I am so ready to sink my teeth into Eli's delicate emotional state. I know it's going to be challenging to write, but I am still excited. I just really miss EClare right now.
Hey, guess what? I don't own Degrassi. I bet I just blew your mind. Or not…
Warning you now, there is a super long author's note at the end, but it needed to happen. You'll see what I mean.
Anyway, this is another Eli POV story! Hurray! Are you ready for the first half of Jesus Etc. Part 1?
Here it is:
Love is a funny emotion. It can change your whole outlook on life; make it brighter and better.
Being in love with Clare definitely made me a lot happier with the life I was living.
Yes, love does strange things to you- it can make you laugh, cry, feel pain or joy, and it can even make you irrational.
This irrationality was something I experienced when I agreed to give Clare driving lessons…
It was a school night, and Clare and I were at The Dot studying for the test on Shakespeare's Twelfth Night that Miss Dawes had promised the class. We had invited Adam, but he told us we needed to stop worrying about him, and to have some fun…alone.
We had been kind of overbearing since the Fiona incident…not letting him out of our sight and all. So Clare and I were committed to spending the night together without a single mention of Adam. It wasn't too hard; when I was with Clare the rest of the world seemed to melt away anyway.
"All I'm saying is the love in the play seems kind of shallow. I mean, I completely respect Shakespeare, he is what brought us together, but most of the characters seem fickle. Olivia and Sebastian can't really love each other- they're both just consolation prizes. And Orsino was 'in love' with Olivia right until the fifth act when he decides he actually loves Viola. I just don't like the characters that much."
"I think you're reading too much into it," Clare told me fondly.
"It is literature…am I not allowed to read into it whatever I want?"
"This is true; you are free to take away what you please."
"Are you feeling okay?" I reached for her forehead, concerned. She immediately ducked out o my way before I could make contact, though.
"I feel great! Why?"
"Usually, when I make any kind of comment about a book, it starts a heated discussion about our clash in opinions. I was just wondering why today you're being so compliant."
"Because I love you, and I don't want to 'heatedly discuss' anything."
Clare smiled sweetly at me, and I narrowed my eyes in response. "You know if you want something you can feel free to just ask. You don't need to schmooze it out of me."
"I know."
"And yet there you sit…smiling rather creepily at me."
"I got my temporary license earlier."
"Oh, congratulations, Clare! You didn't tell me you were going for your test today; I would have been there. No matter, this is cause for a celebration. I'll buy you coffee and dessert."
Clare's smile widened, and a dangerous gleam came into her eye. "Actually, there is a different way you can help me celebrate."
When she didn't elaborate, I cleared my throat. "That being…?"
"Let me drive Morty home."
I laughed, but she was staring at me, waiting for a response. "Oh, you're…you really want to drive Morty?"
"Why not? My parents are really busy, and they both turned me down when I asked if I could get started as soon as possible. Not that I would really want my mom to be the one teaching me anyway; she's not a very good passenger. So, who better to teach me how to drive than my wonderful, fabulous, charming boyfriend and his trusty steed, Morty?"
"What makes you think that I am a good passenger?"
Clare jutted out her bottom lip in a pout. "Please?"
All it took was one look at her face for all my hesitations to fall by the wayside. She was just gorgeous…and this was Clare we were talking about. Morty may have been my most prized possession, but Clare was the single most responsible person I knew. If anyone could be gentle with my precious, antique hearse it was my equally precious and adorable girlfriend.
"Fine, I give you driving lessons."
"Yes! I knew you would. Thank you, thank you!"
"Slow your road, Edwards. I'll pick you up for school tomorrow morning, and we'll start then. I don't have the energy to start right tonight. Or the nerve for that matter. But if we're doing this, we're doing this for real. You'll actually have to listen to me."
"I listen to you all the time," Clare protested, but I simply raised my eyebrows at her. "Fine, I promise to listen attentively to all your instruction, oh wise driving instructor."
"Good. I'm trusting you with my baby, Clare Edwards. Don't you dare hurt my Morty."
"Aww, Eli, your concern for me is touching."
"Just warms your heart, doesn't it?"
Clare laughed, and turned to look out the window at Morty. I sighed and let my head fall into my hand. What the hell had I gotten myself into?
XXX
The next morning, Clare was sitting on the steps outside her house waiting for me when I pulled up. Before she got in the hearse, I muttered to the steering wheel, "Better get ready for this, Morty. Someone aside from me will be driving you, and I expect you to treat her with respect. In other words, please don't break down, buddy."
