A/N: This is a very random story inspired by a chat session between a friend of mine and myself. We were discussing about how his story and mine will differ in the essence, as in his will be more towards cracks and random events happening while mine will always stay on the drama side, with sad attempts to squeeze my own tear glands dry. Enjoy!
A/N: Romano loves his tomato since it's evident enough to be made into a song. Buono tomato~ Buono tomato~ Buono Buono Ooo tomato~
HETALIA: ENGLAND'S LESSON IN LITERATURE
England: In a drama storyline, there are certain criterias that must be attained. I, of course, speak with no proper qualification whatsoever as I have not graduated from any universities, anywhere, at any time. Therefore, it would be my pleasure to seek forgiveness from those who do know what criterias make up a good drama story and are extremely displeased with whatever it is that I am about to go on about.
America: *chompmunchchompchompmunchmunch*
England: America, if you please. We're in the middle of class.
America: I'm *chomp* not *munch* stopping *chompchomp* you, England *slurrrrrrps*
Veneciano (North Italia): Ahhhh… I'm hungry… *looks at America's hamburgers* England, England~ Will there be pasta~? *grins widely*
Excuse me…. ……. Know……. …… …… drama….. ……. ……Meeting….
England: I'm afraid not, Italia. Now, if we'll procee-
China: Aiya… Hurry it up, we shouldn't waste time. I have better things to do –aru.
England got shocked. He felt intimidated by the China-man.
England: R-Right… We shall continue. In an epic drama story, we must have…
Romano (South Italia): Speak louder or eat chalks, pudding lover *disgusted look*
England got shocked again. His face appears even more intimidated.
Veneciano: You shouldn't speak like that, Romano.
Romano: I'll speak how I want to, it's his fault stuttering out front like that. I want my tomato.
Romano fished out a tomato from his right pocket and his face changed into a look of bliss.
Veneciano: Muuuu… Romano always loses himself with the tomato… Doitsu, doitsu, can we have pasta back home?
Germany: Ah, you're the one cooking.
Japan: Actually, I am the one who's supposed to be cooking today, Doitsu-san.
Ah……. ….. I…. …. ….. we all…. …. …… ………….. literature…………. Strategy………… meet-
Veneciano: Pasta okay~~? *grins widely*
Japan got shocked. He doesn't know the ways of cooking pasta.
Japan: I… am sorry to inform you that I'm not familiar with the ways of cooking pasta, Italia-san.
Veneciano: Hngggggggggg…..
America: *CHOMPMUNCHCHOMPSLURRRRRRP* OI ENGLAND!! You're still not halfway through? You're very incompetent you know, I'll take over once I'm done. *MUNCHMUNCHSLURRRRPCHOMPS* YUM~
England got shocked a third time. A pained look on his face, lines creased and layers of his eyebrows of doom increased even more as he tried to prevent his sweat from oozing out too much.
England: You hamburger-chomping fool, I can teach this much better than you. The.. The essence of a.. of an epic drama story is…
Veneciano: Romano, Romano~~ Play with me~~~ Why are you concentrating only on the tomato….
Veneciano shook Romano with such force that the tomato Romano was holding slipped out of his hands. Romano's expression stoned and turned white, his jaw dropped open as he gazed at his beloved tomato rolling down his pants to its doom that is the flat surface of the marble floor.
Excuse me………. But……………
(You see, Italian tomatos, especially those from South Italy, are known to be of the ultimate quality, from its flawlessly smooth skin to its rich fertile body that is able to withstand any impact other than a human's bite)
Romano's tears started welling up as he bemoans the seemingly apparent death of his little red friend he loved so much.
Every-….. ………. …….. shou…ld………….. mee………..t-…..
Now when this occurred, it finally brought everyone's attention to the somewhat middle of the meeting room, where the two that makes up Italia sat. England saw chance.
England: ROMANCE AND SADNESS!!! IN A DRAMA, THERE MUST BE THE ROMANCE AND THE SADNESS!! That's it!! *breathes*
America choked.
France: Oh, the woes of a man's romance. No one could understand, si? England? *turned to England with a rose in his teeth*
England turned cold at the reminder of France's proposal and his attempt at getting him naked.
England: You.. you have no say in this!
France: You're me~an, England… *dejected look* We're supposed to be ma-
England: I'M NOT HEARING ANYTHING!!!!! *shakes head vigorously, eyes wide and white with shock*
China: Aiyaya… All this is no use to me.
Japan: I see.. romance… *takes notes* sadness… *takes notes*
Germany: *looks at Japan and thinks* Why is he taking notes..? Should I be taking too..? No.. I think not, it's not going to be used in my strategies.
England: Settle down everyone, settle down! *crunch*
Crunch?
Russia: Ah… England's foot is bleeding.
They focused on England's foot, oozing out red liquid on the marble floor. And under it… the last remnants of what was Romano's tomato.
England and Romano both stoned.
In fact, the whole room went silent, except for a particular person's chomp-chomping and …….. a disturbingly low whisper.
We………………….. start-………ed……………….to-ma……….red………….
England: We have… drama…. Hi-Hi…Hiiii….. *slowly looked towards Romano*
(Japan: Drama... *notes*)
Romano: Why… you… what have you done to Sophie!? *gets off seat and lunges himself towards England*
(England: Sophie!?)
Veneciano: Romano, no!!
And so Romano attempted a blow on England but was blocked by the teacher's cane England was carrying around.
England: We… have... CONFLICT!! *attempts to make a direct hit on Romano, brandishing the cane like a rapier* And a must-have CLIMAX~!! *dives for the blow*
(Japan: Conflict.... Climax....)
Veneciano: Patapatapata *waves white flag beside Romano* Don't attack me~ Don't attack us~~ Patapatapata patapatapata *frantic waving*
Romano: Veneciano! Move away!! AH! *hit by the blow*
England: Got you. Every good story must also have a good ending.
Can……… nob-………….. hear…….. me…..?
Japan: Pity Romano… *takes the last of his notes in solemnity*
Germany: Was that some sort of a fight…? *sweatdrops*
China: *snores*
Russia: Waa…. This meeting is one of the interesting ones this year…. *emanating dark aura*
France: Russia, are you okay?
And he regretted asking the question as Russia turned his face towards him.
Canada: I suppose no one can hear me say anything… I've been trying to say how we should really get on with the proper meeting… Can anyone hear me?? HELLO!? *sniffs*
England: Where's that sound coming from…?
England looks around in his victory stance, foot still on Romano's immobilized body, Veneciano moaning beside it.
Veneciano: England you're so mean…. I was going to make pasta with his tomato….
America: Ah~ that was very mean yo, England. Definitely not how a gentleman should act. Now let the Hero save the day~
America steps to the position beside England, and made his usual victory post but this time.. England replied him with a cold stare…
England: Gentleman……? You're saying……. This is not how a gentleman should act……….? This is not mean…… This….. is…..
Russia: Ah… England's got a strange aura behind him…
China: Ah! I can see it too, aru!! Creepy –aru…
England: HETALIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He punched America on the face.
England: That's for betraying me and all the times I haven't got the guts to say to you. I loved you like my own son!! How could you!! Now repeat what you've learned, like a good boy!!
America: *sighs* Right.... so… In a drama… we have romance, sadness, drama, conflict, climax and ending… This is Hetalia, and I am Hero.
(England: He-HERO!?)
Canada: See…. See you next episode….
Japan: There'll still be a next episode?
Veneciano: Next episode….? Uwa~~ Will we still have a next episode….?
Romano: Oi Veneciano… get off me…