Songfic to Carrie Underwood's 'Just A Dream.' Hope you like it.
Dedicated to all of the lost lives and souls of the war in Iraq.
God bless you all and your families.
R.I.P.
Italics are flashbacks. Bold is lyrics. Regular is present.
"Marry me, baby," he said, holding out an elegant diamond ring. She gasped, hands clasped over her mouth. Tears leaked from her eyes. All she could do was nod, before she flund herself into his arms, savouring every moment she had with him, knowing that he'd be gone in a few days.
It was two weeks after the day she'd turned eighteen,
All dressed in white.
Going to the church that night.
"So I guess this is goodbye," he said, slamming the trunk closed. She nodded, not bothering to wipe the tears that were freely falling down her face. It didn't matter.
"Goodbye," she repeated quietly. She looked up into his crystal blue eyes only to see that he too had tears in his eyes. She couldn't take it anymore. She needed him. Needed to touch him, for him to hold her. She flung herself into his arms and grasped onto him tight, never wanting to let go. She felt him bury his face into her neck, and hot wet tears slipped down his face, landing on her neck. He pulled away, still grasping onto her. She gazed at his tear-stained eyes with her own, trying to regain her composure.
"No matter what happens," he whispered, his voice quivering, "I'll always love you." She choked back a sob as he ran his hand through her lush, dark curls, memorizing the feel. She inhaled his scent, trying to remember what he smelled like.
"I love you too," she whispered into his neck, letting herself go. Strangled sobs escaped her lips as she poured every emotion she had out to him, silently begging him to stay; but he couldn't. He had to leave. For the greater good of the United States. He just had to.
He pulled away and set her petite frame back onto the ground. He stepped back and adjusted his shirt. Holding his head high, he reached for a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his eyes. He leaned down, and kissed away the troubled girl's tears, but they just kept coming.
"Bye," he said. With one lastk iss on her forehead, he was gone. She was left standing on the sidewalk, tears freely falling down her face.
She had his box of letters on her passenger's seat.
Sixpence in a shoe.
Somethin' borrowed, somethin' blue.
She opened the Nike shoebox that had been hidden in her cedar chest, one month later, and dumped it's contents on the floor. She picked up a piece of rumpled notebook paper, covered with his chicken scratch. Her tears began to fall, landing in small pools on the wrinkled paper. God, she missed him.
'Ella-Bella,
I am so lost here. Everything is so different. I can't even function. Everytime I look at something, I think of you. It kills me inside being away from you for this long, and I don't know when I'll be back, and I know you're crying while reading this. But just think, when I come back, we can get married, move out of my parents' house, and start a family of our own. Just think; three little Boltons running around. Maybe more, I don't know. Just know that I love you, Ella. I love you with all of my heart and then some. I can't wait to have you back in my arms; to kiss you, to hold you. Write back soon, Ella Bella. I love you.
Love,
Troy.
She held the note to her heart, as heart-wrenching sobs erupted from her throat. somehow, she knew that he wouldn't be coming home.
And when the church doors opened up wide,
She put her veil down, trying to hide the tears.
Oh, she just couldn't believe it.
There was a man at the door. He was tall with broad shoulders and a buzz-cut. But what was most peculiar about him, was that he was wearing a US Army uniform, and his hat was off of his head, held across his chest, his head bowed.
Could it be? Was he home? The hopeful young woman bounded down the stairs and opened the white painted door. Her smile dropped as her eyes met with someones who weren't his. this man had a somber look on his face, and an envelope in his hand.
'Can I help you?' she had said. He smiled, but his eyes were still sad and sorrowful; full of pain. 'Yes,' he's replied, 'I'm looking for Gabriella Montez.' The young woman nodded in confusion, indicating that she was said woman. He handed her the envelope in his hands.
'I'm sorry for your loss.'
Then, she knew. He had begun talking, but she wasn't listening. He was gone. The love of her life was gone forever. And the worst part was, he was never coming back.
She heard the trumpets from the military band,
And the flowers, fell out of her hands.
Her black dress sparkled, her patent leather shoes shone. But her eyes were dull. Sadness and hurt had flooded her body. He was supposed to be home by now. One week ago, to be exact. The day the Army General had shown up at her doorstep was the day he was due home. She was supposed to be married now. They'd be on their honeymoon, in some remote tropical island, she'd guessed. He's planned it himself, as a surprise for her.
But that wasn't reality.
She was in the church. The same church where her wedding ceremony was to be held. But this was no wedding. Quite the opposite, frankly. she sat in the front pew of the elegant cathedral. Flowers decorated the walls, and candles were lit all around, but she never noticed them. Her eyes were focused on the mohogany casket in front of her, a flower arrangement draped over it. But that didn't hide the truth. It wasn't any less heart wrenching.
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
People were beginning to file into the church, a soft chatter ringing throughout the rafters. She felt the cushion she sat on pressurize. She looked over to see his best friend. He was a mess. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot; he looked like he hadn't slept in days. She smiled sorrowfully back at him, trying not to break down right there, before the service had even started. He smiled a little back at her, his eyes also filled with sorrow and anguish. She turned her head, facing back to the front of the church.