"Were you just talking to your car?" Clare asked me, leaning in the driver side window, making me jump a little.
"Yeah; what of it?"
"I've just never seen anyone do that before; it's cute."
"I was just asking Morty here to treat you right…as long as you do the same to him."
"You know, I can't really treat Morty at all if you don't get out and let me behind the wheel."
"Whoa now, someone is anxious. But you're not ready for a full-blown trip yet. I need to ease you into Morty's inner workings. So, I'll get closer to school, pull into a parking lot, and we'll switch. Until then, I need you to pay attention to the delicate way I handle this bad boy."
"Really, Eli, really?"
"Humor me; please…it's a big deal that I'm going to be letting someone else drive at all."
Clare sighed, but walked over to the passenger side. "You're lucky I think you're endearing instead of annoying."
I just nodded at her, as I spouted a running commentary on everything I did from putting it in gear, to the way you had to pound on the break to get Morty to stop but gently feed the gas because that pedal was more sensitive. Clare listened studiously, forever a good student, and even asked a few questions. Finally, I reached the convenient store that was a mere two blocks from Degrassi, and pulled into the parking lot. Clare rolled her eyes at the short distance- you could see the back of Degrassi from the parking lot- but decided not to make any comments.
"Okay, are you ready?"
"I don't think I could possibly be more prepared, my dear. Are you actually letting me behind the wheel now?"
I took a deep breath, patted Morty's steering wheel affectionately, and then nodded. Clare laughed happily, and I felt like I was in the middle of surrender. But I still managed to push the door open at the same time Clare excitedly hopped out of the passenger side. We quickly switched, and I settled into the passenger side of my baby. It was a strange view.
I looked at the floor of my hearse, and noticed the magazine Miss Dawes had given me last week…huh, how had I forgotten about this competition? I quickly took note of the deadline. "Gothic Tales submission deadline's Friday. That gives me less than a week to turn my brain dump into a story." I set down the magazine, remembering the ideas that I had been toying with since I had found out about the competition. I had a dark mind…this should be a piece of cake.
Clare was expertly adjusting the mirrors as I buckled myself in, taking no chances. "Clear your schedule," she suggested helpfully, "eliminate distractions."
"Like giving driving lessons?" I retorted, only half joking.
"Okay, one distraction," she allowed, smiling coyly at me. "Your services as driving instructor in exchange for my editing skills; fair enough?"
Sounded like the perfect pay off to me; Clare had a wickedly good eye when it came to making a story better…not to mention grammatically correct. After a lot of convincing, I had gotten her to let me read her vampire fan fiction…she had a flare for the dramatic that could definitely help out my soon-to-be story.
"What would I do without my muse?" I smiled brightly at Clare. She was just so damn…perfect.
"Oh, you'd be sad and lonely," she quickly shot back, making me chuckle lightly. "And you'd have no one to drive you to school."
I would be sad and lonely most certainly, but I was pretty sure I would make it to school just fine. I decided not to say anything; I simply made a 'humph' in agreement, and leaned in for a kiss. Clare was happy to mirror my action, meeting me halfway for a quick peck on the lips before she pulled away, a huge smile on her face. I'm sure I had a similar smile on my own.
Clare looked out at the parking lot expectantly, and I could tell she was about to start Morty. I took a deep breath; why was I so anxious? I trusted Clare- Morty would be fine in her hands. Still, if she got too confident, she would stop being a defensive driver. And Morty had a lot of blind spots. Not to mention he was a little bigger than your average vehicle.
'Calm down. You're doing this for Clare,' I reminded myself. Out loud, I warned her for the umpteenth time, "Don't get too cocky. Morty's an antique hearse. Remember what we talked about: timing, agility, coordination."
Clare was glaring at me. I had probably repeated that mantra to her at least five times on the ride to the parking lot. She was ready, and I knew it, I was just playing it safe.
"All skills I happen to have," Clare declared proudly.
"You don't know Morty," I reminded her. "He's sensitive." Kind of like me…of course, Clare took great care of me. What was one more sensitive guy in her life?
Clare seemed to sense that I was done with my pre-drive lecture, so, after a victorious smile, she turned the key to start the ignition. She looked so triumphant, so free. I remembered my first time behind the wheel, and I assumed I had looked much the same; every new driver probably did. There was something trilling about being in control of where you were headed, if nothing else. Until I had met Clare, my long drives in Morty were probably the only thing that kept me sane. I owed Morty almost as much as I owed Clare…probably more.
