seemingly perfect
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and everything related belongs first, and foremost, to JK Rowling, and then to her partnerships with Bloomsbury, Scholastics, Warner Bros., etc.
Summary: After learning her older sister is bringing her new, horrible boyfriend to Christmas Eve dinner, Lily finds a "Boyfriend For Hire" Craigslist advert and decides she has nothing to lose by bringing this relative stranger to her parents' house in hopes of ruining her sister's evening. At least he's easy on the eyes.
Posted: 12/9/18
Author's Note: This may be total crap. Enjoy xx
"How asinine," Lily muttered to her computer screen. Shaking her head, she shifted her legs to hang over the side of the large armchair in which she sat.
"What's happened?" Mary, her roommate, asked, not looking up from her own computer screen. She was sprawled over the only sofa they had, wrapped in a large fluffy blanket that Lily eyed enviously before looking back at her screen.
"I just received an invitation to Christmas eve dinner. At my own house." Mary snorted. "By Petunia."
This drew Mary's eyes from her computer screen in interest. "Brilliant. Let's hear it."
Lily fixed the imaginary glasses on her face, cleared her throat, then began speaking in a high pitched voice that was clearly intended to be an imitation, "'Dear Lily, we will be having dinner on Christmas eve at 6 sharp. As you may be aware, this is a special occasion as I will be bringing Vernon to meet our parents for the first time. Please plan your schedule accordingly so you will arrive no later than at half five as Vernon does not like to be kept waiting' – I've seen him, the man hasn't waited for a meal in his entire life – 'I also expect you will dress and behave properly' – whatever that means – 'as to not embarrass me. Cordially, Petunia.'"
Mary looked torn between exasperated and amused. "Ah, classic cordial Petunia. Frankly, I'm surprised she did not leave more explicit instructions on what she expects you to wear and how she expects you to behave."
"There's an attachment."
"Shut. Up."
Lily laughed, "Only joking. But that didn't sound so unrealistic did it?"
She swung herself off the chair, tossing her laptop down, and headed toward their small kitchen which was adjacent to the living room. She extracted a bag of crisps from the back of one of their cabinets then made her way back to the sofa, forcing Mary to sit up and share the blanket.
"Oi -"
"You don't get to be cross with me," Lily said, pushing the bag toward Mary who begrudgingly took a handful. "You were supposed to come to this ridiculous dinner my mum insists on having every year."
"How many times do I have to apologize for missing it? Anyway, why don't you just take someone else?"
"We've been through the list. Besides, you know there aren't many people lining up to spend an evening with Petunia."
"Then find someone online." Lily raised an eyebrow, opening her mouth to comment but Mary continued before she could: "C'mon Lil, it's 2018. People meet people on the internet."
"That's – no. Just, no, Mare. It'd be suspect at best. Besides, I wouldn't even know where to start, or look, or –"
"Got something!" Mary pushed her laptop, which was open to a listing on Craigslist, under Lily's nose.
Dreading your next family event? Looking to shock your grandmother?...
I am a third year University student, studying to be something utterly boring that will eventually make me money. In the meantime, I spend my free time playing rec football, avoiding responsibilities, and ordering take out from every restaurant within a ten mile radius of my flat.
I can be a perfect gentleman, a scoundrel, an ex-convict, a trust-fund kid, a doctor, a stripper, a struggling musician who is definitely going to make it big someday – namely, a fake boyfriend/fiancé to fit your needs.
Need to show up your perfect sister and her seemingly perfect husband? Mad at your dad for cutting off your credit card? Want to scare your granny just for the fun of it? Or maybe you want to stir up the next mundane family dinner by bringing your deadbeat 'future baby daddy' who hits on your 'better looking' relative? Look no further.
No payment required or requested. Just looking for a free meal and a great story to tell at the end.
"This is not real." Lily reread the posting twice just to ensure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her. "Is this a thing now?"
Mary laughed, shrugging. "A friend of a friend did something like this once, trying to soften her dad up before telling him she was dropping out of University."
"Did it work, then?"
"Oh no. I guess she thought if she brought round an awful boyfriend then came clean she could say, 'just kidding, he's not my boyfriend, but I'm dropping out of school. Could be worse though, eh'. But her dad was apparently even more furious."
Lily eyed the listing again, pursing her lips.
"You have to admit it would be good fun to bring someone and spoil Petunia's night," Mary said, a widespread grin covering her face. "The possibilities really are endless. He could show up this Vernon fellow – ("Not hard to do. He's a buffoon.") – by being extremely successful and rich. Or he could come and hit on – is your gorgeous cousin coming?"
"Yes, Emily."
"Right. He could hit on Emily all night and you can pretend you don't notice. Petunia will be so furious you've drawn attention away from her and Vernon."
Mary was getting more and more excited the longer she thought about it, and it made Lily's own adrenaline rise.
"Lil, you have to do this. It will be the funniest bloody thing. We'll be able to laugh about it for years. Years! Think of Future Lily and Future Mary who deserve to this joy."
There did seem to be a lot of upsides…
"Okay, but I need to meet this guy ahead of time. And you're coming with me. If I'm going to be murdered by a random stranger off Craigslist you should be too."
"Fair enough. Now send the message!"
'Puddlemerefan27' (at least he has good taste in football teams, Lily mused) must have found her request agreeable because he responded to her inquiry within half an hour and offered to meet her three days later at the coffee shop on his – or as it turned out, their – University campus. Attached to his response was a note saying he'll wear a Puddlemere jersey, and a photograph of himself juggling a football. All she could tell from the grainy photo was his hair was black and he wore rectangular framed glasses, or at least had at one point.
