AN: Hello! Warnings for homophobic/derogatory language, as well as excessive sappiness. As always, thank you for reading and please favorite/review!
This was a terrible idea. Arthur knew that as soon as he walked into the restaurant, but it was too late to turn back now.
"Arthur," Uther said as Arthur took his seat at the table.
"Hello, father," Arthur replied. He forced himself to look his father in the eye as he greeted him, even as his innards recoiled at the cold disapproval he found there. Uther's eyes narrowed when they darted to Arthur's ear, double-pierced. His jaw tightened.
A waiter arrived with the menus, which Arthur took, grateful for the excuse to avoid his father's gaze.
He shouldn't have come, he realized this now. Somehow, foolishly, Arthur had convinced himself that if he just talked to his father, Uther would suddenly forget his prejudices and accept his son's profession as no less dignified as any stuffy office job.
Arthur wondered how he possibly could have thought that would work. Uther's beliefs were locked into his mind like a bricks embedded into a wall, and no amount of pushing or pulling would loosen them. That was how it had been for the last twenty-five years. No amount of insisting or arguing or explanation would convince Uther that Arthur's job as a porn star was respectable.
"It's good to see you again, father," Arthur ventured. Uther grunted in response and didn't look up from his menu.
Arthur's insides burned. After three years of minimal contact, that was as much as his father was willing to give him. There was a reason they hadn't spoken much, but Arthur had hoped Uther would at least try to bridge the gap between them. He had shown up here, after all, after Arthur had invited him. Arthur had put in the effort to present himself as the son Uther always wanted. He'd chosen a high class restaurant, he'd worn a good suit with a tasteful necktie, and he'd taken out his earrings, just to convince his father that he could be professional and true to the Pendragon name.
After the waiter took their orders- half portions for the both of them, the quicker to eat and leave- Uther sat back and nodded to the silver ring that sat on Arthur's left hand.
"Still with that boy," Uther stated.
"Merlin," Arthur replied, "We've been together four years now."
"And he tolerates your...activities, does he?"
Arthur grimaced. "Merlin loves me. He understands that my job is just a job."
Uther raised his eyebrows.
"Surely it must bother him, sharing you with all those other men."
"It doesn't," Arthur said flatly. "He knows I'm his."
Arthur had been worried to tell Merlin what he really did for a living, back when they had first started dating. It wasn't because he was ashamed of what he did; quite the opposite, actually. But he knew what people thought of porn stars, especially those who were famous for bottoming. When he had told Merlin, eventually, Merlin had just smiled and said he'd wondered where Arthur had learned to be so good in bed. Four years later, Merlin still doesn't mind that Arthur has sex with other men daily, as long as it's Merlin who he comes home to every night. They've become like any other committed couple, living together, eating the same food, sleeping in the same bed, watching the same crappy movies every Sunday night. Merlin massages Arthur after particularly vigorous shoots and has even become friends with some of Arthur's costars. Of course, the sex is fantastic.
"I certainly wouldn't tolerate any partner of mine going off and flaunting their affairs," Uther said over the rim of his wine glass.
"I don't have affairs," Arthur growled. "I'm faithful to Merlin. This," Arthur held up his ring, "proves that."
"And yet you let others use your body who are not your partner," Uther said, "That is cheating."
"I wouldn't expect you to understand," Arthur said bitterly, "You never loved any of your wives."
Arthur knew from the way his father's eyes widened that he'd struck a nerve.
"How dare you," Uther hissed.
Arthur shrugged. "All of your marriages have failed," he said, "If those marriages were everything a relationship is supposed to be, why did they all make you miserable?"
"You cannot say things like that to me," Uther exclaimed, leaning forward to better spit his words at Arthur, "I maintain the Pendragon dignity, yet you have the gall to spit on the family name and make it mud. You're a disgrace. I could have lived with you being a homosexual if you had been quiet about it, but the fact that you choose to flaunt your perversion makes me ashamed to even know you."
"Father-"
"Do not interrupt me!" Uther almost shouted.
"People are staring!" Indeed, the diners at the surrounding tables were beginning to turn their heads towards the sounds of the angry voices that were interrupting their meals.
"It is time you learned your place," Uther said. "Your perversion is shameful. I cannot accept a child of mine to be a whore."
Arthur froze. He could feel the eyes on him, the startled gasp of the lady at the next table over.
"What did you call me?" He trembled.
Uther's face twisted into a snarl.
"You are a whore, Arthur," Uther said, "I know it, Merlin knows it, your clients all know it. You are nothing more than a worthless slut."
The words slammed into Arthur like a truck. Suddenly he couldn't breathe. He could feel the blood rushing in his ears and burning up his face, his hands shaking where they rested on the table.
