Hello, friends! Thank you so much for checking out my story! A few things before we dive in:
- In this story, Jacob is 18.
- The timeline doesn't exactly follow with any of the books, but I guess it falls into New Moon right now. I cracked Bella out of her shell of depression a little earlier in the year, though.
- As of right now, I plan to post Chapter Two next week. Somewhere between Wednesday and Friday. I MIGHT be swayed to post it a little sooner if this gets a good response (I'M REALLY NERVOUS BUT ALSO EXCITED)
- The plan is to post one chapter a week. Fingers crossed I can stick to it.
- I'm going to do this disclaimer once and only ONCE because it's annoying: My name is not Stephenie Meyer and I do not own Twilight, though I totally wish I did.
...And that's it! Here's the first chapter of Still Breathing! I hope you enjoy! :)
Chapter One
Felicity's POV
Elijah and I stared at the table, avoiding one another's eyes. He didn't want to see the pain in mine and I didn't want to see the guilt in his—it wouldn't help anything. Wouldn't change our situation. He felt bad, but this was all his fault. I wasn't going to take in his guilt and then comfort him. He didn't deserve it. And he probably didn't want it. Not from me, anyway.
He was divorcing me.
We'd been married less than a year, and he was already calling it quits. Because "staying together will only hurt me in the long run." As if I'm not torn apart right now.
"I'm so sorry, City," he said quietly. What sucked was that he actually did sound sorry. It didn't help anything, but it was better than my dear Eli suddenly turning into a person that cared nothing for me at all. He clearly cared. Apparently it just was not enough.
My eyes remaining lowered, I asked, "Why?"
"I don't want to hurt you."
Pressing my lips together, I lifted my angry gaze to his face. I didn't meet his eyes, but I studied his features. They were drawn. He was paler than usual. "Too late, Elijah." He flinched at my use of his full name. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd called him that. "Please don't make me wonder. Just tell me what's going on. There's obviously someone else." He flinched again. My assumption was correct. "It'd be better if you told me about it now instead of leaving me to find out through someone else or—" my voice broke, and I cleared my throat before continuing. "Or bumping into you around and finding out that way. I don't want to be caught off guard like that."
"I don't want you to be caught off guard by anything either." He sighed, running his hands roughly through his hair. "This is...this isn't what I picture for us, City. We were going to make it. I knew we were. We're young, but damn it, I fucking love you."
Now I locked my gaze with his. I tried not to register the mixture of emotions churning within his, focusing instead on showing him how I felt. I couldn't explicitly vocalize all of it at the moment. He deserved to know regardless. "Not enough."
His eyes widened and he shook his head. "No. No, no, no. That's not it at all. I still love you—so much. It's not that it's not enough. It's just...different."
My eyes rolled. "You'll have to forgive me if I don't put much weight in that at the moment." He frowned but didn't argue so I prompted, "Tell me."
A breath slowly released from his lips as he nodded. "Okay. Fine. So." He paused. "This isn't going to make much sense. I can't think of any way to explain it to you that isn't extremely fucked up, so bear with me." Another hesitation. "I went down to the bakery on the rez—you know, the one Ms. Call owns?" I just stared at him. He knew damn well that I was aware of the bakery he was talking about. We'd ordered our wedding cake from there. "Right. So I was there and I was going to pick up dessert for us, because I know how upset you've been lately over what's going on with your parents, and I...I kind of ran into someone."
He paused again, and my patience wore even thinner. "Like, literally?"
"No." Elijah forced a cough. "No, like...I saw her."
Her. There it was, confirmed another time. There was someone else. The pain I'd been feeling before doubled its efforts, digging into my chest.
Elijah apparently saw this on my face because he began speaking faster now, as if that'd make this easier. "I saw her and...shit, City. I can't explain it. I love you. I love you so much, and I never imagined there could be anything more. I know you understand that because we shared that." We had—or I'd thought we did. "But the world...it changed when I saw her. And I tried to act normal, like nothing happened, but my mind isn't shifting back to the way it was before."
"So you cheated on me." It wasn't really a question at this point.