When she and Mary arrived at the coffee shop she spotted him easily in the queue in front of the cashier, speaking animatedly with a friend. There were a handful of students behind him when she and Mary joined. He was taller than he appeared in his photo, at least a foot taller than her. His hair, which looked indistinguishable in the photo, was much wilder in person, sticking up at different angles and curling near his ears. As though sensing her eyes on his back, he spun around and his eyes met hers. Even in the coffee shop light Lily could see the speckles of green in them. His face was clean shaven, with the exception of a small band of stubble on his chin that looked as though he couldn't be bothered to shave fully.
"I'm supposed to be meeting you here, I believe -" she called to him, through the handful of people between them.
He and the friend he had been chatting with immediately stepped out of the queue and walked toward her.
"You must be 'redrover4'," he said, truly towering over her. His rectangular glass sat slightly tilted to one side.
"Clever," his dark haired friend chimed in. They both ignored him.
"And you are 'Puddlemerefan27'."
"James," he added, then tossing his hand on his friend's shoulder. "And this unsavory git is Sirius."
"Pleasure. I'm Lily and this is Mary."
"Hello," Mary said, and Lily could tell she was trying very hard not to stare at Sirius, but she flipped her curly brown hair over her shoulder as she greeted him. Lily stopped herself from rolling her eyes and made a mental note to tease her about it later.
"We'll just be a moment grabbing a couple of drinks then we can chat over there?" Puddlemere James suggested, pointing to a couple of small vacant tables near the wide front window of the shop.
Lily and Mary agreed, leaving the queue.
"He's gorgeous."
Lily threw a look back over to James. That picture he sent really didn't do him justice. He was broad and tall, with a lopsided smile that was bright against his tanned skin. He clearly spent much of his time outside playing football and was particularly fit from it. "Certainly easy on the eyes. Far, far better looking than Vernon."
"You mean James? I suppose he's all right, but I was talking about Sirius." Her eyes were still focused on him as the words sunk in. "Wait, you think James is good-looking?" Lily could see the wheels turning in her head and steadied herself. "What if he turns out to be The One, Lil?" She nearly squealed.
Lily did roll her eyes this time. "Mare, there is no such thing. Best case scenario he doesn't murder us and he keeps me entertained for a Christmas dinner. Worst case, well…" Lily drew her finger across her neck and Mary laughed.
"I don't know, Lil. You never know when you're going to meet someone. And I think he finds you pretty easy on the eyes too, based on the way he was looking at you–"
Lily laughed derisively. "As if you so much as looked at him while his friend was standing there."
Mary shrugged, and went silent as the boys left the queue and began walking toward them.
James set his drink and large chocolate chip biscuit at the table next to theirs and called to her, "Let's chat here, yeah?"
Lily nodded, rising from her seat next to Mary which Sirius was eyeing. Well, at least Mary will enjoy herself. James had pulled the second chair out for her before she got there, and she thanked him with a small smile. He smiled back before breaking off a piece of the biscuit, popping it in his mouth, then leaning back in his own chair.
"Okay. Shoot."
"What?"
"You're the one who wanted to meet me, so you must've had a reason. What do you want to know?"
"Ah… Well, I guess… how has this worked in the past?"
James shrugged, breaking off another piece of biscuit. "No idea. You're the first to answer the advert."
Lily's face went up in flames. "I'm mad."
James eyed her as she placed her hands over her face. "Might be... So what's your story? Angry at someone? Looking to spice up a family reunion?"
Her eyes found his again. "You're really up for going to some stranger's home and pretending to be their boyfriend?"
"'Course, now out with it." His voice was casual but a lopsided smile appeared on his face and his eyes crinkled slightly, mischievously.
"I have Christmas Eve dinner at my parents' house next week. My sister is bringing her boyfriend and has requested – and by that I mean demanded – I be on my best behavior so as to not embarrass her."
James nodded, sipping his drink like that was the most reasonable thing he had ever heard. "So what are you looking for in a boyfriend?"
It took a moment for her to realize he meant fake boyfriend. "I hadn't thought that far into this. Mary's the one who found your profile on Craigslist and suggested I message you. I thought at the time you would have… I dunno – a recommendation? Or something…"
She felt like a total idiot. But if James thought so he did not allude to it.
"Okay then. Tell me a bit about this boyfriend. Have you spent much time with him? What's he like?"
"He's arrogant, and not in that sexy doctor-on-telly way, y'know? He's not a sight to look at in the slightest and he's particular and unflinching in his requests. My sister demanded punctuality because he 'does not like to be kept waiting' – and I assure you, the man has never waited a moment for food and his waistline proves it."
James laughed. "Career?"
"Vernon? He's just graduated uni and starting a sales job at that drill firm, Grunnings."
"What's his family like?"
Lily leaned forward, grabbing a piece of biscuit off his plate before shrugging. "Don't know. I suspect they do well for themselves. I've only met the man twice."
"What do your parents do?"
"Mum's a primary school teacher and dad runs his own shop. They make an honest living from it but we're not extravagant."
Lily reached for another piece of biscuit, and without thinking James moved his plate closer to her. His eyes never left her face.
"So think they'll be much impressed by… Vernon, was it?"
"They'll be…nice, of course. But I think he finds status and money too important. Not that I think there's anything wrong with wanting to do well for yourself, but that's not all there is to life."
James nodded slowly, watching her thumb the last couple crumbs into her mouth. "Anyone a big football fan?"
