Set in S6 E20.
Castiel sat on the bench in the park, his head in his hands. His words hung thickly in the air. After years of seeking revelation from his superiors he felt strange once again seeking guidance.
"Please, you have to give me a sign, Father. A sign that I am on the right path."
Only silence greeted him. He cursed God for not answering, for not loving, and he cursed himself for even trying. Stupid stupid.
"My son." A voice came from behind him. "My poor wayward son."
Castiel whirled around to see a woman looking at him with such pain in her eyes.
"Father?" Announced Castiel incredulously, shocked at the appearance God had chosen to take.
"Castiel. I have been watching you for a long time, ever since your creation. Peace be with you." Said the woman, seemingly unaware of the rapid beating of Castiel's heart. Her dark brown eyes washed over Castiel's, searching them.
"But you're a.."
"Woman? Castiel, I am Yahweh, God of all creation. I have no need for a vessel; I can appear however I want. But you think I will play to your stereotypes? Would you give me more credibility as a white man with a beard?" Admonished God, though there was kindness in her eyes. "Come, Castiel, sit with me."
They both lowered themselves onto the park bench. Children played around them oblivious to the immensely powerful beings in their midst. A silence settled over the pair as Yahweh perused the beauty in their surroundings.
"Where have you been Father? We have been waiting for you."
"You should not have. I have been in hiding. I spend my time divided between the three realms, Heaven, Earth and Hell."
"Hiding?" Inquired Castiel "Hiding from whom?" He did not understand, God was the most powerful being ever created. What possible reason would she have to hide?
"From you, Castiel. From all angels" Yahweh spoke softly as if addressing a beloved child.
Castiel, who had been avoiding God's eye out of fear and respect, met God's gaze at that moment. God looked at Castiel, seeing deeply the hurt and confusion in his soul.
"Castiel, I love all my creations. Some say I have a soft spot for humanity and that is partly true. But they are my favourite for one reason. They choose me, or they turn away."
Castiel still could not understand. Hadn't the angels given everything to get God back? "Father, angel kind is absolutely loyal to you. We would never turn away or question you. We carry out your orders to the end."
"I know, my son, I know. That is why I had to leave."
"When I created the angels, I meant for them to be warriors, but not for me. They were meant to be saviours all. Humans, angels, demons, they were all to be protected by my fine species. But there was a flaw in my creation. I made a mistake.
"I make mistakes Castiel, just as humanity does, a by-product of free-will. But mine tend to be more catastrophic. Great power has great consequences but I'm sure you of all understand that."
"Castiel, I made you drones. The angels had no free will, no choice but to follow me to their deaths. Free will is my greatest gift Castiel. I bestowed it on the humans, I gave them the choice to turn from me, to make mistakes. Should they want me, I will always be there for them but if they do not then I will not force them."
"Free will. When Adam and Eve turned from me in the Garden I showed them my wrath, as a parent should. I cast them out to show them right from wrong. I taught them about me and about themselves and then let go. I let them make their choices and suffer or enjoy the consequences. I told myself that I would not interfere. And, yes, they cursed me. They called out to me, begging for wrath or mercy or hope. I was always there, holding them." Her eyes, which had been staring at the floor snapped up to Castiel's, holding them there. "But I would not interfere Castiel. It is not my place to control my creations. I must let them go, as all parents must."
"So that is what I did with the angels. A second Eden, a second choice."
"Before I left I interfered once more. I created you. I crafted you with my own hand, delicately placing your conscious together until I had you. And as the final pieces of your grace were knitted together, I gave you a gift. I gave you the capacity to question and reason. I hoped that you would lead a revolution. I hoped that you would spark a new line of thinking in a chain reaction leading to freedom."
"Then I left. And I have been watching everything that has happened since. The angels dividing and turning on each other. Uriel attacking you, Anna killing him in response. The Apocalypse. My sons Michael and Lucifer battling unendingly. No matter how bad things got I could not, would not, interfere. All this suffering cuts me deeply. Seeing my creations turn on each other" God sighed, tears forming in her eyes. "I feel each cut, each death on my own body. I take your pain. And it will never stop."
"But, Castiel, you will be free. You and all my angels. Free to forge your own paths, to create your own heaven. The road will be painful and at times depressing. Your struggle will never stop but you will have your freedom. You must take it."
"Why are you telling me all of this, Father? What can I do?" Castiel asked, terrified by Yahweh's wisdom and plan. It all seemed too..big..for him. Too important.
"You are doing my work son, you always have. But I had to make you understand my choice. My choice not to interfere, not to lead your life for you. The path you have chosen is your own and you must follow it. "
"I love you, Castiel. You and all my creations on Earth and in Heaven. But I have to let you go. And for that reason, you have to forget this." With that, Yahweh leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Castiel's forehead.
"No, Father, wait.." pleaded Castiel but it was too late.
When Castiel blinked, he could not remember the last few minutes but he felt a strange warmth within him, a certainty that was not there before. And one phrase, spoken softly in the wind and the trees around him:
"I love you."
Wassup?
I hope you like this little story. I just feel like God wouldn't leave without a good reason and this is my theory.
(by the way, I always pictured God as a black woman, idk. I feel like the church stereotypes are very… stereotypical)
Please let me know what you think.
Anna xxx