A/N: This is set before Bella was turned into a vampire. No one has inexplicably been turned into a human when they're not meant to be one, and there are no odd new characters with special powers. Bella also does not have fifty-two brothers, nor is her father Charlie a football coach. Now that we've got all that straightened out, let's begin!
Bella shook her brown hair out of her eyes early that morning and berated herself again for being responsible for her terrible night's sleep. She remembered the good old days when she was able to snuggle up in her nice warm bed alone, however, now that she had a cold, marble-like boyfriend to keep her company, sleeping was getting a lot more uncomfortable. She didn't mind, of course… no, Edward was wonderful… but these goddamned circles under her eyes were not getting any smaller! And the cause of them was leaning against her chest of drawers with an amused smile playing out across his lips in an infuriating fashion.
"This is all your fault." Bella said accusingly as she did something she wouldn't normally do and broke open the seal on a bottle of liquid concealer. "People keep asking me if I'm sick. They've been telling me to make sure I ingest plenty of iron!"
Edward's face fell. He was always one to feel incredibly guilty over little things.
"I shouldn't be doing this to you." He agonized; wringing his hands together as he held himself back from dashing across the room to give her a hug. "I should stay away at night. I will. I will stay away at night from now on."
"That's not what I meant!" Bella gasped; dropping the bottle on her vanity in surprise. Looking down she saw it had spilled everywhere but simply shrugged and began to dab it off the wooden surface in order to apply it to her face.
"Oh you look better without that stuff." Edward interjected. Bella looked at him and he felt the need to explain. "I can see the smears under your eyes. To you, it blends in. To us, -my family and I, we just kind of wonder why you've got thick paint under your eyes. It doesn't look the same as skin at all."
Bella glared at her reflection and felt the stress of being a vampire's girlfriend weighing up on her.
"Regardless," she began; resuming her application of makeup, "since we didn't have school today I thought I'd drive to that bookstore in town and get something a little newer than Wuthering Heights to read. Just for a change."
"You're sick of Wuthering Heights?" Edward asked in disbelief. "Since when do you get sick of anything?" He abruptly changed tack. "You should read Angela Carter. She's just as dark but just a tad bit creepier."
"Well c'mon, school's about as challenging as a brick, I've adjusted to your-" Bella waved her hand vaguely at him, "-ness… I'm bored out of my freaking mind. I've given up on you springing anything exciting on me. You keep obsessing that you may give me hairline fractures."
"I will give you hairline fractures." Edward insisted.
"Exactly! So if I can't entertain myself with you then I'll have to find something else. I've heard of this new teen-novel that's all the rage."
Edward blinked at her. He despised teen-fiction.
"It's about vampires." Bella elaborated.
Edward let out a bark of what she hoped was laughter.
"What?" She demanded.
"Oh dear god, tell me it's not about teen vampires. Oh god, it's Buffy the Vampire Slayer isn't it? Why would you read that?" He fixed her with a disgusted expression and she realised it was because he thought she liked fiction where his kind were brutally murdered. She hastily backtracked.
"No, no, it's about a girl who moves to a new town and falls in love with a vampire." Bella elaborated.
"What, he's just wandering around in broad daylight?" Edward laughed.
"No, it's always raining there. They're under the cover of cloud."
"That still wouldn't prevent the spontaneous combustion!" Edward shrieked.
Bella rolled her eyes.
"Edward you told me yourself that vampires don't do that."
"But that is the widely-held myth!" He insisted. "Who is this author?"
"Am I in the inquisition now?" Bella demanded.
"I will rephrase that. Who is the author, and if you neglect to tell me I shall be forced to give you a hairline fracture."
Bella threw her pillow at Edward which inexplicably, exploded.
"I told you, I break everything by accident." Edward sighed.
"Stop threatening me!" Bella shrieked.
"Okay, I apologise from the depths of my being. Who is this author though?"
"Stephanie Meyer." Bella responded. "Evidently she 'dreamt' this story up."
"Of the non-combusting vampires?" Edward prodded.
"Yes of the 'non-combusting vampires'. What is with you and fire?"
"Fire burns us!" Edward hissed. During this conversation he had managed to gravitate across the room and was now standing beside her; peering at her application of eye-concealer. "Can I blend this in for you?"
Bella, whose eyes thought it was already deftly blended in, shrugged her shoulders in consent.
"There you go." Edward beamed. She turned to look in the mirror to see it was removed entirely.
"Edward!"
"But now it's blended in. I mean, I can barely see the smears of ochre-tinted paint. Lovely job, dear."
The sounds of birds chirping outside reminded Bella that it was still quite early in the morning and they should still keep it down lest Charlie feel the need to put down his knife and fork to come and investigate. Most of the time she hid out in her bedroom 'til he was gone -Edward woke her up rather early in the morning. He typically assumed sun meant wakefulness with humans. It was something to do with birds. Anyway, if Charlie had caught sight of Bella wandering around getting ready for school at six in the morning he would definitely wonder if something was wrong with her. And then he would want to know why she was so gosh darn chirpy.
"Tell me more." Edward was insisting.
"I haven't read the bloody thing yet." Bella hissed as she dragged a brush through her hair. She stopped abruptly and looked at him. "Does you skin regenerate?"
"What?" He seemed mildly taken aback.
"Does your skin-"
"I heard you." He cut her off. "That is a disgusting question."
Before she could ask him to explain he was off on another tangent.
"You know, I can smell everything." He informed her smugly.
"Meaning?" Bella felt a little uncomfortable with this statement of his. She knew a certain timing of the month was approaching in the next few days.
"Everything." Edward verified. With a stifled shriek of horror she shoved him away from her. He rather chivalrously pretended to fall over in a dead faint.
"Oh that's disgusting, I mean, I feel so unclean." Bella hissed. "And what does that mean? Do you feel an overpowering urge to kill me?"
"Bah!" Edward rolled over to grab at another of her pillows and clenched it in his powerful grip. "If you think that's the same as real blood then you need to go back to-"
"I think I'm done with this conversation." Bella said quickly. Edward inspected the ceiling.
"I don't know why you're so embarrassed. I'm not embarrassed."
"Do vampires need to pee?" Bella suddenly demanded. It worked. Edward was caught completely off guard. Being the typical old-fashioned boy he was he blushed bright scarlet, or, he would have if he had blood.
"Er-" He began.
"It's not the same thing as real pee." Bella mocked mischievously. Edward threw the pillow at her but it hit her so hard it knocked her into the wall. Predictably, he was hit by an immense wave of guilt.
"Bella I'm so sorry!" He insisted as he tried to help her up. She waved him off and clambered to her feet unaided; complaining of a spinning of vision. "Seriously, anything, anything you want."
"Right." She decided; feeling cruel. "Anything?"
"Anything!" He insisted.
"Buy me the entire Twilight series."
And it was then that an ignorant Charlie put down his fork and wondered why the hell Bella was stomping around her bedroom at this time of the morning.