"Dad and I… Puddlemere, actually."
James lit up, as one does when learning of the same football allegiance. "Well I won't even need to remake that part of myself. I just need to know two more things." Lily raised an eye brow as he continued. "What time is dinner?"
"Six, but I've been told by Petunia to not arrive later than half five –"
"Your mum's favorite flowers?"
Lily reddened a little again. "Predictably, lilies."
James laughed. "You don't share the sentiment?"
"I do like them as well, unfortunately. Makes me feel like a cliché. But I would say my favorites are roses. Which is coincidentally my mother's own name."
James' smile only grew with her explanation. "Well is there anything else you want to know from me? Since you called this meeting?"
"Oh, I don't know. I really just needed to see if you were… normal, y'know. Not an axe-murderer or something."
"I assure you I'm not. As I mentioned I'm in third year here, studying to be in financial planning. Big Puddlemere fan, obviously. And entirely up for joining you at Christmas Eve dinner as the perfect boyfriend if you'd still like to go through with it."
"What's your plan exactly?"
James grinned, pulling his fingers through his hair. "I will be the perfect boyfriend - the perfect opposite of this Vernon fellow. If nothing else, I suspect you bringing a guest without telling your sister will drive her mad, but best case I'd say – your parents will like me much more than him and your sister and Vernon will be furious. And you'll be able to laugh about this for years."
She hadn't known him long, and really, didn't know him much, but he was certainly right about that.
"So what do you think?"
"Okay…let's do it."
"Brilliant. Now if you don't mind I'm going to grab another biscuit, seeing as someone ate most of mine…"
"Oh! Sorry –"
But James waved her apology off with a laugh as he walked away. And he came back with two more biscuits. Perhaps this was the start of a beautiful friendship.
Lily and James continued to chat for another twenty minutes – though mostly about Puddlemere and the end of season which was fast approaching and would decide the seeding for the three round playoff. As they were leaving, Lily made sure they exchanged numbers ("Last name?" James had asked. "I'm one of those odd types that has to have someone's full name in their phone." His was Potter.). There was always a chance one of them would back out of it. And if they didn't, she'd need to arrange to meet James somewhere to take him to her house. She told Mary as much when they were walking back to their flat after the coffee shop, and the massive grin and goading commentary made Lily regret her decision immediately. But a response pointing out that Sirius didn't ask for her number shut Mary up right away (Lily felt bad and apologized about it later, but at the time she reveled in it).
Coincidentally, she saw James a couple times in the days leading up to Christmas Eve, when walking near campus. Though they didn't share more than a wave or a casual hello before moving on. She received her first text from him early on Christmas Eve morning.
Morning. You still up for tonight?
Lily paused, considering, before replying: I am if you are.
Most definitely. Do you want to meet at the coffee shop or is there somewhere better?
Coffee shop will be fine. I'll pick you up as it'll be easiest to drive to my parents' house. It'll take about fifteen minutes to get there. When should I pick you up?
When will your mum be setting up for dinner? Let's arrive before then.
Lily's eyebrows creased. She'll have the settings placed by quarter after 5 and will be tidying up, knowing her. That's a bit early…?
Pick me up at a 5 then. And as though guessing what she was typing he added: Trust the process, Evans.
Okay. See you at 5 then.
See you then.
When ten minutes to five came around, Lily found herself buttoning up her pea coat and fetching her nicest boots.
"You look nice," Mary said, grinning from the sofa. Then realization hit her and she checked the time. "Shit, you nearly gave me a heart attack thinking I was late. Why are you leaving so early? Desiring extra time with Petunia and Vernon tonight? Or… James, perhaps?"
Lily wanted to ignore her. "James wanted to arrive early. I'm sure it's all part of whatever act he is planning to do."
Mary nodded. "You really do look nice."
"I try," Lily said, smoothing the pea coat over her dress. She wore what she had always planned to wear, a Christmas-green dress fitted at the waist, but maybe added a touch more make up than she normally would have for a visit to her parents. It made sense to put in a little more effort considering she was attending with her alleged boyfriend. "Have a good time at your dad's tonight. I'll see you later."
"Remember everything – in detail! Oh how I wish you could take photos – actually, take photos if you can. I want it to be as though I was actually there!"
"I'll see what I can do," Lily said, waving on her way out.
The dark black sky met Lily as she walked out of the apartment building toward her car. The street lights and Christmas lights lining the road were the only thing that passed as starlight in this area, though Lily didn't mind. The air smelled cold and brisk, like snow. By the time she arrived in front of the coffee shop, not three minutes later, it had started to snow.
James was standing outside already, wearing gray slacks, a black coat that was buttoned, and a bobble cap with Puddlemere colors. When he joined her in the car, she could see he was also wearing a knitted Puddlemere scarf and had a bouquet of lilies in his hand. She smiled a small smile. The boy was good.
"Hi," she greeted, as he fastened his seatbelt. There were snowflakes on his coat. "I hope you weren't waiting long."
"Not long at all," he grinned, wiping his newly fogged glasses on his coat.
"That's good."
Lily pulled back onto the road and began the familiar route to her parents' house. They sat quietly for a most of the drive, James, taking in the Christmas lights that covered the shops lining the road while Lily concentrated on driving through the steadily falling snowflakes. Once they turned onto a more rural road, Lily cleared her throat.
"So…"
"So…" James mimicked, not looking away from the window, but Lily could see his lips curling into a smirk in the reflection of her car window.
"Shouldn't we discuss…the plan?"
James turned to look at her now, his grin – impossibly - widening. "I didn't write a script, Evans."
