Darker – Chapter 1
Universal Pictures owns all rights of Fifty Shades of Grey and Pitch Perfect…I only own the idea of this twisted mash-up of an alternate universe love story.
Warning! Chapters may include graphic sexual situations (BDSM) which may not be suitable for everyone. Reviews and comments are always welcome. Thank you for reading.
"FIVE!" I hissed as the leather belt ripped against my rear leaving red welts in its wake. "SIX!" I whispered in defeat as the final blow stung my inflamed skin. With my spirit broken I was slumped over the brown leather covered bench, then pulled into Jesse's embrace as he brought us to the ground and cradled me in his arms. Pouring as much emotion as he could muster into desperate kisses to my forehead, he held me tight as I laid there motionless, staring straight ahead, not daring to meet his gaze.
The Red Room of Pain had been a place of pleasure for Jesse and I however this time it was an environment of torture as I endured six painful lashes for committing the unspeakable crime...rolling my eyes.
"Baby...look at me." He urged as he gently lifted my chin. With reluctance I looked up and was overcome with horror at the sight before me. I silently screamed and tried to push him away with the little strength I had left, but he was too strong as his grip on me tightened even more. Instead of seeing Jesse's warm brown eyes they glowed blood red and I knew at that point I had become seduced by darkness.
This was the recurring night terror I'd been having since that dreadful day in Jesse's playroom where I consented to the punishment and walked out on my beloved billionaire boyfriend. Waking up each morning with twisted bed sheets, drenched with my perspiration as I started each day the same as it ended...in tears.
Alone with my thoughts for the last three days I didn't have the willpower to leave the solace of my bedroom, not bothering to eat or bathe since the break-up. I just didn't care anymore.
Not answering his text messages or phone calls I knew it wouldn't be long before the control freak would be checking up on me. Hadn't he done enough?
I no longer belonged to Jesse so why should I give him the courtesy of responding to him or anyone else for that matter. My heart ached as I began to revert to a time before the interview, losing myself in my mixes just like long ago when my parents divorced. As I continued to mourn the loss of my first real relationship and the only man I ever loved, I didn't know how to pull myself out of the abyss I dug for myself; I was trapped in my own personal hell with no end in sight.
KNOCK...KNOCK...KNOCK!
What the hell? There was someone at my door. I was in no mood for any company, perhaps if I ignored whoever it was, they would just leave.
KNOCK...KNOCK...KNOCK!
Damn it! Go away! I cursed inwardly as the knocking continued. Whoever it was, they were insistent and not going away anytime soon.
KNOCK...KNOCK...KNOCK!
"Beca...I know you're in there! C'mon...open up." A female voice yelled from outside my front door as she resumed her pounding.
Resigned to the fact that she wasn't going away anytime soon I slowly dragged myself out of bed.
"I'm coming! Jeez! Hold your fucking horses." I hollered out plucking a pair of sweats from the growing pile of laundry I had no motivation to wash. "Just a damn minute!"
Barefoot and only wearing grey sweat bottoms and a white tank top, I made the long journey to the front door and looked through the peep hole to confirm who my uninvited guest was. Taking a deep breath I unlocked the deadbolt and slowly pried the door open.
"What're you doing here?"
"It's nice to see you too Beca. Aren't you going to invite me in?"
Without saying a word I opened the door wider and walked away as one of my closest friends from Barden followed me inside and closed the door behind her.
"What do you want Stacie?" I asked, raking my fingers through my unkempt hair. "Why are you here?"
"I heard what happened." She said while making herself comfortable on the couch.
"Heard what?" I asked, playing dumb.
"You and Jesse."
"What about...us?" I seethed, not wanting to talk about it.
Staring at me with a look of concern, my friend divulged what she had already been told. "Beca...I know about the break-up."
"Wow...bad news travels fast." My words dripped of sarcasm. "Who blabbed?"
Stacie smiled. "An old friend I owed a big favor to." She said removing her sunglasses and placing them on the coffee table before her. "Come over here and sit down." She insisted and patted the seat next to her.
As she motioned for me to sit, it finally dawned on me who it was. Smirking at my fellow Bella I sat down on the couch. "Benji" I guessed. It was more of a statement as she nodded to confirm my suspicion. Damn him for caring.
