I know Dean Winters got another show, (damn you Dean for breaking my Bensidy heart) but after reading the deleted scene which will be in this, got me thinking of another ending for Bensidy with Dean not in the show once.

This is the ending I would of preferred actually think I would of preferred a Bensidy wedding and baby but hey probably not possible

It was harder writing it than I thought as it was a hard Bensidy episode to write

Please review it, was trying to write it in Brian's view and Olivia's view and it was hard

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"Talk everything OK, how about dinner tonight"

"Usual place"

"How about we try that new bistro something different"

"What's wrong with the usual place"

Was that how it all started and went wrong, from this morning to this evening and that photo of baby boy doe and no one wanting him and that she didn't think our relationship would survive if she adopted him like she wanted

Looking at him after it all was it another fight, how many were we having lately he never did want to fight if she was honest she didn't like fighting with him either but the job being in charge, the decisions everything, was he right.

Pouring the glass of wine watching as his back turned to her turning on the TV ignoring her, pouring her glass or wine and sipping it her eyes moving to his back, she didn't want to go out, she didn't want to continue the conversation, she didn't want to tell him she couldn't open up to him and tell him what happened she didn't want to go back to the dark place she wanted to forget Lewis and move on forget what he did to her, the scars were a permanent reminder of the torture but they were slowly fading along with her nightmares.

Was the relationship able to be fixed, was it beyond repair, were they drifting apart. His words from a few moments ago echoing in her head " I kind of feel we are out of sync" if she was honest she wondered if their relationship was able to move forward to the next level or what she wanted a family and kids but she didn't know how to tell him, but here he was telling her.

Looking at Brian watching the TV how did it get to this stage that they were nearly strangers biting her lips she had no idea how to fix it to even attempt it, he wanted something she couldn't give him and she wanted something that she wasn't sure he could give her.

She didn't really want to eat but she was late coming home "Brian what take out do you want?"

Not even turning around "you make the decision Liv, you always do"

Moving her eyes around "that's not fair Brian"

Standing up from the chair turning to look at her "I don't want to fight with you Liv, whatever you want is fine"

Blinking back the tears what was happening to them "Either do I but I can't tell you, I'll order Thai"

Looking at him sitting again watching the TV how had his happened, how did it get like this, they were drifting apart, was the TV more important than them what was there to talk about he tried opening up she shut him down, he wanted to talk to her, what did she say "I'm tired, your tired" his words piercing through her "we're tired" .

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BRIAN

He wanted Liv to open up to him tell me about it, we were drifting apart, out of synch he wanted to fix it there was something he had wanted to tell her for so long but never got the chance and lately we were out of sync, did she really here what he was saying I was trying hard, I wanted to have sex with her but she always went to bed too tired, he couldn't remember the last time we made love we had fallen into a routine.

She was embarrassed by my job at IAB but I got my shield back and out of the night shifts, it though had taken its toll of their relationship what they could talk about, mostly thanks to that idiot partner of hers Amaro he couldn't talk about his work and she could only talk about certain things, not the best for a couple who had just moved in together but I couldn't be picky now. But he was so proud of her becoming Sergeant in SVU, his girlfriend Sergeant Benson.

But with her being Sergeant it was taking over, her work and being in charge, even now she was talking about the case I wanted to talk about us, work things out. He cooked her breakfast but she couldn't even stay for that I wanted to talk to her. Here she was wanting to try new things, was that saying something about us was she getting bored.

He had wanted to move in with her, take the huge step it, after having her live with him for 8 weeks he got used to it and liked having someone to come home to, the first few weeks or more were hard with the intimate contact but we got through it. He loved living with her, coming home to her lying in bed next to her each night, he just loved her.

All he could guess is what she went through the scars on her body the way she was, the emotional scars took longer to heal than the physical ones and even now those emotional ones were still there.

He didn't want to fight with her I wanted to talk and sort things out, he loved her, there is was those three words that he hadn't yet told her, would there be the correct time to tell her that.

Turning to watch the television seemed the easier option she didn't want to open up I didn't want to get into an fight with her damn didn't she realise how much I wanted her, how much he wanted to be with her. Whilst they played it safe at first neither of them wanting a commitment he knew he was the safe easy option for her, the odd hook up, damn even Valentine was several days early so they didn't have to define their relationship.

The trip to the Bahamas was amazing for Christmas, the moment he saw her again something within him came alive she was the one he wanted to be with and couldn't imagine his life without her, maybe I should tell her that. He wanted to work it out but did she?

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OLIVIA

Lying on the bed how did they get into another argument, she was late coming home from work due to the case with Jenny and he didn't even care, was this how it was going to be, there was a time they both talked about their work and our day now he wasn't even interested, could she blame him she was late and bringing the work home all the time, biting his head off for the smallest of things.

Her eyes moving around the bedroom their things on the dressing table the whole conversation going over in her head as soon as she walked into the apartment.

I walked into the apartment "sorry I am late" he had already pushed the dinner reservation back and turned off the TV as soon as I walked in, as I walked over to him kissing him on the lips maybe I shouldn't of asked what he wanted to talk about

Looking up at the ceiling "I kind of feel we are out of sync"

Touching his arm what was happening "Brian what's going on"

"Liv when we moved in together I thought we'd get loser but honestly it feels we had more fun when we were just hooking up

I couldn't' look at him as he was telling the truth "I hear you" and I did there was something not right I just didn't have the courage yet to tell him

He then said "Do you" and I honestly did but I just didn't know how or when to tell him instead the lounge looked more appealing the whole apartment instead of looking at him he had the courage to say what I couldn't, or was it I didn't want to lose him after all.

Then he started with Lewis and not once that I told him what happened and I did go through the worse possible time but I didn't' want to talk about it he didn't need to know. Depsite knowing he wouldn't treat me or look at me differently maybe the images in his head would tell something else, he knew afterwards he didn't believe what I told him.

Was I protecting myself and not him, his words "are you protecting yourself" he did know me, and I was I didn't want to admit it not when he helped me so much

"Know what I don't want to fight with you anymore" I didn't want to fight with him or go out anymore.

I had to try to smooth things over but then he said We're tired" that word and turned away and turned the TV on. All I could do is look at him whilst I poured myself a drink of red wine, the thing that has gotten me through so much lately that wine. Taking a sip his back was turned and the television on meaning he didn't want to talk or fight and the tension was there, but did I want to open up and talk to him, I can't.

She loved Brian that much she was sure off, even though he hadn't told her but she couldn't open up to him. The images would never totally go away in her head she just didn't want to tell him or have any of them in his head. She wanted to forget Lewis existed and would he look at her differently.

She wanted to talk to him but just couldn't about moving forward the pregnancy test a couple of months ago when she thought that door hadn't closed that maybe she could have what she had always dreamed off, but it was negative he was relieved maybe she should have been but instead she was disappointed. Maybe she should of told him in another way but she had no idea of his reaction and took the way that was the least amount of discussion before she knew.

Out of sync she couldn't get that out of her head, hooking up was that all it was sex for a while, if she wasn't assaulted by Lewis and moved in with him, would they just still be hooking up or would they have moved on.

What was happening to them, he had obviously been thinking about it, were they really out of sync and growing apart could she really tell him how he she felt and what would happen then, did he still want to be with her, they did need to talk but she didn't know if she could.

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This has taken months to write, I don't know if I would ever be really happy with it, as it is one of the hardest fanfics to write as I love Bensidy and that episode is still so hard to watch (can't even remember most of the other scenes only the Bensidy ones and the scene in Lindstrom office)