INTRODUCTION
Preface
(AKA Why are you doing this to me?)
If you have anything more than a passing interest in fanfiction, you have probably came across mary-sue type characters. If you have spent even more time looking at fanfiction, or even if you just frequent encyclopediadramatica, you will know the horror that is the fanfiction "My Immortal" by Tara Gilesbie. Words simply cannot describe its horribleness concisely. Read the original 'manuscript' before this, google will show you the way.
It is advised that you read it at least a little bit before you begin, it will enhance the experience and you will become stronger for it. If this story must come under the umbrella of conventional fanfiction, it must be classified as a crackfic. Unless has a story category called "Great justice"
(Or TL;DR - go read 'My Immortal' so you know what it is we're taking the piss out of.)
Protip: Google "My Immortal worst fanfiction". Shit bricks.
Dedicated to all dem prepz nd posrz ut ther, coz dey need mor luv.
SUMMARY – What do an egoistical cyborg, a bastard geek from hell and a blundering she-pirate have in common? Absolutely nothing! Apart from a collective hate of the most notorious Mary-sues of all time… Read if you dare!
WARNINGS – sue-bashing, clashing egos, possible risk of brain cell loss, extremely OOC canon characters (not our fault, honest) and rather a lot of piss-taking.
Not recommended if you're reading this late at night, high on caffeine (or anything else for that matter) or already of below-average IQ. You've been warned!
DISCLAIMER Queeg The Terminator, Alexander the Guard, and BioHazard own nothing except their OCs Gray, Simon and Griselda. The Harry Potter series belongs to J.K. Rowling, who is better than Stephenie Meyer in EVERY WAY. That includes beating her at pong. My Immortal belongs to Tara Whats'erface.
Chill dudes and dudettes, we're just doing it for the lulz.
***
The Characters
"Simon", as written by Queeg The Terminator
Bastard geek from hell.
Eighteen years old, technological genius, sociopath, sneaky and underhanded.
Uses a lot of mind altering substances, habitual user of amphetamines.
Gets injured a lot during the story. Just doesn't give a fuck about anything.
'Gray', as written by Alexander the Guard
Gray is an egotistical genius who is assured of his superiority over everyone else. An Augmented Human from the far future, on a planet called Murr which has recently been the site of a great battle.
Gray wieghs much more than his stature would suggest, what with all the cybernetic upgrades. Pale and lanky, with short brown hair, starting to turn white with age he always wears his Russian Greatcoat and Aviator sunglasses to conceal the fact he is not an ordinary human.
'Elda', as written by BioHazard
Captain Griselda Bell may have been raised the daughter of a wealthy merchant, but her love of gold, jewels and other shiny things has since turned her to a life of piracy! From a fictional swashbuckling world set around 18th-century England, she is dragged through a plothole and into the mess that is 'My Immortal'. Unfortunately for her, Gray and Simon are less impressed by her bravado than her blundering two-man pirate crew. Driven by a lust for wealth and fame (not to mention to be taken seriously by everyone else), Elda tends to pilfer things from everyone she meets.