"I hope you don't mind but he came to me because you weren't responding to anyone. That nerd really has a soft spot for you." She paused to gauge my reaction. "What the hell happened with you guys?"
Sighing heavily I defensively crossed my arms over my chest and clenched my jaw. "I really don't want to talk about it."
"Beca...I'm your friend, you can trust me."
Having shed enough tears for that asshole I didn't want to dredge up the past and looked away. However out of all the people I knew, Stacie would understand me best having partaken in the BDSM lifestyle herself. What seemed like such a long time ago she had confided in me about the attack she endured by the fraternity and was rescued by Jesse and Benji who ended up testifying on her behalf. If I had to guess, this was payback time; the favor she owed them both.
"I can't do this..." My voice trailed off as I wiped a stray tear and tried to stand but was pulled back down. "Look! I appreciate you coming all the way out here but I would prefer to be alone."
"From what I've heard and see, you've been alone long enough." She empathized. "Does Chloe know what happened? Have you spoken with your mom? Have you spoken with anyone?" Stacie continued to ask as I slowly shook my head and refused to make eye contact with her. "I know you're hurting...I can see it all over your face. I'm here for you, Beca...please talk to me."
She was right, the isolation I created wasn't the healthiest but it's what I wanted. Chloe was still on her family vacation with Tom and my mom was busy playing caretaker to her recovering husband who was finally discharged after his bypass surgery. My dad and I got along these days however he always seemed weirded out about the idea of me dating, plus with the summer session beginning at Barden he really didn't have the time for me. Speaking of college, since graduation the Bellas had literally scattered across the country and moved on with their lives. I missed those weirdos however we would all be reunited soon enough in Copenhagen for our last hoorah; competing for world dominance. With the way I felt these days I wasn't even sure I wanted that anymore.
I hadn't spoken to anybody because everyone seemed to have more important things going on in their lives than worry about me and my pathetic love life. Feeling so alone, I stared down at my hands that rested on my lap and finally confessed to the friend who traveled so far to be with me.
"Okay...fine. You wanna know what happened?" I paused to take a deep breath. "I fell in love with the asshole."
"You told him?"
With my eyes flooding I slowly nodded. "He's fifty shades of fucked up and incapable of loving me back."
"I've seen you two together and don't believe that, but is that the only reason?" Stacie's question caught me off guard as my eyes slowly closed causing my tears to run down my cheeks. "I know you Beca and there's something you're not saying." She paused. "Is there more?" After a beat I opened my eyes, wiped the moisture from my face and finally answered her.
"Yes." I whispered. "I can no longer give him what he needs. That's why I left him." With more tears threatening Stacie placed her hand over mine and gave it a squeeze.
For the next couple of hours Stacie used her counseling skills she learned in college and bulldozed through my walls. I ended up confiding in her about the wonderful things that transpired in Sedona to the punishment I consented to seventy-two hours ago. I felt a sense of relief discussing this with someone who shared similar experiences because I knew I wouldn't be judged. I never considered it a violation of the NDA since Stacie had previously guessed the nature of our relationship. Perhaps what helped me most was how she validated my emotional state in confirming that Jesse gave mixed signals and was too damn stubborn to admit his true feelings for me.
With some persuasion I cleaned up and agreed to accompany her to a restaurant bar since I practically had no food in my home. With my hair freshly washed and blown dry I left it down, applied my trademark dark eyeliner and started to look and feel more like myself again.
Dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans, burgundy tank top and black leather boots, I grabbed my favorite leather jacket and we were out the door. Having not seen daylight in three days I squinted at the sun as we clambered into her midsize rental car. Looking in the back seat I saw a second piece of luggage covered in Hello Kitty stickers then realized her daughter had also made the trip.
"Where's Hope?"
"She's with Benji's family." Stacie answered with a smile while pulling into traffic. "We're staying with them until the end of the week."
I smirked at my friend and shook my head. "I still can't believe you came out here." Stopping at a red light Stacie turned towards me. With her sunglasses in place I could still see moisture in her eyes.
