She watched him as he sat on the ground and listened to Rin talk on and on. He was menacing and cold, but right now he looked like a father. He cared about the young girl. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she felt feelings rise from the pit of her stomach. She felt warm inside, as if someone had turned on the light. She leaned against the tree and let her eyes rest on him again.
Kagome was different now. She had grown up in so many ways. She stood by her best friend when he admitted that he loved a dead person more than her. She supported her two friends when they had their fights. She had even been strong on the night that Shippo had been killed. She still felt her heart weighed down by that tragedy, and it haunted her dreams. But it was also this night that forced her to realize that she couldn't keep pretending that she would be just fine.
Kagome brushed away the stray tear that had appeared on her cheek. Her life had stopped being easy a long time ago, and she needed to get used to it. She had to confront everything that stood in her way. She glanced over at the sleeping figures of her friends. She had told them everything she had ever held back from them. She insulted Inuyasha, yelled at Kikyo, slapped Miroku, and cried with Sango. And now, all she had left was to talk to the only other person in the group that she had avoided.
Kagome pushed away from the tree and approached the daiyokai and his charge. She smiled down at the young girl and returned the hug she was given. Rin smiled at her and left them alone, heading over to the fire. The young miko watched her go with sad eyes; as much as the kitsune's death had effected her, Rin had taken it especially hard. Shippo had been her constant companion and true friend in the months since they had joined together.
"What do you want?"
Kagome turned at the sound of Sesshomaru's deep and very annoyed voice. She looked into his glowing golden eyes. She saw contempt and distaste, but she also saw the barrier that was always present. She sighed and crossed her arms. This was not going to be easy.
"I have some things to tell you."
"Oh?" Sesshomaru raised one of his eyebrows. "And what makes you think I care?"
"Just shut up and listen," Kagome snapped, and to her surprise, he did. "I don't care if you hate me. Go ahead. It doesn't bother me in the least. I hate you so much that it bothers me inside. I truly hate you. I've never hated anyone in my life. I hate the fact that you are a cold blooded killer that despises humans for weaknesses you think we have. My stomach rolls when I think of all the pain you've ever caused because of your stubbornness and pride. I hate everything about you.
And yet, at the same time, I can't help but care about you. I look at you with Rin and I know that you're not as cold hearted as I thought you were. I look into your eyes and see that you have hidden secrets and hidden stories that you never want the world to see. I watch as you fight to protect what is yours, and I know that you are loyal and true to those you let in. Those are traits I admire in anyone.
I've been fighting with myself, and I can't choose between hate and love. I hate you with everything that's in me. I know that. But, if that's true, then why do I care about you so? Why do I try to spend as much time with you as possible? Why do I watch you when you're otherwise occupied? And why do you haunt my thoughts all day and night? For a long time I had no idea.
I finally figured it out when I was talking to Inuyasha. I can get by on a day to day basis, as long as I stay busy. But if I stop to think about it, I realize my true feelings. And I don't want to. I don't want to love you like I do."
Sesshomaru stared at her for a moment. Her eyes were flat and empty, as they had been since the little one had died. But there were a few tears there, hidden behind the anger and self loathing. "Why not?"
Kagome looked up at the night sky as a single tear ran down her cheek. "Because I don't think I have anymore love in me to give away. I know that as soon as I do, I will lose you as I lost Inuyasha. And as I lost Shippo. More than anything, I don't want that to happen. You are a solid demon, one that is strong enough to withstand almost anything. But even great stone pillars eventually fall."
Kagome turned and took a few steps. She wanted to walk away from him, and leave this world behind. She was not needed here anymore. But, after a moment, she stopped. She turned back to him and smiled a broken smile. "If you ever get the urge to feel something for humans, please do not pity me." In the next moment she was gone.
Sesshomaru did not move for a long time. Her words had rocked him to his core. She was a strong and fiery woman that never let anything stand in her way. But since the night when he had failed to stop the large demon that invaded their camp, she was simply gone. Her physical form was still with them, but her spirit had left. Maybe she was searching for Shippo. Maybe she was looking for herself. He didn't know, but he did not like to see her so alone.
Kagome stood on the edge of the cliff and looked up at the moon. She knew that if she took a few more steps she would fall to her death. She would be able to see Shippo again if she did that. But she had a deep love for life, and she knew that the small fox kit would not want her to take that step. She wrapped her arms around herself to try to warm up. It was no use. She was cold from the inside out.
She turned when she heard him behind her. She merely looked at him as he walked to stand next to her. She looked into his eyes and smiled that same broken smile at him.
Something in him broke as he watched her. He was losing her. He could feel her drifting away into the night, and he knew, somehow, that if she left, she would never come back. He reached out and gently took her hand in his. He looked down at it.
"You know," he said softly. "These hands are so gentle and fragile. You're so easily broken. All humans are. You need someone to defend you when something bad happens. I hate weakness, and that's what you are. You could be my weakness. Just like Rin. I push her away because I do not need something to bring me down. She does not care because she knows that she is always welcome with me.
You said you hate me. I hate you too. But it is not for the reasons you think. I hate your unwavering faith in my brother. I hate your passion for your friends. I hate your protective nature. You have so many qualities that are so important in this life, and you are stronger than many demons. And I hate that.
Most of all, I hate the you that you are now. I hate to see you so empty inside. I hate to see the pain that crosses your face when you lie down in your sleeping bag at night. I hate watching you reach out for the small body that slept next to you. And I despise the tears that leak from your eyes when you come to realize that he's gone for good.
I can't change who I am, so I can't change your hate for me. But I can tell you that I do care about you too. You made me see clearly when I was lost in a fog. When you walked up to me and invited me to join you, I thought you were joking. But you simply looked at me and told me that you thought I needed a friend. You told me you wanted to be that friend. And I could see my path clearly from that day on.
I will never pity you, for I know how you feel on the inside. I cannot stand here and tell you that I love you, because it would be a lie. However, I will tell you that I want to be that friend that you need now. I will stand beside you, protect you, and fight for you, as the others do. But I will also listen to you when you need to talk, and hold you when you need to cry. Whatever you want from me, you need to only ask. I will give it to you if I am able."
Kagome looked up at him in amazement. He surprised her in so many ways. She felt the tears slide from her eyes, and she turned to hide them. She felt his hand caress her cheek and pull her back. He gently wiped away her tears, and it was that simple gesture that caused the damn to break. She started to sob, and he pulled her into a tight embrace.
"I miss him so much," she whispered as she cried.
"I know. I am sure he misses you as well. But you will see him again someday. And do not forget that he is with his mother and father now."
Kagome nodded, but the tears would not stop. Sesshomaru merely held her close and looked up at the sky. Yes, he hated the young woman in his arms. But he loved her too. And love would always overpower the hate.