list I found on Renesme CARLY Cullen's profile.

Okay, so everyone is a little OOC here. Except maybe Emmett…

CHAPTER ONE: ALARM CLOCKS

This is gonna be good. I bounded from the car, landing hard on my feet in the parking lot. I think the ground shook a little. Alice settled lightly beside me with a chiding tsk. She was always telling me to be lighter on my feet. I know I could be, but I'm a dude and don't have to.

"Hurry, before Edward hears us," Alice urged. I just laughed. My brother couldn't do anything about this idea of ours. It was fantastic and I couldn't wait to get started.

"Do you have the list?" I asked eagerly.

Alice nodded and pulled a neatly folded piece of paper from her pocket and unfolded it in one swift motion. I leaned in to read the first item: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

"Time to go," I said, a grin spreading across my face.

Alice smirked, shut the car door, and locked her bright yellow Porsche. We began walking together into WalMart, her graceful footsteps keeping perfect pace with my thunderous ones.

I wondered what Rosalie would think, but only for an instant. This was a brother-sister outing; Edward, Jasper and Rosalie would have nothing to do with it.

I love the internet, I thought as I walked through the automatic doors and looked around. I had been searching random words on Google when I came across this list of things to do when in WalMart. I knew it was a joke some kid posted on a blog or something, but I wanted to give it a try.

Alice and I headed straight for the housewares section, grinning like to stupid fools… whiiiiich we probably were. A group of girls tittered irritatingly and pointed my biceps out to one another before glaring at Alice jealously as we walked by. I rolled my eyes and ignored them. At long last, we reached Housewares.

I tried not to look too excited as I reached for the first clock in the aisle. We had to work quickly; there were a ton of alarm clocks in this aisle and the next, and we didn't want to attract any clerks. I tried not to think too much because Edward was only too familiar with my mind. Alice grabbed the second and began setting the alarm. I looked over her shoulder and set mine for five minutes later.

She had given us twenty minutes getaway time from the first clock she set, so we each kept an eye on the clocks. It took ten minutes with our combined efforts to set all one hundred alarm clocks (I could set four per minute; Alice could set six). With ten minutes before the first alarm would sound, Alice and I booked it until we were in the soup aisle.

Alice pulled out the list as soon as we stopped running and read the second item: Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.