"Winging it isn't particularly my style. You're going to have to give me something."
"All right, then." He sat up, his face straightening. "I've thought about it and I think doctor would be the best route to go about it. It's a noble profession and we can always say I received an urgent page to leave whenever you'd like."
"Okay, then." She supposed the stubble on his face was intended to make him look older, but she would be generous to give him twenty six. "Nice touch on the flowers by the way. But how did you find lilies in late December?"
He grinned. He grinned a lot, Lily noticed. "I know a guy," he said, in a playfully mysterious tone.
Lily laughed as she pulled into her parents' driveway. "We're here. Last chance to back out."
He answered her by tossing his door open. As Lily gathered her purse from the back seat, her own door opened.
"M'lady."
Lily rolled her eyes, taking his hand. "Your shift doesn't begin until we're through that front door." But James waved her comment away, and closed the door behind her.
The house was narrow, in line with all the other houses on the street. The Evans' had only put out a handful of decorations compared to their neighbors but the lights hanging from the roof and the snowman figurine in the front yard were festive enough in James' eyes.
Together they walked up the drive until they reach the set of three stairs leading up to door. Lily let them in with a loud, "Hello!"
"Oh!" came her mother's voice from the kitchen. "You're early – dinner isn't until six."
"We know."
"We?"
Her mother popped her head out of the kitchen and her eyes – same as Lily's – swept over the two of them. Her once-blonde-now-silvering hair was pinned up in a severe bun, but her face was kind.
"Mum, this is James."
"Pleasure to meet you, James," Rose Evans said, coming forward wiping her hand on her apron before shaking his. She threw a questioning look at Lily that James pretended not to see.
"The pleasure is all mine. Your home is beautiful, Mrs. Evans."
"Please, call me Rose. Richard – your father – is somewhere around here. Probably catching the latest scores from the telly. Richard, dear!"
"How can we help?"
"Oh James, that is so kind, but you needn't lift a finger. You're a guest in this house."
"I insist," James said, as Lily added: "Do you need a hand with setting the table?"
"That would be wonderful," Rose said. A timer went off in the kitchen and drew her eyes from them. "If you'll excuse me."
"Of course. Lily may I take your coat?"
"Oh…yes, of course. Thank you James." She said it loudly enough for her mother to hear but then immediately felt foolish. Clearing her throat, she added, "The coat rack is this way."
After depositing their items on the pegs near the front door, Lily led James back past the kitchen into the dining room. As she and James opened the china cabinet to retrieve the Evans' best dinnerware, they heard movement down the hall.
"Is Vernon here? There's a Puddlemere scarf hanging on the -" Richard said, crossing the thresholds of the dining room and stopping at the sight of them. "Ah. Hello." His eyes lingered on James for a moment before he noticed is daughter. "My Lilypad!"
"Hi Dad," Lily said, cheeks clashing wonderfully with her hair as she walked past James to hug her father. "This is James."
"Sir," James greeted, coming forward with his hand outstretched.
"James," Richard said, and Lily got the distinct impression he was sizing James up, though the idea seemed ludicrous when James had a good five inches on him. "Your Puddlemere gear at the door, I presume?"
"Yes, sir. Though I think I'm due for a new set next time I'm down at the field."
That seemed to be enough to spark a conversation between the two men as they began setting the table. It turned out that both James and Richard had attended the cup semi-finals the previous year and they lost little time reliving each moment with animated play-by-play. Lily couldn't help but smile as she listened, thinking if James really were her boyfriend he would have already won over her father without even trying. She also couldn't help herself from glancing his direction every few minutes – he really was easy on the eyes – as he adeptly set the table, placing all of the plates and utensils in the correct place without instruction.
The conversation between the two halted only when her father paused to prevent her from setting the seventh place set.
"What do you mean we don't need it? Won't Uncle Alfred and the lot be joining us?"
Richard busied himself with the silverware at the place set in front of him. "'Fraid not, Lilypad. It'll just be us and – "
But at that precise moment the door lock twisted open with a satisfying clank and her sister's voice filled the room. "It's just me. I came a bit early to check on things. Vernon will be here in no more than five –" her voice and footsteps came to a halt when she entered the dining room " - minutes."
Rose appeared at her shoulder a moment later, now rid of her apron. "Hello dear. That will be no problem. Dinner is finished, just being kept warm in the kitchen until Vernon arrives."
Lily turned away to hide her smirk, and bit her tongue to stop herself from mentioning that she does not like to be kept waiting, Petunia. James caught her eye and smiled.
"Good," Petunia said. Having evaluated the room and found it acceptable, she began removing her coat and gloves. "And who is this?"
"This is James," Rose said, with a bright smile. "A…friend of Lily's."
"Boyfriend, Mum," Lily found herself correcting, throwing a smile at James who beamed back at her.
"I didn't want to assume, Lily dear." She looked delighted at the thought however.
"I wasn't aware Lily's…boyfriend would be joining us," Petunia bit out. Lily directed her joy at this statement by smiling at James, knowing she would not be able to stop from laughing if she looked at Petunia.
"That's my fault," James began. But before he could assume any blame, the doorbell rang and Petunia nearly jumped out of her skin.
"That's him! Remember… remember what…"
But instead of continuing her thought, she turned and marched back toward the front door. Richard immediately turned to James to continue where they left off in their discussion. When Petunia returned a few moments later, she had to clear her throat to silence them.
"Dad, this is Vernon Dursley."