"You can't call me that," Arthur said, but his voice wasn't steady.
"It is what you are, and you're lying to yourself if you think you're anything else."
There was a great scraping sound as Arthur stood sharply from his seat.
"You cannot say that to me," Arthur said, placing his fists on the table, "I don't care if you think I am a disgrace, or somehow shameful to the family name. But I am not a slut or a whore."
His entire body was shaking with anger, the edges of his vision blurring. All he could see was his father's glare, so sure of himself.
"Sir," Said a voice suddenly at his side, "You're making a scene, please sit down and lower your voice."
Arthur stared hard at his father. His father stared back and said nothing.
Arthur reached into his pocket and fished out his wallet.
"I invited you here to make peace," he said, "At least I made the effort. If you won't listen to me, fine. I'm sure you'll be glad to get rid of such a disgrace, because I am no longer your son." He threw a random wad of bills on the table and turned to storm away. Uther didn't call him back.
Tears came burning into his eyes and down his cheeks as he shouldered his way onto the street to hail a taxi. He was still shaking as he got into the cab, the anger coursing through every part of him. As he traveled away from the restaurant, the anger quieted and gave way to shame.
He'd been called worse names than slut and whore, growled into his ear by whoever was fucking into him. They'd called him bitch, dirty skank, cumrag, but that was different. That was for the camera, so that whoever was watching with their hands down their pants would get turned on and pay to see more. They never meant it.
The way Uther had said it was in absolute truth. Uther had never lied to spare Arthur's feelings growing up, making each and every comment, about his grades, his appearance, his behavior, gospel. Uther was right when he said Arthur's paper wasn't good enough to get him into a good university, and he was right when he said Arthur wasn't good enough to work for the family company. Calling him a whore was no different.
People listened to Uther, always. As a child Arthur had seen the cleaning staff stumble over their "yes, sir"s and "of course, sir"s. Uther's wives had nodded in response to every word Uther said. Even the most respected businessmen stuttered in their haste to agree with him. Every decision Uther made and every opinion he ever had had been right. It made him the shining, dignified businessman he was.
Arthur furiously cuffed the boiling tears away from his face, and as he did so, he felt his ring brush against his skin. Arthur pulled down his hand to look at it.
He loved Merlin, the ring was proof of that. He loved Merlin with all his heart and body. But it was true that Arthur went out every day and slept with other men, let people who weren't Merlin bend him over and stick their cocks inside of him. And Arthur loved it, moaned for it, begged for it. He loved the feeling of a cock inside him, fat and hard and fucking him until he was wrecked. It was something he'd selfishly refused to give up for Merlin, even though Merlin had never asked him to.
Arthur wondered what he would do if Merlin ever did ask him to leave his job. So far Merlin had never said a word against Arthur's profession, not even during their most explosive fights. Arthur could come home and complain that his costar hadn't used enough lube that day, and Merlin would not get jealous. He would smile and say he'd go run a bath, then climb into the water with him and hold Arthur close. If forced to choose, Arthur knew he would choose the person he loved over the job he loved, but he'd miss it all the same.
Merlin deserves more, Arthur thought as he paid the cab driver and made his way into the apartment building. Merlin, who is so kind and caring and beautiful, deserves more than what Arthur gives him: a man used, ruined goods. A slut.
Arthur let himself into his and Merlin's apartment.
"I'm home," he called, and immediately a pair of warm arms encircled him.
"Hey," Merlin greeted, kissing Arthur cheek, "I take it dinner didn't go well?"
Arthur sighed and shook his head, wrapping his arms around Merlin and burying his face in his neck.
Merlin made a sympathetic noise in his throat and brought up a hand to card through Arthur's hair. Arthur melted into the sensation.
"I bet I can make you feel better," Merlin murmured into Arthur's cheek. His other hand drifted down to cup Arthur's butt, kneading soft circles into the muscle.
Arthur moaned and let Merlin steer him away from the door and into the living room, then down onto the couch. Merlin kissed him as he unbuttoned Arthur's jacket and loosened his tie, sliding a leg in between Arthur's thighs. Merlin was already hard and grinding against Arthur's crotch in hard, short circles. Arthur recognized this as foreplay to rough, hard sex, the kind where Merlin would take him roughly from behind and whisper dirty things into his ear, something Arthur usually loved. But as Merlin's kisses grew deeper, Arthur found himself flagging at the thought of it.
He let his hands fall limply at his sides. Merlin took the opportunity to remove Arthur's jacket and reach his hand underneath his shirt.