"No," he gasped. "Never. I would never do that to you. But that is why I'm breaking up with you. Because I can't stay away from her. I tried. I swear I did. We've talked, though, and I can't deny it anymore. There's no getting away from this. So we have to end our marriage, honey. I'm so sorry."
As hard as I tried to remain composed, I couldn't keep from trembling. "How long ago?"
It wasn't a full question, but he understood what I was asking. "About a week ago."
A week. One week. Seven days. That was it, and he was already throwing me away to give himself to her. We'd been together since middle school—five years now, almost six. We'd gotten married not long after I turned eighteen. He'd asked me, wooing me with sweet words and precious promises. I'd thought I could trust him. In all the time I'd known him, he'd never given me a reason for doubt.
So now I was down to two ways to interpret this—either he was an asshole all along, set on making my life a living hell...or there was something crazy going on with whoever this girl was and he was trying to do his best to let me down easy.
I almost snorted. Easy. Right. Because asking me to sit down for a serious talk and then opening the conversation with "I adore you, City, you know that, but...we need to get a divorce" really made this less difficult.
But I loved Elijah. That hadn't changed just because he found someone new. And I wanted him to be happy. So I said, "Alright."
His eyes snapped open even wider. "What?"
I shrugged. "Alright. If you need out of this marriage—if you need this other woman to be happy—then alright. I don't know anything about divorce, though. I never imagined…" I'd truly thought we'd defy the odds and make it. Yes, we were young. He was only a year older than I was. But I loved him with everything in me, and I never believed we'd get to the point where we would need to split.
Then again, we hadn't. He had.
He shook his head quickly. "No, I'll look into it. You can keep—"
"I don't want to talk about that yet," I cut him off. "And I can't keep this place. I'd never be able to afford the mortgage on my own. You know that." I still had to graduate from high school. He'd been done late last spring and jumped right into a job with his father running the modest mall in Port Angeles. They had an office in Forks where most of the work could be done but even so, PA wasn't so far that they couldn't swing by if needed. So he'd landed right into a steady, well-paying job while doing some business classes online at the community college. He'd laid it all out for me when I turned eighteen the September following his graduation. He'd explained how we would work out. How I could finish school and we could get married and he'd take care of me and we'd be together…
I'd believed him. I'd seen the stars in his eyes, how completely he adored me. And I'd returned those feelings tenfold.
So I said yes. We were married by Halloween. And now, apparently, we were going to be broken up by Valentine's Day.
"We'll figure something out," he said, dragging his hands through his hair. "I promised to take care of you. I'm not just going to leave you on the streets, City."
My eyes narrowed. "I do have somewhere to go, you know."
"You're not going back with your parents," he replied immediately, his eyes narrowing back at me. "No way am I letting you return to that shit hole."
My anger flared. How dare he? "You really think you have a say in what happens in my life now? You're divorcing me, Eli. You're the one that doesn't care." Suddenly hit with the weight of the situation, I leaned back in my chair, out of breath. I closed my eyes against the tears threatening to fall. Once I started, they weren't going to stop for a while and I would not give Elijah the chance to see how terribly he'd hurt me. He probably had an idea, but I wasn't going to make the evidence so forthcoming.
"City…" he whispered, his voice raw. As if he was in pain, too. Jerk. "I care. I do. And I always will. I'm not dumping you to figure everything out alone. We'll figure something out so you're taken care of, okay? You'll be alright."
He was trying to soothe me, but there wasn't much he could do to make me feel less like crap right then. So I shook my head. "Just leave, Eli. Please." My voice cracked and the first of what was surely going to be a slew of sobs escaped.
"City…"
"Go!" I screeched, glaring up at him with a watery gaze. My vision of him was blurry, but I could make out his torn expression. To help him make the decision a little easier, I pointed furiously at the door. He had somewhere else to be—he could go to her. I only had here. So he had to be the one to go.
Though Elijah was breaking my heart, he wasn't an idiot. He knew how few choices I had at the moment. So he nodded. Right before he slipped out the door, he whispered brokenly, "I'm so sorry, Felicity. So sorry."