Was it weird that I referred to my hearse like it was a person? I didn't dwell on the answer to that question.
Clare was about to put Morty in gear, so I talked her through it. "Easy on the gas- the slower we go the less chance we have of getting into an accident." Clare rolled her eyes at me, but I had seen new drivers in action before- not pretty. "I just don't want you to get hurt," I reminded her.
"I promise I'll be careful, Gramps," Clare mocked, and it was my turn to roll my eyes. What had she promised me last night? Oh, right, that she would listen to me. That was going over well.
"Okay," I gave up trying to reason with her. I couldn't stall any longer; it was time. "Put your foot on the break and put it in drive." Clare happily complied, doing exactly as I instructed. "Check your blind spots," I continued, "and gently hit the gas." I put extra emphasis on the word 'gently', hoping the more I said it the more likely Clare would be to actually listen.
Clare pressed on the gas, not as gently as I had hoped, but it was good enough for a first try. Just as we started moving, though, someone darted out in front of Morty. Clare, with lightning quick reflexes, slammed on the break, immediately bringing us to a stop. We both jerked forward from Clare's less than graceful halt, but everyone seemed okay- including the psycho that decided darting in front of a moving vehicle was a good idea. Who the hell did something like that?
Apparently Clare had gotten a better look at the idiot because in a frightened tone she made one of my worst nightmares become a reality. "Fitz?"
"What?" The name gave me a knee-jerk reaction of fear and anger, and I wished I hadn't heard her right. But there he was- standing at the window of Morty like he hadn't tried to stab me only a short while ago. Asshole; he really had some nerve.
Crippling panic seized my chest, and I almost lost control. Good thing Clare was behind the wheel. I tried to focus on the words coming out of Fitz's mouth, but everything was a garbled mess.
"Eli, I've been looking for you guys."
I didn't have time to let the words sink in, or to register their meaning. I only knew Clare and I needed to get away fast. "Let's go, let's go," I urged.
"I need to talk to you guys," Fitz yelled after us as Clare slammed on the gas, pealing out of the parking lot.
It was a good thing we were close to the school, because Clare cautiously made her way to my usual spot in Degrassi's parking lot, probably sensing that I was too shocked and scared to move. I just…of all the coincidences in the world; Fitz just happened to be at the parking lot where I had taken Clare for her first driving lesson. What the hell was up with that? And what was Fitz even doing out of juvie? Nothing made sense to me.
"That was…frightening," Clare finally broke the silence. I felt her searching gaze on my face, willing me to snap out of my momentary paralysis.
"Understatement of the century," I mocked, swallowing over the lump that had formed in my throat. "You drove here like a pro, though. I guess I had no reason to worry…about your driving, at least."
"I think it was all that adrenaline."
"We should get to class," I decided, reaching in Morty's trunk to grab my backpack, and then slipping out the passenger side door. Clare grabbed her bag at my feet, and joined me on the way to our lockers. We stayed silent until we were on our way to Clare's first class. I didn't really want to spend an entire period away from Clare, but I wasn't about to suggest skipping.
I was so lost in my anxiety, that when Clare finally broke our extended silence, I jumped.
"How is Fitz out of juvie already?" she asked frantically, obviously unable to keep her racing thoughts to herself anymore. "You don't think he escaped…"
The thought was not totally impossible, but it really didn't seem likely. "This is Fitz, not David Blaine. He must have been let out early." I was trying to comfort the obviously distraught Clare, but my voice was so obviously frantic it probably wasn't very soothing.
"Why was he trying to talk to us?" Clare wondered out loud. That was just the million dollar question, eh?
I could only think of one reason Fitz wanted to talk to me again…
"Last time I saw him he pulled a knife on me- maybe he wants to settle the score."
Of course, there was one other reason he could be back- my weakest link. He had tried that route before, and it had worked to his advantage. I met Clare's eye and shivered. He had better not go after her again or I would not be held responsible for my actions.
Not that that had gone over well the first time, but really, I could only take so much.
"They wouldn't let Fitz out if he was seriously dangerous, right?" The fear was so apparent in Clare's eyes…I just wanted to tuck her under my arm and run her all the way to safety. "Right?" she urged again.
"Let's hope so," I finally conceded.
We arrived at Clare first class, and she sighed. "It'll be okay, yeah?"