"Good to meet you," Vernon said, leading Petunia into the room. He was bigger than Lily remembered, and a stark contrast compared to her bone-thin sister. He had also started growing a moustache. Vernon exchanged standard pleasantries with Richard and Rose when she came into the room with a large salad bowl and a basket of rolls.
"Shall we sit down?" Rose said, gesturing to the table.
"Before I forget!" James excused himself from the room and returned with the bouquet of lilies. "Don't mean to delay us, but these really ought to be put into water. As a thank you for your hospitality." He brandished the bouquet to Rose with a shining smile. She beamed.
"These are beautiful, James. How did you know? And at Christmas! Oh give me just a moment; they'll make a lovely centerpiece."
"You're good," Lily whispered to James as he joined her again at the far end of the table. James threw another grin at her.
When Rose returned to the room, still boasting about the flowers, she motioned for everyone to sit. James pulled out the chair across from the already-seated Petunia and Lily, staring down at her plate to avoid meeting her sister's eye, sat. Petunia glared at the salad fork as though it had slighted her before turning her glare to James.
"So… James, was it?"
"Yes."
"Lily hadn't mentioned you'd be joining us for our family dinner. What a…pleasant surprise."
"That's my fault, actually. I wasn't certain I'd be able to come. I only just found out I wouldn't have to work."
"Where do you work?" Rose asked, delicately picking up a roll from the basket before passing it to Lily.
"At St. Anthony's."
"The hospital?" Richard said, spooning a large helping of salad into his salad bowl.
"Yes, sir."
"You're a doctor?" Petunia blurted out, her voice lush with skepticism.
"I'm finishing up my first year of Foundation Programme."
"You'd do well to get make a switch before you spend too much time in that programme," Vernon said, piling a second roll onto his plate.
"Sorry?"
"The money in the medical field is all in the sales of medical supplies," Vernon told him, his brow creased as though it were obvious. "Machines, tools, protectiveware. The comission alone would – "
James cleared his throat, wiping his lips on his napkin. "I'm not in the medical field for the money or comissions." He addressed the table at large next: "I haven't determined what my specialized focus will be yet, but I'm due to work in pediatrics starting in the New Year, and I'm looking forward to that." He looked directly to Rose and smiled. "Lily told me you're a teacher, Rose. It would be great if I could pick your brain some time."
Her cheeks flushed slightly. "I'm nowhere near qualified. Sweet of you to say, James – "
"Oh I'm certain I could learn a thing or two that would help me communicate with the children better during the hardest moments of their young lives."
Lily could tell her mother was trying to not looking too pleased with herself and was barely succeeding as she gave a small nod. "Well I'd be delighted to have a chat if you think it would help."
"Brilliant."
Lily sent an encouraging smile to James which he returned with fervor. The room grew quiet as everyone busied themselves with their salad and rolls. It wasn't until Rose and James, who had volunteered to help ("This smells incredible!"), brought in the main course – roasted turkey with potatoes and brussel sprouts, yorkshire pudding, and stuffing – that conversation picked up again.
"So how did you two meet?" Rose asked, looking at James.
"I've told you already once, Mum, but if you'd like to hear it again –" Petunia said, her head whipping around to look at her mother in slight annoyance. Then upon realizing where her mother was looking, she exhaled: "Oh."
"I haven't heard it," James said, slicing into his turkey. "I mean, not fully at least, Petunia."
Petunia cleared her throat softly before taking a sip of water and smiling. "Vernon and I met a few months ago when we were both doing internships. Vernon was already half done with his when I started, actually, so we didn't interact much. But then one day I was having a problem with the copy machine. You know how those things can be."
James nodded empathically, as though that was the most reasonable thing he had ever heard in his life, and Lily pushed her face closer to her plate, shaking in silent mirth.
"Well Vernon was able to fix it, of course. We started to talk more after that, then about two weeks later we went on our first date." Lily was sure James was still smiling but she couldn't risk looking up to verify as Petunia went on with literally the most boring 'meet cute' – it hardly seemed worthy of that title – Lily had ever heard. "It became apparent very quickly – well, that is to say we both always knew Vernon would be offered a position after he completed his internship. But then the offer officially came through so we weren't certain how that would look –"
"Associates dating interns," Vernon said, as though it was the most preposterous, indecent thing he had ever heard.
"Indeed," Petunia agreed, before turning her attention back to James, who looked attentive as ever. "Vernon, of course, had been interviewing other places – he's very pragmatic that way. And then he received a better job offer from Grunnings which he accepted –"
"Better title, bigger check."
"Vernon's retirement account is going very strong already. He knows where to invest," Petunia said, now looking at her father. "He's even started setting aside the money for a house down-payment! This after buying a new car only last month!"
"That your car in the drive-way, Jim?"
If James looked startled by his new nickname he did not appear it. "That's Lily's car."
"Ah. What do you drive?"
Lily's eyes rose from her plate as she opened her mouth to reply but James was quicker. "Oh, nothing at the moment. Well, these I guess." He gestured down to his legs smiling. "I'm usually close enough to walk, but there's always public transit otherwise."
"Charming," Petunia said, now concentrating particularly hard slicing her brussel sprouts, smiling. Vernon looked as though his retirement account had doubled, and Lily resisted the urge to lean across to table and pull at his moustache hairs.
"That's wonderful," Rose said. Lily got the impression she was unaware of the smug look on her eldest daughter's face.
"I hope your lack of transportation doesn't limit your dates," Petunia said, her voice thick with mock sincerity. "Vernon took me to the opera last weekend, and the museum before that."
James leaned toward Lily, grinning as he told her: "I'm terribly sorry if my lack of transportation has prevented us from going on the quality dates you so demand."
