Return to the Mall

Ok so I am back, it's been an age but here is a new fic that is linked to my earlier work 'Day of the Holograms'. In that story I gave two endings, in this story we pick up from the one that destorys the shopping mall, or does it?

Chapter 1 - Out of crispy's

Lister pulled open the final door in a long line of storage lockers that he had been searching all morning. "Smeg" he said having found yet another empty locker.

Kryten shuffled over to him. "Still no luck sir, well I am sure we will find some crispys soon."

Lister closed the locker and leant back against it, his head slumped forwards towards the cold grey floor. "Face it Kryten, we are never going to find another, it's just one more smegging thing I'll never see, taste or curess again."

On Listers final word Rimmer walsed into the room. "Did I hear you talking about caressing again Listy, what is it this time?" Rimmer held out his hand to mimic the stopping of traffic. "No wait, let me guess, is it that vending machine on D deck again." A cheeky smile crept over Rimmers face. "It is isn't it, what not vending you anymore Listy? Its smooth milky tea not doing it for you anymore?"

Lister didn't look up he was not in the mood for another Rimmer crack. "Smeg off Rimmer, at least I can caresses stuff still."

Rimmer looked shocked and even took a step backwards as if a pressure wave had hit him. "Oh that's low, even for you Lister. You know how hard it is for me since my hardlight ran out of power, these past 7 weeks have been hell."

"Well at least Rachael your doll has had a rest." smirked Lister.

Rimmer knew full well that Lister was aware of his romantic lessons with his 9.99 dollar pounds self inflating doll with realistic nipples, well they claimed realistic but in reality they were more like a pair of rubber pencil ends glued on. In fact he was fairly certain that she had been seeing Lister behind his back, the faint waft of curry on her chest was all to telling. He had forgiven her, I mean what could he do to stop a doll with her kind of needs, but he didn't mind she was his and unlike most women he approached she didn't run away. "Actually Lister I have not seen Rachael for some months now." lied Rimmer.

Lister slouched across the floor to a nearby console chair and sat down heavily. "Whatever Rimmer but we need supplies and bad."

This at least Rimmer did agree with, for some reason the millions of tones of supplies that had been re-created by the nanobots had been disappearing, none of the ships sensors could work it out and quite frankly it was starting to scare Rimmer, not because he needed those supplies, no it was the thought of what else was needing them and so much. "OK so what are we going to do about it? If nothing is turning up here maybe we should try somewhere else on the ship?"

Kryten who had been busily closing all the opened locker doors turned around. "I am sorry to put a dampener on an otherwise fine plan Mr. Rimmer but I think that would prove fruitless."

Rimmer snorted in Krytens direction. "What would you know Kryten, been scanning the ships sensors have you?"

Kryten nodded. "Actually yes, and I have found that a worrying amount of bits and bobs have simply vanished."

At this point a near by vid screen flared into life showing a follicly challenged middle aged man, better known as Holly. "Alright dudes what's happening?"

Rimmer looked pleased. "Holly, at last, can you please explain to Lister here that the supply situation is under control."

"Sorry Arnold I can't do that, it appears we have a bit of a supply shortage. In fact I'd say we are firmly up the creek without a dog." replied Holly.

"You mean Paddle Hol." chipped in Lister.

"Yeah one of those to would be useful." nodded Holly.

Rimmer shook his head. "Holly are you 100% certain your circuits have fully dried out?"

Holly digitally constructed face looked pained. "Are you questioning my fully restored IQ?"

"Frankly Hol, since that incident with the flooding you have not been." Holly injected between Listers words. "on my game?" Lister nodded. "Yeah that's it Hol, on your game."

Holly thought for a second and then blurted out a series of numbers. "4220320045"

Lister and Rimmer exchanged confused looks.

Holly enlighten them looking smug. "It's how many baths it would take to hold all the baked beans that have ever been."

"Oh right, I'll take a mental note of that one Hol for the next time I take part in a pub quiz." said Lister.

Lister absentmindedly lit his very last cigarette and put his feet up onto the desk. "Look, something is nicking our stuff we either work out who and go kursplat them, or we get more stuff."

Rimmer looked pensive his finger resting on his lip, tapping it while he thought it over for 2 milliseconds before he spoke again. "Well looks like there is only one thing for it, we need to go shopping."

Lister slowly looked up at Rimmer, his eyes dark. "I was hoping you weren't going to say that."

Rimmer looked confused, and seeing Listers look he asked caushsly. "Err why?"

"Because the only place around here with any decent supplies is the Mega Mall we escaped from a couple of months back."

Rimmer began shacking his head. "No, no, no, no way, are you mad? That place was full of Hologram Zombies. What are you going to do, land, stroll out and say. Excuse me Mr Zombie where is the nearest supermarket please?"

Lister stood up to assert his point. "Naa we sneak in and sneak out."

Kryten who had been cleaning the now closed locker doors with green polish addressed the pair. "Mr Lister is technically right the mall is the only place with any reliable amount of supplies, however it would be reckless to attempt any return, and only a fool or hero would attempt it."

Lister smiled. "Well I am pretty good at the fool stuff so let's saddle up and go shopping!"

Rimmer thought for a second then spoke. "Hang on Listy, didn't we see that place get blown into a zillion bits?"

Holly interjected. "Arrhh you see it was very clever that bit."

Rimmer looked up at Holly. "Clever?"

"Yes, very clever." said Holly smiling.

Rimmer sighed. "Go on then Holly do enlighten us."

"Meet me in the Driver room and I'll explain." finished Holly fading of the screen.

Thanks for reading, all reviews welcome. It's good to be back and kicking bottom!