"As long as we stick together, no way that it won't be okay, I promise."
"We should probably tell Adam, too."
"Yeah, in English we can. See you then."
Clare, who very rarely initiated public displays of affection, leaned up to kiss my cheek lightly. "See you."
I closed my eyes, breathing her in deeply. I would never be able to live with myself if something happened to her- she was my life.
I walked to History, all my thoughts on Fitz and his return…his possible motives. This was a most disturbing turn of events.
History went by so slow I could have sworn the clock stopped a few times. But, finally, I was headed to English. Clare and Adam were already seated, and I heard Adam ask Clare why she looked so anxious. Before Clare could answer, I slid into my seat in front of her.
"Oh, good, you're here. I was just about to tell Adam what happened this morning."
"Please do; you guys both look like you've seen a ghost," Adam commented, trying to make light of the situation. He wasn't going to be in the mood for jokes much longer.
"I'd say it was a little worse than a ghost," I replied sarcastically.
"Okay…now you have my undivided attention. What happened to you guys?"
Clare and I looked at each other. I could still see in her eyes that she was visibly shaken. We turned to Adam and simultaneously uttered a single, loaded word. "Fitz."
Adam started, his eyes widening. "Fitz…as in Mark Fitzgerald…as in the one who should be in juvie?"
"The very one," I confirmed darkly. "We don't know how he got out, or why he's here, but he wants to talk to Clare and I. He tried to confront us in a parking lot not far from the school. I was giving Clare a driving lesson."
Adam paused, absorbing the news. "So, do you know what he wants?"
"We didn't exactly stick around to listen," Clare informed him, an edge in her voice.
"Yeah, that was probably smart. So what's the game plan?"
"We stick together, and if we see Fitz we run in the opposite direction," I advised reasonably. "He clearly has some unfinished business, but I'll be damned if I let him finish it."
Clare and Adam nodded as my eyes landed on Clare.
Last time Fitz was here our feud had been petty; born of a mild, impersonal dislike for the differences we didn't understand in each other. But Fitz's final move, bringing Clare into the center of our battle, had made it deeply personal.
Now it was my personal job to make sure Fitz didn't make the same move twice. Clare would be left out of it this time around.
I was going to protect Clare whatever it took- come hell or high water.
XXX
When the three of us met again at lunch we decided not to let Fitz ruin what would have been an otherwise perfectly normal and enjoyable week. We all tried to settle ourselves down and just eat lunch as we usually did. And, by the time the period had ended, we were all relatively relaxed.
Adam took off as soon as the bell rang, mentioning some homework he had forgotten about, leaving Clare and I to walk to our lockers alone.
"How about another driving lesson after school…since our earlier one was cut short?"
"Are you sure you're up to it?"
"Yeah, of course; you did a great job this morning- I think we can move on to some different aspects of driving. I think you got the escaping portion down."
"Har, har," Clare offered weakly.
"Seriously, Clare, it's going to be fine. But, can I ask you a favor?"
"Anything; you know that."
"Can you try not to…go anywhere around town without me…or Adam…or one of your parents."
Clare laughed, but I just waited for her to realize this wasn't funny. "Wait," she swung herself in front of me, "you're being serious?"
"As death."
Clare of all people knew I didn't take death lightly.
"Um, that a little ridiculous, don't you think?"
"If I did, would I be asking it of you?"
"Yes…I don't know if you know this or not, Eli, but you get kind of anxious."
"Har, har," I mocked.
Clare searched my face. "How about I do my best to not put myself in harm's way; that's the best I can do."
It wasn't great, but it was obviously all I was getting for the time being. I would just have to broach the subject again at a later time.
XXX
After school, Clare wasn't at our lockers, so I assumed she was already waiting out front for me. I quickly made my way to Morty, and pulled up to the front steps. I did a quick sweep of the area, and, sure enough, Clare was standing by one of the picnic tables. She wasn't facing me, so I couldn't see her face, but her posture was rigid. Huh, I wonder what had happened.
"Time for your next lesson," I called out to her, and she immediately whipped her head around to look at me. There was something surprised, wondering about her expression. She seemed torn about something. When she looked back toward the courtyard in front of the school, I called out to her again. "Hey, Clare, is everything okay?"
She shook her head as if trying to dislodge to confusion. "Yeah…I-I'm fine."