"Gonna make you feel so good," Merlin groaned. Arthur stared up at the ceiling, counting the cracks and fighting the urge to cry. He feels like a whore, being touched like this, like he's been touched by a dozen other men just this week. He'd liked each and every one of those touches. He wanted more, always craved more, and that made him a whore.
"Arthur?"
Merlin had stopped grinding his hips against Arthur's and was hovering over him, concern covering his features as he took in Arthur's troubled expression.
"What's wrong?"
Arthur sighed. He knew Merlin would get angry if he told him what Uther had said, and how deeply it had affected Arthur.
"What did Uther do?" Merlin asked quietly. He reached up to gently stroke Arthur's hair away from his face, and Arthur's eyes fluttered shut to savor the sensation.
"Nothing worse than he normally does," Arthur replied. He reopened his eyes to see Merlin watching him, waiting. "He called me a worthless slut."
Merlin gasped. "You're not!"
"I know," Arthur lied, "I know."
"Arthur," Merin sighed, dipping his head to plant a light kiss to the corner of Arthur's mouth, "I know you. He hurt you, but you're too prideful to admit it."
Arthur swallowed. There was no way he could conceal the excessive moisture in his eyes. Merlin kissed him again, then leaned back and pulled Arthur with him, maneuvering until Arthur was seated in Merlin's lap.
"You're not a slut," Merlin said. He looked up into Arthur's eyes as he said it, wrapping his arms around Arthur's waist to hold him close. "You're the most amazing man I've ever met. Just because you love your job doesn't make you any less worthwhile."
"I know," Arthur said, "It's just...I do sleep with a lot of men. Who aren't you."
Merlin gave a small smile. "But I'm the only one you love," he said, "As long as that's true, I don't care one bit about the others."
He reached laced his fingers together with Arthur's, the ones that wore the rings, and lifted up their joined hands so that the rings caught the light.
"We got these for a reason," Merlin said, "These mean we love each other no matter what. You get hard for those other guys, but we come home to each other at the end of every day. If it doesn't bother you, it doesn't bother me. I love you."
Arthur's eyes were still wet, but for a different reason. Merlin started to stroke his thumb in circles over Arthur's knuckles.
Arthur leaned down and kissed him. Merlin kissed him in return, gripping Arthur's hips as Arthur held Merlin's face.
Their kisses grew heated, and Merlin began rocking his hips, moving his hands back down to cup Arthur's ass.
"Wait," Arthur said, pulling away and placing his hands on Merlin's chest.
"Mm?" Merlin hummed.
"I want," Arthur said, and stopped, because suddenly he didn't have the words for what he wanted. "I want…"
He cast his mind around. He was aroused, his cock hard against his slacks, and he wanted Merlin. But he wanted something different from their usual fuck.
"I want to go slow," He tried, "And...face to face." He looked at Merlin, waiting to see if he'd understood.
"You want to make love," Merlin stated. Arthur nodded.
"Yes," he said, "Make love to me."
Merlin smiled, and brought Arthur's hand to his mouth to kiss it.
"Let's go to bed," he said.
Arthur climbed off of Merlin's lap and stood, not letting go of Merlin's hand. He guided Merlin into the bedroom and they lay down together.
Arthur stretched out on his back as Merlin removed both of their clothes, kissing every inch of Arthur's skin as it was revealed, sucking slow bruises into Arthur's collarbone and the insides of his thighs. They kissed as Merlin opened Arthur up with his fingers, rubbing the lube as far inside of Arthur as he could reach.
"Ready?" Merlin asked, and Arthur nodded breathlessly. Merlin removed his fingers and watched Arthur's eyes as he lined himself up and pushed his way in.
It was slow, nothing like what Arthur was used to but everything he wanted in that moment. Arthur was overwhelmed by the love he saw in Merlin's eyes as their bodies moved, and had to shut his eyes and bury his face in Merlin's shoulder. He wrapped his arms and legs around Merlin's body and held on.
"I love you," Merlin whispered into the skin of Arthur's neck, and his cheek, and the hollow of his throat. "I love you so much, Arthur Pendragon."
Arthur believed him.
As Merlin continued the gentle rocking of his hips, Arthur shuddered and tightened his grip. Here was the man he cherished above anyone else, holding him, giving himself in his entirety to Arthur.
Finally Arthur climaxed, with Merlin's breath warm on his neck and Merlin's cock inside of him. Merlin followed, pushing into him one last time before stilling.
After Merlin went and got a damp towel to clean them up with, they wrapped up in each other underneath the blankets. The room was quiet and dark, the only sounds coming from their combined breathing.
Merlin's arms were secure around Arthur's waist. Arthur sighed deeply and snuggled closer.
"I love you," he whispered into the darkness. He fell asleep, safe, warm, and loved.