"When I heard what happened I knew I had to come." She said dabbing the corner of her eye. "You not only led the Bellas to countless victories, your friendship is what got me through college and helped turn my Barden experience into a positive one. Because of you I've got a career and the means to support my daughter. You may not realize it but you've always been there for me and now it's time to return the favor."
"Whoa!" Not realizing the impact I had on her life I could have been knocked over with a feather. "I don't know what to say."
"Say you'll let me help you."
"You already have." I replied, running my fingers through my hair as we joined the sea of traffic on this Wednesday evening.
We arrived at the restaurant and were seated at a small table away from the bar. We ordered beer and salads which were brought out within a few minutes. Having not eaten an actual meal since leaving Sedona I picked at my food and pushed the leaves around the plate so it looked like I had eaten. Out of curiosity I decided to question Stacie about the lifestyle we both knew so much about.
"How do you do it?"
"Do what?" She countered with her own question taking a bite of her dinner.
"You know..." I brought my chair closer to speak softly, not wanting our voices to carry. "Be a sub and not get emotionally involved."
Stacie smiled, put her fork down and dabbed her lips with her cloth napkin. Placing her napkin back on her lap she locked eyes with me. "I love sex and can turn it on and off at any given time. The physical attention is what I crave, not the emotional attachment."
Shaking my head in disbelief I couldn't fathom having sex without being emotionally invested. "You never once had feelings for any of your dommes...not even a little?" I asked.
"Nope." She said proudly emphasizing the 'P'. "That's the difference between us, Beca. You don't have a submissive bone in your body. If anything you're the exact opposite. I'm surprised Jesse didn't pick up on that."
"Oh...he did." I admitted. "Apparently I could go either way which impressed him."
Stacie smiled at my response. "Speaking of the asshole, if he didn't want a girlfriend he should have never dated you and restricted your time together to his love dungeon."
For the first time in days I laughed. "Love dungeon? Is that what you called it?" She nodded with a shy smile. "I referred to Jesse's playroom as the Red Room of Pain."
"Nice." She chuckled. "We should compare notes someday."
Thinking back to the last time in the playroom my smile faded as I kept playing back the unpleasant events in my mind. Being forced to count after each strike while holding back my emotions, not wanting to give Jesse the satisfaction of seeing me break down. Closing my eyes for a moment I fought back tears as Stacie placed her hand over mine.
"It's okay." She said softly trying to ease my distress. "I don't think beer is going to be enough tonight. I'm going to get us something stronger. Be right back."
Giving her a slight nod I looked around the establishment and took a swig of my second beer then directed my attention to my cell phone as I deleted all the text messages and voicemails I received over the last few days, not wanting to confront anything or anyone just yet.
It was close to six and happy hour was in full swing with patrons surrounding the bar, laughing and drinking the stressors of their work day away. Watching my friend effortlessly ease her way between two impeccably dressed men she spoke with the bartender who looked over at me and smiled. That was odd. I thought to myself as I returned my attention to my iPhone. Looking up again the men cleared a seat for Stacie which confused me further until I felt a light tap on my shoulder and heard the voice I thought I'd never hear again.
"Beca...may I please join you?"
Letting all the air out of my lungs I tensed up as Jesse slid into the seat opposite of me. Dressed in his usual Italian dark suit, his tie was loosened with the top button of his white dress shirt undone. He had a five o'clock shadow and looked tired; not appearing as his normal confident self. Feeling a surge of panic I instinctively stood up to leave but my arm was captured as I was pulled down to my seat.
"Please don't go." He pleaded. "I just want to talk."
Looking around for the closest cocktail waitress I raised my hand to get her attention. Walking her way over she stopped at our table.
"I'll have four double shots of Hennessy." I ordered without hesitation.
"Beca...what're you doing?"
"If you think I'm doing this sober...you're nuts."
Running his hand through his hair Jesse let out a sigh and ordered a beer for himself.
"I've missed you." He said matter-of-factly. "And I want you back."
"Ha!" I squawked, not quite believing what I just heard. If my eyes could have widened any further my eyeballs would have popped out of their sockets. After all that pompous ass put me through, he wanted me back? Looking over at Stacie she mouthed 'I'm sorry' as I chugged the rest of my beer and gave her a murderous stare. She would be getting an earful from me later...that little traitor!