Lily rolled her eyes at him, inclined to laugh if she weren't so annoyed with Petunia. "We do just fine, thanks. It's not a long walk to the stadium," she told her sister coolly.
"You live near a stadium?" Petunia shot at James, horrified.
"Not too close. I'm near the university campus, actually."
"Is that where you met?" Rose asked.
"It is. We met at the coffee shop there a few months ago," James said, nodding. "It's not a particularly exciting story. I wouldn't want to bore anyone."
"Nonsense!"
"Yes, James, don't be shy," Lily said, grinning. "Petunia shared their story. Go on."
James grinned back. "All right then. As I mentioned, it was a few months ago, at the start of the Puddlemere season. I was wearing my Puddlemere jersey and Lily was directly behind me in line at the coffee shop. It turned out that we both ordered a chocolate chip biscuit. As I was walking away with mine I heard the cashier tell Lily they had run out and I got the last one. And as the sucker I am I offered to share mine with her. Which of course turned out to be Lily eating most of it as we talked football."
"Great day," Lily added.
"Great day indeed. D'you want to tell them the funniest part?"
"No go on, you're a much better story teller."
"The best part was the cashier was wrong about running out of biscuits. So if she had known there were more in the back and had just gone to get one for Lily, we never would have met."
"Funny how things seem to work out," Rose said kindly, her warm maternal smile reaching her crinkled eyes.
"I'm near stitches over here," Petunia said quietly, clearly intending for only Vernon to hear.
Lily, whose hand was now enveloped lightly by James' pretended not to hear her as she smiled at him. "I think so. Though the Puddlemere jersey didn't hurt his cause, the real hook was sharing the biscuit with me."
James grinned, placing a small peck on her hand before gingerly placing it back on the table and resuming his meal. She turned to her own meal as her cheeks reddened, reprimanding herself for getting giddy over a kiss. On the hand. At least she might be able to convince him it was part of the act if he noticed.
"Speaking of football," Richard interjected unexpectedly, as he reached up to plate himself more turkey. "Are you a football fan, Vernon?"
There was a contemptuous quality to Vernon's laughing response, and Lily thought she saw James react out of the corner of her eye, but if he moved at all it was imperceptible. "Certainly not. Who has the time? And, to be honest I find the sport a bit boring."
Lily only just stopped her mouth from falling open and James stared down at his plate. Vernon was too immersed in his own plate to notice any reactions, particularly from Richard, but Petunia was not and immediately added: "Vernon boxed in school."
"Ah," Richard said as acknowledgement before his eyes dropped back to his food.
"That's wonderful," Rose added, staring down the table at her husband who did not seem to notice. "I don't know much about boxing, personally. Do tell us more, Vernon."
Vernon proceeded with a ten minute – though it seemed to last an eternity – explanation on the ins-and-outs of boxing, including competitions, strategies, weight classes, and various other topics that Lily found no interest in, so she excused herself to the restroom. She took her time in returning to find Vernon wrapping up his play-by-play of the match that apparently won him some championship or another.
Rose reacted as expected, with praise and delight - Lily caught James' glance as she entered the room and rolled her eyes – before asking James, "And how about you, James? Play any sports?"
"I play football, actually."
Lily's eyes were drawn from James to Petunia who let out her own mocking noise. Whether prompted by annoyance with her sister or fondness for James, Lily did not know or care, but her eyes immediately narrowed. Rose seemed intent on ignoring her daughters as long as James was speaking.
"That's wonderful. I do know a fair bit more about football than boxing, of course, after living with these two," she said, gesturing to her husband and youngest daughter. "Did you play in school?"
"Yes, into university actually." This drew Lily's attention back from her sister. She thought the impressed look on Richard's face reflected her own inner thoughts, but she did her best to keep her face as though this was not news to her. "Not after the first two years, mind, it was just too difficult with my courses. But I still play a bit recreationally when I can."
"Which position do you play?"
"Striker."
Rose smiled broadly at Lily, who immediately turned crimson as if she knew what her mother was thinking. "You don't say. I believe Lily dated a few Strikers from her school's football team when she was younger, isn't that true Lily?"
"Mum, really – "
"Is that so?" James said, leaning in his seat to look at her, his voice brimming with laughter. "You do have a type then – a football type no less, eh?"
"She does," Petunia confirmed, though it appeared by her inclined head that she was talking to Vernon. "Personally I always found those boys to be quite vapid… No offense."
"Well—"
But Lily cut James' feigned civility off as she bit out: "Sorry, Pet, I suppose not everyone's cut out to sell drills."
Petunia's eyes tore away from Vernon's face; however whatever she was going to say was cut off by their mother's stern "Girls." That didn't stop them from staring daggers at each other for a few moments before Lily went back to finishing what was left of her dinner.
An uncomfortable silence hung in the room until suddenly the tension was broken by a loud ringing from James' pocket. He exhaled with a 'sorry' as he silenced it. After checking it, he stood up quickly. "I'm sorry, but I've just gotten paged. I've got to go."
Lily rose as well, and was surprised to see her mother and father doing the same.
"I'll drive you."
"Are you certain? I don't mean to take you away."
"Don't even think on it," Rose said, waving at him. "Though it is a shame you'll have to miss dessert. And I was going to pack you some leftovers. Lily can you - ?"
"I'll come round tomorrow, Mum."
Her mother beamed as they made their way toward the coat rack.
"It was nice to meet you both," James said, generously. "Happy Christmas."