He'd been saying those words throughout the entire conversation but that time, they finally broke me. I curled up in a ball, arms around my legs and forehead to my knees, sobbing. It felt like everything was falling apart—my relationship, my life, and...me. I could do nothing but stay where I was, crying my heart out until I finally found a weak sort of solace in sleep.
Jacob's POV
Leah had found a new way to torture us all—she'd imprinted. On a married man. If he could even be considered a man at the age of nineteen. Who got married at nineteen anyway? From what Leah ranted about nonstop, his wife was only eighteen and still in high school. Wouldn't it have been smarter to wait until they'd both been graduated, at the very least? It was weird. And annoying. If only they'd waited, then Leah wouldn't have nearly as much to whine about in the pack mind.
And whine she did. Constantly. It didn't even make sense because apparently the dude was divorcing the girl he married. Leah should have been happy. He cared about Leah enough to do that. But no, Leah instead focused on the fact that there was another girl her imprint cared about at all. Well, Leah never really referred to her as a girl. She was usually that bitch or some variation of that. They were all kind of amusing because Leah hadn't met the girl. Hadn't even seen her from a distance. And yet she had all kinds of insults to spew.
Her imprint had gone into Embry's mom's bakery a little over a week ago and bumped into Leah on his way out. They'd met eyes and—wham, bam, imprint. Leah missed her patrol that day, instead spending the time talking to him. Just talking. Because he was married. And that was all they'd done so far—talked. Because he was married. Leah had been obsessing over that fact.
Leah, Paul groaned when he and I were stuck running a night shift with her because Sam had upped everyone's schedules after that leech with the dreads showed up in that meadow. Shut the fuck up. Your life isn't nearly as hard as you're making it out to be. You have an imprint. He's yours. Now stop thinking so loud about it.
Leah growled. No he's not, she said stubbornly. He's hers. He's married! First Sam leaves me for Emily and now my own imprint is all over some other bitch.
Paul and I rolled our eyes in unison. For once, we had something we agreed about. You can't find any sympathy for the girl? I asked. He's leaving her for you.
No, Paul said, he's already left her for you, Leah. You're just being a bitch.
I am not the bitch here! He's MINE!
Whatever you say, I sighed. Just tone it down. We don't need to listen to your whining for the next couple of hours.
Leah was quiet for a moment before attempting to compromise. I'll tone it down if you guys let me run by Sam's house. AKA, the place where her imprint was staying because he refused to stay with Leah until he and his wife were officially divorced. Stupid as it was to get married so young, I had to give the guy credit for how respectful he was trying to be with the girl he married. JACOB! Leah screeched, making both Paul and me wince.
Leah, stop it. Patrolling around Sam's house is pointless. He's there and can keep an ear out. Stick to the perimeter. I used the most authoritative mental voice I could, just short of an order, and it seemed to work. Thank fuck.
She still kept up a steady stream of hate toward What's-her-name, but it was much quieter now so Paul and I counted our lucky stars she'd even toned it down at all and said nothing. Finally we were relieved somewhere between three and four in the morning by Sam.
No trouble? he asked.
None of the bloodsucker variety, Paul grumbled.
Leah, Sam sighed. Elijah is fine. He's sleeping at mine and Emily's place. He told his wife about the divorce today.
Why this discussion had to happen now in the pack mind before Sam had dismissed Paul and me, I could not fathom. All I wanted to do was run over and check up on Bella before going home and sleeping for as long as I could.
Finally! Leah practically cheered, though her tone was more sarcastic than happy. Took him long enough.
Maybe now that he has, you can lighten up on the guys when you're patrolling? Sam prompted.
Leah gave a mental roll of her eyes. You're all such hypocrites. You know if you were in a situation like mine, you'd be throwing a fucking fit. I don't get why you give me such a hard time.
Sam sighed, deciding this was a lost cause. Hopefully she'd get more reasonable as time passed. Whatever. You three are dismissed. Jared will be joining me soon. I can run the route myself until then.
None of us wasted any time, phasing right where we were. Leah was probably going to snoop around Sam's house to make sure her imprint wasn't doing something she didn't approve of. Because she was a bitch like that. Paul was definitely just as ecstatic as I was to get out of Leah's thoughts—and probably just as desperate to go pass out somewhere. But I couldn't do that yet.