"So how have you been?" Jesse asked as though nothing had ever happened as he accepted our drinks from the cocktail waitress and handed her his credit card. "You've lost weight since I saw you last. Are you eating?"
"Seriously?" Was all I could say as my voice carried. "You've got a lot of fucking nerve, dude."
"I know that and I'm sorry for hurting you." He said scooting his chair closer. "These last few days have been hell for me and by the looks of you-"
"-What do you want Jesse?" My abruptness caught him off guard as I tossed back my first double shot. "Why are you even here?" I asked, my face twisting in disgust as I choked down the lethal liquid, burning its way into my system.
Letting out a sigh Jesse took a sip of his beer. "I just needed to see you. I wanted to be sure you were okay."
Rolling my eyes I watched him narrow his which brought a small smile to me knowing Jesse couldn't do a damn thing about it.
Placing my cloth napkin on the table I smirked and looked into his eyes. "Do you really want to know how I've been?"
"Yes, I want the truth."
Taking a deep breath I clasped my fingers in front of me on the table and unloaded on him. "Well...let's see. I cry all the time and I've barely slept in three days. I have no appetite, no energy and have recurring night terrors thanks to you. Besides all of that, things couldn't be better." With my words dripping of sarcasm all Jesse could do was listen to my rant. "So how have you been, Sir? Have you and Mrs. Robinson lined up number seventeen yet?"
Sighing deeply Jesse appeared as though the wind had been knocked out of him.
"No Beca." With his eyes cast downward, he spoke softly. "There won't be a number seventeen."
"Oh...why not? You're so good at hurting women. Why stop now." Tossing down another drink I gasped at its strong flavor, then continued to goad him on. With liquid courage flowing through my veins I was becoming more bold. "Now that you've taught me all I need to know about sex I might just check out those underground clubs you mentioned and find me a new master."
"STOP IT!" He whisper shouted. "You will do no such thing! You're better than that!"
"Yeah? I used to think so." I said softly. "It just doesn't matter to me anymore."
"Beca...please don't talk that way. I can't stand hearing you so down on yourself."
"If you didn't want to hear the truth, you shouldn't have asked." I retorted.
"I know I hurt you and I'm truly sorry. I'm trying to make things right between us."
"There is no more us...we broke up."
"I know that and I regret letting you leave that day." He admitted, reaching for my hand. "I want you back."
"Jesse, we've already discussed this, I can't fulfill your needs and you can't fulfill mine." I replied, retracting my hand. Looking around the room to make sure nobody was listening I leaned in closer to whisper. "I can't be your submissive...not anymore."
"I don't want you as my sub. I want you like this...I want more from you."
"No. You're too fucked up, it'll never work between us. Your needs will always be a roadblock in our relationship."
"Beca...those needs have changed since you face planted in my office. Even today you continue to shock the hell out of me. I've never known anyone like you. From the beginning you were different than any other woman I had ever met."
"That's because I was your only virgin." I deadpanned.
He smirked. "Yes you were. I remember that night like it was yesterday. With no prior experience you gave yourself to me. I was in complete awe of you for your courage. It was also my first time having vanilla sex and letting someone sleep in my bed."
"I remember." My voice softened. "Your passion is what made me fall in love with you."
Jesse sighed deeply. "You're everything I want in a woman and need in a partner, there's nobody else for me. I want an equal who will challenge me and roll their eyes whenever I fuck up."
"What do you want from me?" Sounding more whiny than I had intended, I was becoming tipsy as I tossed back drink number three.
"I'm trying to tell you that I want you back anyway I can get you."
"Why?" I asked, making him more flustered. "I'm nothing special. Look at me! I defy you all the time, I'm average looking and I can't hold my liquor." I paused to hiccup. "With your wealth and success you can have anybody you want."
Reaching over to stroke my cheek, Jesse's eyes captured mine. "You couldn't be more wrong. You're beautiful and intelligent with the quickest wit and smartest mouth I've ever heard. You give me hope when I'd given up and you make me see things differently. When we're together I envision a possible future I would have never considered. You make me feel things I've never felt before and make me want to be a better person." Pausing to exhale, he continued. "I want you in my life, Beca and I'll do whatever it takes to make you trust me again."