Both Petunia and Vernon begrudgingly returned his sentiment, but Lily could hear Petunia muttering to Vernon about the audacity of having mobile phone sound on during a dinner. She did her best to ignore it as she exchanged goodbyes with her parents.
As James and her father shook hands, Puddlemere became the subject of conversation again.
"If you ever have an extra ticket," Richard began, clasping James on the shoulder.
"You'll be the first I call…beside this one, of course."
"Ah right…well, I guess that'll have to be an extra two tickets then."
"Stranger things have happened," James said, grinning, as he put his bobble hat atop his head. "Thank you both again for having me on such short notice."
Both Rose and Richard insisted he was welcome any time as they made their way to the door. Lily gave her parents one last round of hugs and a final "Happy Christmas" before James led her to her car. He once again opened her door and Lily at least had the mind to keep in character until her parents' house was out of sight.
"Good timing there at the end," Lily said, gratefully. "With the alarm."
"I thought at half seven you had put up with enough."
"Me? Petunia and Vernon were just shy of horrid to you and –"
"It's fine," James said, a genuine smile – not grin – appearing on his face. "I mean…that was kind of the point wasn't it?"
Lily pursed her lips. "Erm, yes, but – "
"And it came from a place of anger and jealously didn't it?"
"Well… yes. Oh it must have been years since I saw Petunia that livid." Lily paused, thoughtful for a moment as though concentrating on the road, until her face widened in a bright smile. "I can't thank you enough, James."
James grinned as she caught his eye. "Then I'd call that a successful evening. D'you want to have a quick celebratory hot chocolate at the coffee shop? It's still a bit early."
"Yes…unless I'm keeping you from your own Christmas Eve plans?"
James shook his head. "Mum and Dad celebrate Christmas day, so the evening is my own."
"Let's do it then."
The silence between them only lasted long enough to get them through her parents' neighborhood and onto a main road.
"I have a hard time believing you hadn't done anything like that before," she told him. "Have experience acting in the past?"
"I assure you it was the first time. Never fancied myself much of an actor, but maybe I should rethink my career choice."
"Maybe you should!"
The drive back to the coffee shop was much different than the drive to dinner. This time the snow had stopped and they hardly noticed the lights lining the streets, instead too carried away in their conversation about James' career as an actor which included a brief relocation to America, many torrid love affairs, and finally capped with him bald and bankrupt directing straight-to-DVD movies.
"Though that likely won't be a thing then, I'd expect. Unless you plan to go bald in the next decade."
It was impossible for her to say whether James' indignant gasp was in jest or not as she pulled into a parking spot across the street from the coffee shop.
"Potter men don't go bald," he informed her as they jogged across the street. "I'd appreciate if you didn't tempt fate with your wild theories, Evans."
"Sorry, James. Didn't realize you were so sensitive about your hair."
"Apology accepted."
They were still laughing as they joined the queue inside the shop. There were only a handful of patrons, and within five minutes they were sitting at the same table from the week before.
"So you seem to know a lot about the medical profession."
James smiled, focused on breaking off a piece from the pie they had agreed to share. "My mum's a doctor at St. Anthony's. I've learned a lot about her job over the years."
"That's wonderful. What is her specialty?"
"Pediatrics, actually. You seem interested to know how much of tonight was an act, yeah?" Lily smiled at him, shrugging. "Go on then."
Her smile widened: "Okay. Flowers for my mum? Real James move? Or Doctor Potter move?"
"I've been known to bring flowers to mothers before. Why, not a fan of receiving flowers? Too cliché?"
Lily resisted the urge to fling the pie on her fork at him. "I've been known to enjoy flowers on occasion."
"That's good to hear…"
Lily watched as James reached into his coat pocket and extracted a red rose. His trademark grin was replaced with a small smile as he handed it to her.
"You've been carrying this around all night?" She brought the rose to her nose without thinking.
"Yeah… y'know I just thought… if it was a successful night that you could… have that as… y'know a reminder." He was facing his plate, eyes darting between her and the piece of pie every few seconds. Either the shop was warm or he was slightly embarrassed by this explanation.
"It's lovely, thank you James." She tried very hard to keep her smile happy but not too happy so as to not reveal she was melting inside. The boy was more than good…
"You're welcome. What's next in Real vs. Fake James?"
"Holding doors open and pulling out chairs? Opening the car door? Helping my mum bring in dinner?"
James rolled his eyes, whatever embarrassement stemming from the rose now gone. "I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. Two minutes with my mother and you wouldn't even ask that question in jest."
"Puddlemere fan?"
"Has anyone told you you're hilarious, Evans?"
"All the time, why?"
James watched her laughing with a barely concealed grin. "For what it's worth, most of tonight was Real James. Guess it wasn't too hard to be different from a guy like Vernon."
"My parents seemed to love you," Lily agreed, just as her phone went off. "Speaking of which…just got a text from my mum: 'My Lily, lovely having you and James over tonight…he is a DELIGHT and welcome ANY time. PS We're so happy - he seems PERFECT for you xx'… she's even capitalized some of it."
Lily handed her phone to James for him to see. "Savvy texter she is, yeah? Speaking of being seemingly perfect for you – Striker? Really, Evans?"
This time her face went aflame. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"You have a history dating Strikers?"
"It's an exaggeration," Lily said, though she was inclined to stuff her face with pie to end this particular conversation topic. "I dated one in Year Five, then we moved so I had to switch schools… Just happened to start dating another at the new school. The position was a total coincidence – "
James smiled at her thoughtfully, as though about to continue this misery for her but after a moment nodded instead. Scooping another bite of pie into his mouth, he looked down at her mother's text one more time. His smile faltered slightly as he handed the phone back to her. "I feel a bit bad lying to them. They're good people."