I slid my shorts up my legs, then took off in a steady jog toward Forks. When I made it to the Swan residence, I was surprised to see that Bella's light was on. Did she fall asleep with it that way? Too curious to let it slide, I swung myself up into the tree facing her window and glanced in.
She was awake. Why? It was so late. Was she okay?
Impulsively, I threw a twig at her window. It made the barest sound and she didn't even glance in my direction. I snapped off a sturdier branch this time, wishing I'd thought to gather some pebbles for this. Tossing the piece of wood at her window, I crossed my fingers I hadn't thrown it too hard.
It hit with a solid thud, and Bella's wide eyes rose to mine. Success.
She stared at me in shock for a few seconds before rushing to her window. Sliding it open, she hissed at me, "Jacob? What are you doing out there? You're going to freeze to death!"
Ha. The idea of feeling cold from the weather at all was funny. I held back a snort, choosing to use her worry to my advantage instead. "I need to talk to you. Let me in?"
Her eyes widened even further somehow, after already being big as saucers. "My dad is sleeping!"
Now I couldn't hold back a light chuckle. "Yeah, I know." I heard him snoring it up down the hall. "Move over."
She looked confused but did as I asked. The jump through her window was honestly easier than it should have been. Convenient for me, yeah, but if it was no problem for me, then it's be smooth as pie to hop on in for a vamp too. That was not good. Not good at all.
I had to be able to let her know that she needed to be more on guard. "Bella, I need you to think hard, okay? And figure something out for me."
Blinking in confusion, she asked, "What do you mean?"
Searching my brain, I tried to think of a way to say this that wouldn't have me choking on my words. As I thought, I realized how badly I needed her to get this. How I needed her to know what was going on with me. I needed her friendship back. "I told you legends, remember? On First Beach?"
She blew out a breath. "Yeah, I remember."
"What were they about?" I asked her.
She paled. "Um…"
Great. She was trying to protect her precious Cullens. "Just answer the question!" I snapped. "I'm the one who told you the legends. There's nothing you can say that I haven't already figured out." I leveled my eyes with hers, trying to imply my meaning.
After a moment, I think she got it. Her voice was a whisper now as she said, "Cold Ones."
I nodded encouragingly. "Good, good. What else?"
Her eyes narrowed. "Um…"
"Come on, Bella, you know this."
She bit her lip. "I'm blanking. Can't you just tell me? What does this have to do with anything? And don't think I'm forgetting the fact that you've been ignoring me!"
Of course she would only remember the one part of the legend. Of. Fucking. Course. "It's important!" I nearly shouted, then lowered my voice as I continued so as not to wake Charlie. "The answer to the other half of the legend is what's been going on with me. I—" I wanted to say more, but apparently I'd reached my limit. I couldn't even be angry. I'd gotten farther than I thought I would.
"Jacob?" Bella asked, worried. "Are you okay?"
Clearing my throat, I nodded. "I'm fine. Just think on it, alright? Everything will be better once you know, but you have to figure it out." A knot was making its way back up my throat and I knew if I kept talking, I'd be choking again. "I have to go now." Tugging her close to me, I held her for a brief hug. Her small body was comforting...but for some reason, having her in my arms wasn't as satisfying as it used to be. Odd. Maybe it was because of the time spent apart?
Shaking off the thought for now, I pulled back and repeated, "Think on it. Come find me when you figure it out."
And just like that, I was jumping out the window, Bella's worried voice calling for me as I sprinted into the woods. That interaction could not have gone better, and I felt great. The only thing that could make me happier right now was sleep—which I fully planned to go do.
Dad was still in bed when I made it to the house, so I did my best to make as little noise as possible as I flopped face-first onto my bed. I was almost too excited over the conversation with Bella to sleep, but after a few minutes I was dozing. It was only as I was just drifting off that it occurred to me that maybe being with Bella wasn't the right thing. I didn't know why—from what I could tell, she was all-around awesome—but it was a vague, nagging feeling in my gut.
But then unconsciousness took over and the feeling was gone.
Thank you for reading! What did you think? Let me know in a review? I'd appreciate it so much! :)