If that wasn't a declaration of love I don't know what is. Looking down at my wilted uneaten salad the tear works started up. "I can't do this again."
"Baby...please look at me." Lifting my chin our eyes met, and for the first time I saw genuine fear in him as he wiped my tears away with the pads of his thumbs. "Do you still love me?"
As much as I tried I couldn't deny my feelings for Jesse as the beat of my heart deafened me. After several minutes I looked into his hopeful eyes and answered him.
"Yes." I whispered.
"Thank God." He breathed, taking my hand in his. "I have a new proposition for you."
Wait! What? Not another contract...
Choking down my fourth double in less than an hour the liquid courage burned on its way down and warmed my belly. With the room starting to spin I was becoming more inebriated and felt my sense of self slipping away. Jesse must have noticed my deteriorating condition as he called over the waitress for a couple glasses of water.
"Drink this and then I'll take you home." He said softly.
"But Stacie…" I slurred, looking around for her. "She drove-."
"-Benji will take care of her." He responded coolly.
"He's here? Where?" Spinning around to look for him I nearly fell out of my chair but was held in place by Jesse. "I like Benji...he's a nice man. Much nicer than you." I scoffed, earning a frown from yours truly.
Ignoring more of my jabbing insults, Jesse settled the bar tab and brought me to my feet. Having two beers and four double shots of cognac flowing through my bloodstream, my empty stomach made matters worse as I quickly became fucked up beyond all recognition. Heating up in more ways than one I peeled off my leather jacket and tossed it carelessly to the ground leaving me in a snug and very low cut tank top which left very little to the imagination. As more time went by my judgement became more impaired as I became overly friendly with everyone and brought more attention to us. Rolling his eyes at me Jesse knew things were about to go downhill...fast.
"I wanna dance." With my slurred speech I wandered over to the dance floor and started moving provocatively to the beat, flipping my hair and dancing with who ever turned in my general direction. Being spun around I almost lost my footing and was inches from Jesse's face whose lips drew a hard line as I purposely bit mine to elicit a reaction. Like most women I wasn't immune to Jesse's appeal, and with his close vicinity to me the juices stirred down below as I craved his mouth and hands on me, doing all the wonderful things we'd done during happier times.
With the crowds increasing around us we were pushed together which allowed me to easily snake my arms around his neck. "You're so fucking hot!" I whispered into his ear, nibbling on his lobe. "God I'm horny." I purred, pulling him even closer to grind my body against his, biting and licking along his neck, making him suck in his breath.
"Beca...stop!" Mr. Grumpy was back as he pushed me away. "This isn't you. You're drunk and not acting like yourself. Let's ge-"
Before he could finish his sentence my lips were on his, with my tongue demanding entry. I was so turned on I could have had sex right then and there, not giving a damn who might have been watching. Finding some willpower to resist my advances, Jesse pulled himself away and held me at arm's length as I continued to sway to the music.
Exhaling deeply he grabbed my arm and practically dragged me from the dance floor to a back door that led us into an alley. With the faint sound of club music still being heard we were outside in the fresh air.
"I can't believe you did this to yourself...again!" His voice was stern as he raked his fingers through his chocolate locks. "I need to get you away from here."
Laughing at his frustration I grabbed his lapels and backed him against a wall. "C'mon stud, for old time's sake..." I teased, brushing my lips against his talented mouth, using my tongue to entice him further."
"Beca...not here." He spoke softly and struggled, trying to resist my advances by turning his head. "You have to stop."
"Make me." Sounding breathy I held his head between my hands and pressed my lips to his, gnawing and tugging on him. "Take me Jesse...right here and right now." I murmured against his mouth as my seduction wore him down.
"Fuck it!" He mumbled to himself, spun me around and slammed my back against the wall. Raising my hands above my head Jesse's lips attacked mine as we fought for dominance. This was exactly what I wanted as the void inside me needed to be filled.