She had to be strong. For him. If he were here, he wouldn't want her like this. If he were here. If he were here, she wouldn't be sitting in a church, feeling all alone, her heart broken into a million pieces. If he were here, they'd probably be laughing as they drove down a private road, scouting for new houses in Albuquerque. All she wanted was for him to be alive.
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
She felt herself be lifted up from her position in the pews. Metaphorically, of course. She was being lifted up, now in the corner of the church, examining all of the people who were now scattered about the congregation. She saw his parents, sitting alone across the way from where she was sitting. His mother was cuddled up to his father, who was struggling to keep himself together.
She saw Ms. Darbus, their high school drama teacher sitting in the second row, along with Principal Matsui and many other East Hgih school teachers. They were all dressed in black, and conversing with each other about the current event.
She saw the rest of his high school basketball team. They were all wearing black pants, black shirts, with their East High Wildcats jerseys from so long ago on over their shirts, in memoriam. They had somehow gotten ahold of his old jersey, and they had framed it, and another one of his close friends was holding it in his lap.
She saw her friends; 'the gang.' They were sitting in the first row, next to her. They were dressed in black, somber looks on their faces. Some of them staring straight ahead, trying to block out the current situation. Some of the girls, a bleach blond one in particular, was leaning against an African American boy crying her eyes out. He was rubbing her back slowly, trying to comfort her.
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
The raven haired beauty floated back to reality, back to the red cushion that she now sat on, feeling very uncomfortable at the moment. She fought herself not to break down.
It couldn't be real. It just couldn't. this kind of thing only happened in movies. It couldn't be happening to her. Hadn't God seen the love they had shared? Why did he have to break that special bond? He'd never done anything wrong. He was the perfect man. Extremely kind and caring, funny, and faithful. But God had shattered his life. She shook the tohughts out of her head,
Everything happens for a reason.
The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt
The pastor made way to the front of the church. The light chatter that had circled the room vanished, leaving silence, ringing so loud, she swore she'd burst an eardrum.
'We are gathered here today,' he began, 'to mourn the loss of a precious soul taken from this world at such a young age.' she bowed her head and shut out his words. They wouldn't help. Nothing would help. Everything would always be wrong from now on, and her life would never be complete. She was missing a huge piece of the puzzle called her life, and it was now lost forever.
'Let us bow our heads and pray. Lord please lift his soul. And heal this hurt,' he said. The congregation bowed their heads, becoming silent. The only sounds were the occaisonal sniffle, or the strangled sob of an anonymous woman.
Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard
'Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch, like me,' voices rang out in the hallowed walls of the worship hall. The troubled young woman joined in, hoping that wherever he was, he'd hear them.
And then they handed her a folded up flag,
And she held on, to all she had left of him,
Oh, and what could've been.
She held the triangularly folded up material in her hands. Her cries were now apparent, as she held the old material close to her heart.
Deep down, she knew he had died with a pride in him. He'd died fighting for his country, hoping he'd leave some impact on the world, even if that small.
She was so proud of him. He'd gone away to war, like so many others had declined, feeling obligated to do his duty, even if that meant getting killed in the process.
And then the gun's rang one last shot
And it felt like a bullet in her heart
The windows of the church were wide open, and the birds were singing loudly, as if trying to cheer up the broken people who sat inside of the church hall. The open glass gave the congregation a wondrous view of the cemetery and clearing outside behind the building.
A line of men dressed in Army uniforms stood, their guns facing up. Finally, a loud, memorial bang was heard, and the entire town common fell silent, as if for a moment, everyone in the town felt the pain that radiated through the group for the past week.
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
The congregation of people now stood outside for the burial. A newly dug rectangular hole sat in front of them, the casket held over the hole, reading to be lowered in.
Each person was given a white rose. they stood in a cluster around the hole as the pastor recited a prayer.
'May God rest his soul, and may he rest in peace,' he had recited. Taking this as their cue, each person placed their rose on top of the casket. Last, but not least, his fiancee placed a red rose on top of the cluster of white roses. Symbolizing true love. Tears fell from her eyes as she said her last goodbyes.
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Suddenly, she felt dizzy. She felt her self begin to sway. She was so overwhelmed with sadness, hurt and grief, she couldn't stand it anymore. But before she hit the ground, she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her. She forgot about the situation, her mind blanking out.
She spun around. Thinking it was him.
But it wasn't.
The situation flooded back to her, and she felt herself collapse into the arms of his best friend; her big brother.
It was June seventeenth. One year. 365 days. 8765 hours. 525600 minutes. and she was still hurting.
She pulled up to the familiar parking lot, and stopped her car. She got out of the vehicle and ran over to that all too familiar spot where she'd come at least once a week for the last year. She sat down next to his grave and ran her fingers over the writing. Her eyes flooded with tears, as she sang, in a quivering voice...
Oh,
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
Oh, now I'll never know
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
She wiped her eyes with the heels of her hands and ran her fingers over the writing one more.
Troy Alexander Bolton
September 19, 1989--June 17, 2008
Beloved son, friend, and soon-to-be husband.
God rest his soul.
Oh, this is just a dream
Just a dream
Yeah, Yeah
Did you like? Personally, I thought it was really sad. I even had to stop a couple of tiems because I was getting too emotional. Tell me in a review if I made you cry!
BTW, sorry for making oyu sad. :(