Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No infringements intended.

This is my first try at fan fiction so bare with me :0)

BPOV

"Edward, Edward, Edward! "

I continued to scream his name in my head. It was all I could do as my barrier finally shattered. I stood frozen as I saw Laurent pounce towards me. Frozen with fear, acceptance and knowing what little experience I had of the world was coming to a swift end.

"Edward…I love you."

I felt the searing pain of his teeth sink into my flesh as I stood frozen in his grip. I could not fight this, I didn't want to fight this. I closed my eyes not wanting to see.

I thought this would be the end of all the pain I had suffered due to Edward and the Cullen's leaving me. The hole… the ripping… the pain that was left for months on end for me to endure, correction, the pain I willingly let envelope me. I felt myself fall on my knees, burning, oh god it burns. What's happening to me? Death shouldn't burn? Numb is all I should feel. The emptiness, my body, my soul swallowed up into nothingness?

Ok, now this is so much more…my body is an inferno. I faintly hear a thud as I fall the rest of the way to the ground, growls, whooshing wind but its sounds so far off. Oh this burns! So much so I want the ground to swallow me up and slowly choke me to death. Anything would be better than this.

At the time it was a stupid thought to have but then again, so many things were jumbling my brain, fighting to get heard. I knew what was happening in truth. I had been bitten, I was changing and for reasons unknown to me at the time death would not be granted to me. Laurent had been chased off, ripped to pieces and burnt to ashes. I had been unconscious for two days. I had been told this later on my awaking by a very worried Jake. Oh Jake, he had cared for me the best he could. Dragging me into the tree line to keep me out of the rain, guarding over me, soothing me with words when bouts of screaming ensued. I remember faint blurs of images from that time, of shadows passing through the tree line, humongous shadows. I also learnt later that was Jake. My best friend was a werewolf. A werewolf of all things! I should have known from the start when I found out vampires existed that it didn't stop there.

We stood far apart from each other in the meadow at this moment; I was a newborn after all. I did not want to hurt the only friend I had left in this world. Jake was recounting what happened and talking about what this meant now. We both realised what it would mean. We were lost to each other now. I had lost everything and everyone I had ever cared about. No amount of wishing could reverse what had happened. Even in thinking this I felt my chest heave. The pain, it shouldn't still be here. The emotions gripped me and I wrenched over on my knees gripping what sense of reality I had left.

I was alone. I had nowhere to go. I had no hope and an eternity to dwell upon it.

Jake saw the pain flit across my face and watched as I crumpled to the ground.

"Bella? Please...We…I can help you" his brows furrowed as he fought back his tears.

"Its too late Jake." I started to laugh hysterically "This is all I wanted for my future remember? I just hadn't planned on spending an eternity alone"

Thoughts of Alice jumping up and down when I finally agreed to a shopping trip, Emmett and his joyous laugh, all the Cullen's came smashing into my mind. They had left me. Left me for dead. I was nothing but a human toy to them. An amusement…a distraction…nothing more. Even speaking these truths, I still missed them. Mad as that sounded.

"Jake. I'm sorry"…

It was at that point of thought that I ran, I ran as fast as I could go, trees whirled past me on all sides. It was so easy, so natural to do it. I knew where I was heading. The Mountains. I ran, I jumped and I climbed until I found what I was looking for. A small grassy isolated ledge high up on the side of the mountain. I was panting. Why? I had no longer any need to breathe. I abruptly stopped. It came to me why we breathed, the smell. I could no longer use those senses it was very disorientating.

I sat down and wrapped my arms around my legs while I stared at the setting sun noticing for the first time the shimmering that came off my skin. At one point in my life that would have make me smile beyond belief but now, well I noted it and moved on.

I tried to empty my head of all thoughts and just stare into the abyss of the landscape. This isn't easy I found out. I was capable of so many thoughts at once now. I thought about my changes…I could feel the panic starting to grip me again…how could I have not noticed. The thirst. I'm a newborn shouldn't I be a crazed bloodthirsty beast by now?

It burnt a little in my throat but I had been so relieved to be released from the change that I have taken no notice of it. I let the situation and my emotions claim me instead.

I had no idea how to hunt. How do you do it? Is it learnt is it instinctive?

I decided bloodthirsty newborn or not. I was not moving from this spot until I had my thoughts under control. What if I hurt someone? I cringed at the thought.

I wanted to cry but I knew I couldn't. I leaned against the rock face and stared endlessly.

I truly don't know how long I had stayed like that day's…months. The sky had become a blur of different colours deepening, lightening just a blur. While my mind raced on and on and on. Not stopping on a memory or a thought long enough to dwell, like a perpetually grinding wheel, it when on and on. Slowly torturing myself.

"I don't want this!" I screamed, louder and louder until the rocks around me started to vibrate.

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