With his erection pressing into me he forced his leg between my thighs as I grinded my center against him; the friction making us both moan. Releasing my hands, he kneaded my breasts making me gasp as I arched my back, pressing myself further into his palms as my pert nipples strained against the confining material. With my pants undone I guided his hand inside my panties where his deft fingers nimbly massaged me there making my jaw drop and eyes roll back. I was all sensation as he pressed on my bundle of nerves sending me into an instant frenzy that made me cry out.
"Fuck!" He bellowed at my wetness and thrust his digits inside as I tossed my head back and closed my eyes."
"Yes! That's it! Punish me and make me pay for all my sins."
And that's all it took for him to stop. Jesse must have flash-backed to three days before as he withdrew his hand and backed away. Still breathing hard he bent over and wiped his lips with the back of his dry hand while I leaned against the wall panting. "Is that all you've got Swanson?" I was breathless, feeling betrayed and sexually frustrated. "You're such an asshole! You could've had me!"
"You're right, Miss Mitchell, I am an asshole." He paused to catch his own breath. "What the hell are you doing to me? I almost fucked you in this alley! I could have taken advantage of you!" Shaking his head, he couldn't believe what had just happened between us. "Baby...I want you more than anything, but not here and definitely not like this."
"Like what then…" My voice cracked as I staggered away. "To inflict more pain on me!" The tone of my voice was full of angst as I sobbed. "Fine...I'll go find somebody else to fuck..." With my emotions running amok he pulled me into his arms. "No Jesse...stop!" I tried to push him away. "Let me go!"
"Shh...I'm sorry!" His apology was heartfelt as he held me against him. "This is my fault...I drove you to this. I just hope someday you'll be able to forgive me." Jesse sounded sincere as he hooked a tendril of hair behind my ear-spike and pressed his soft lips to my forehead. "I'm not going to let you hurt yourself. I'm taking you away from here so you can sleep this off. We'll discuss this another time when you're more coherent." He said lifting my chin as I struggled to focus on him with my equilibrium becoming more obscured.
With my inside's turning I knew what was coming and tried to pull away but Jesse refused to release his grip on me. Giving him a dazed grin the contents of my stomach made its journey northward and landed gloriously on his perfectly tailored suit.
"SHIT!" He blurted out, releasing his grasp on me then quickly bringing me over to a trash can so I could expel the rest of my organs. "I guess I deserved that after what I put you through. Looks like I got the brunt of it." He chuckled looking down at his vomit splattered attire.
As I continued to empty my stomach he supported me around my waist and held my hair back while I puked my guts out. When I was done yacking Jesse handed me his handkerchief and called Benji to bring his vehicle around back.
"Feeling better?" Jesse asked as he released me to remove his tie and soiled clothing. "Are you done retching?"
"For now, unless you have something else for me to ruin." I snarked back, watching Jesse undress then squinted at the approaching headlights. "Uh Oh!"
"Relax...it's just Benji. He's bringing the car over so I can take you home."
"Home?" I asked, feeling woozy. "Where...?" I was so out of it I could no longer form a sentence.
With Benji and Stacie helping me into the passenger side of Jesse's Audi I slumped into the soft leather as my ex, dressed in a classic wife beater shirt and briefs climbed into the seat next to me.
Before my seatbelt could be fastened things became more distorted as my world seemed to tilt on its axis. With my reality slipping away I had no choice but to give in to fatigue as my surroundings faded to darkness.
The following morning I woke up with a start, pried open my bloodshot eyes and had no clue as to where I was. With a pounding headache my mouth was as dry as the Nevada desert; it was times like this I was reminded why I didn't allow myself to drink to excess. With the events of last night being a blur, the last thing I remembered was being on the dance floor and then...OH SHIT!
Turning over to my other side I noticed Jesse sleeping next to me. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes I couldn't believe I allowed this to happen, especially since we had broken up just a few days before. When I examined my surroundings more closely I realized we were at his place, in his bed and I was wearing one of his t-shirts without anything underneath.
Where were my clothes and what the hell happened last night?
Did we...?
A/N: Welcome back and thank you for reading the beginning of "Darker". Any idea what could have happened between them? Tune in next time and find out.