"Convincing," I noted sarcastically as I climbed out of the car. She walked toward me and Morty, gave my shoulder a quick squeeze, and climbed into the hearse. I took that as an all systems go, so I walked over to the passenger side and ducked in. It was still so weird not to be in the driver's seat. Clare looked kind of sexy behind the wheel of Morty, though…
'Focus,' I chastised myself mentally.
"Let's practice going backwards; foot on the break, put it in reverse," I said, snapping out of the thoughts that would definitely get me in trouble with Clare. However, Clare still seemed distracted, staring off into space. She didn't make a move to put Morty in gear. "Clare?" I asked, trying to break her out of her own thoughts. Her head snapped up to look at me, the confusion still evident. "Are you sure you're alright?"
"I saw Fitz," Clare told me slowly, as if spreading the words out would allow her to understand them better.
I immediately tensed. If he had hurt her…red flashed before my eyes and I took a shallow breath to steady myself. Barely keeping control of my anger I started in on the Spanish Inquisition. "What? When?"
"Just before you got here," Clare told me, still dazed. "I talked to him. When he was locked up…he found God."
I let out one quick bark of a laugh. At least he hadn't hurt her…yet. But he was obviously trying to reel her in. How low would he go; playing the Jesus card? Pitiful. "And you believe that crap? Fitz knows you Clare, he knows your weakness."
"And what is that supposed to mean?" Clare surprised me by being defensive. She couldn't honestly be hurt that I didn't believe that guy that tried to stab me was now buddy-buddy with God. Please.
"That's his angle," I elaborated for her, trying to make her understand, "the whole Jesus thing; the forgive me Lord for I have sinned thing! He's dangerous, remember?" Clare was looking at me accusingly…I was baffled. How could she forget Vegas Night? "He pulled a knife on me!" I yelled, trying to jog her memory a little bit.
"I think there's more to it than that," Clare said reasonably, and it was like someone punched me in the gut. I could not believe with a single conversation Fitz had made Clare sympathetic to him. I could not have her being friendly with him. If she was it would be so hard to make sure he didn't hurt her…like her words had just hurt me.
I exploded. "Damnit Clare, you're making it so hard for me to do my job!" My hands were clenched into fists, and I could feel my nails cutting into my palms. I just couldn't settle down enough to let them unfurl.
"Your job?" Clare asked, the anger rising in her voice, too.
"As your boyfriend, my job is to protect you," I declared. I shouldn't have to explain this; it should be obvious I was only trying to do what was best for her.
In a cold, clipped voice Clare responded, "I never asked you to do that."
She didn't have to! "Well if not me, who?" I screamed at her.
But I immediately realized my mistake. I was insinuating that Clare was incapable of taking care of herself; she was independent and a bit of a feminist. I had just insulted her in the worst way possible. But I cared about her, that was all; I just wanted to know she was safe 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
"I'm not up for another one of your lessons," Clare's calm, cool voice echoed in my head. Shit, fuck, damn. That had come out all wrong.
"Clare, I didn't mean it like that," I said quietly, silently pleading for her to stay. But Morty's door slammed shut on my words as Clare walked away.
I had screwed that up royally, and now Clare was pissed at me.
I would be damned if I let Fitz come between me and Clare, though.
However, I got the ominous feeling that I was just a little too late.
Aww damn, the shit is hitting the fan. I can't wait to see what happens in season 11; I have complete faith that EClare isn't completely finished. I could just be unwaveringly optimistic, though.
Anyway, I've come such a long way with these Eli point of views, and I wanted to take the time to thank a few people who have been particularly faithful and kind to me. This story is jointly dedicated to you:
DreamernWriter123- You are such a great person and you have helped me grow so much as a writer. You've also been there for me on a personal level, and I am forever in your dept. Thank you, thank you, and thank you.
Xlovestory33X- You're always so enthusiastic in your reviews…and you always take the time to write reviews. They truly make my day, so I must thank you as well.
GoldsworthyEdwards24- You, too, have always taken the time to tell me how much you enjoy my writing, and I appreciate it more than words can express. Your kind words never cease to make me smile.
There are so many more of you- killrwhale, takethecurve, Chelfrie, DegrassiCat, munrochambers4ever…I could go on forever, but I really don't have the time. Just know that, even if I forgot to mention you, I still appreciate that you take the time to read and review my stories. To have such a supportive fan-base is heartwarming, and I sincerely mean it when I say I love you guys.
As always, thanks for reading! You guys truly are the best. =)