She eyed him sympathetically, certain she was melting again. "If for some reason you had to see them again, they'd be more understanding than you'd think. Besides, you were just doing what I asked anyway." Would there ever be a reason for him to see them again? Well, it wasn't impossible. (She hoped.)
"That's true." He threw a look at his watch. "It's getting late, suppose we should get out of here so these poor sods can close up and enjoy what's left of their Christmas Eve?"
"Sure," she said, her heart sinking for some reason.
They donned their coats and hats and made their way toward the door. On the way James dropped another bill in the tip jar before wishing the cashier a Happy Christmas. A light breeze and faint snowfall met them as they exited the shop.
"Thanks again for coming to dinner with me tonight," Lily told him as they walked toward her car. "Can I give you a ride home? I only live about 5 minutes that way, so it really wouldn't be a bother."
James smiled as he opened her driver's side door. "I had a great time. And thanks, but I only live about 3 minutes that way – " he motioned in the opposite direction " – so I'm really fine walking."
"Oh okay." Lily rolled the window down as she closed the door. "Y'know what would make my dad forgive us for the farce? Puddlemere match tickets."
James laughed, leaning down to speak to her through the window. "Noted… I actually have an extra ticket to the match on New Year's Day if you're interested."
"It's a bit short notice but I could ask him if he's free," Lily said, reaching for her phone.
"You. I meant for you, actually. If you'd like. I'll be with my mate Sirius and my dad."
"Oh," Lily breathed out, her hand still clutching her phone as she turned back to look at James – snow flakes were beginning to settle on the black hair not concealed by his bobble hat. Pretending to be coy, she continued: "Want me to return the favor? Your fake date?"
James' laugh lasted a mere moment before he began to look sheepish. "Or y'know, it could be a real date. If you'd be interested. If that's not really strange or too forward. And you don't need to answer now if you want to think on it, of course – "
"Okay." His sputtering was adorable. She was certain she now had the consistency of a puddle.
"Okay?"
"Okay, I'll think on it. I'll text you."
If James was upset with her apparent uncertainty he didn't show it. "All right then. Will you also text me when you get home tonight? So I know you made it safely?"
"Definitely. You do the same, yeah?"
"Yeah, okay." He straightened, a smile returning to his face. "Drive safe, Evans."
"I will. Stay warm. Goodnight, James."
"Bye Lily."
Lily rolled up her window as she watched him cross the street. Once he reached the sidewalk he threw one last wave at her. She made herself stop watching him and turned back onto the street toward her apartment. Five minutes later she was kicking her boots off at the front door, being greeted by Mary.
"Spill everything," Mary demanded, patting the spot on the sofa next to her, grinning widely.
"Tomorrow. I'm knackered."
"Oh piss off. You can't expect me to wait until tomorrow. You've got to give me something." Lily smiled at her friend's melodramatics before pulling the rose from her coat pocket. "What. The fuck is that?"
Lily laughed, joining Mary on the couch. "Long story short: James was extremely charming, my mum is smitten – " ("She's not the only one!") " – I'm pretty sure I saw an email from Petunia in my inbox from about twenty minutes ago, and James…James asked me on a real date."
Mary nearly pushed Lily off the couch in her excitement. "Ahh! What did you say? That's a stupid question, of course you said yes –"
"I didn't, actually."
"You said no?"
"He said I could think on it, so I haven't said anything yet."
"Think on it? What's there to think on? You think he's gorgeous, he survived a night with your family, and still asked you out! Where to, anyway? I swear, if you say - "
"A Puddlemere match."
Mary looked manic, clenching her fists as she looked skyward. Lily could tell Mary was moments away from purposefully throwing her off the couch. "Text him right now and say yes, Lily! I won't stand for this. You're absolutely mad if you don't. Fuck's sake, I will do it for you."
Lily grinned at her friend. "Yeah, I know, I know. Tomorrow."
"Now!"
"I don't want to seem too eager, Mare."
"Don't be stupid, Lil. There's nothing romantic about being coy, especially fake coy. That's an outdated thought process. Same with the guy waiting three days to call, and all of that other ridiculous lore surrounding dating. If you enjoyed spending time with him tonight, and it looks like you did, there is literally no reason not to see him again. Besides…"
But Mary's voice dropped off as she saw Lily scroll to his name in her phone. Mary sat back on the sofa, crossing her arms across her chest, satisfied.
Make it home all right? The text popped up as Lily clicked on James' name.
I did. You as well, I presume?
Yes indeed.
Glad to hear it. Thanks again for an…eventful evening.
Glad you enjoyed yourself. I'm sure your friend is looking forward to hearing all the details.
That she is. By the way, about the Puddlemere match: yes.
Yes? :-)
Lily felt her face break into a wide grin at the sight of that silly little smiley face. Mary shifted to her right.
Yes. It's a date.
Fake or real?
Fake would be okay.
Real would be better.
Perfect. Real it is.
Goodnight, James.
Goodnight.
Lily obliged by handing her phone to Mary's outstretched hand, sharing a wide grin with her friend as she handed the phone back.
"You're both already sickeningly cute. I love it."
Lily rolled her eyes, rising from the couch. "I'm going to head to bed. Full report on dinner in the morning."
"Really looking forward to it."
Lily waved her goodnight as she walked to her room. On the way she deleted the email from Petunia without reading it. She didn't think much could ruin her night, but why chance it?