So...hello...This is my first Hunger Games fic except a oneshot called nightmares, feel free to check it out. This is quite a dark fic and involves quite a lot of sex and drug and alcohol abuse. There is no smut or stuff but I've rated this M because of the themes involved. I'm not sure how long this fic will be, and I'm also not sure if it will be Finniss or Everlark. She will meet both of them shortly, and Gale, but there is no question of a true romance with Gale. It's not that I don't like him, I just don't feel like writing them together. I think that's mostly it. The only thing is I am terrible at updating regularly, but yeah, I hope you like it...

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with the hunger games...

~She wants to go home, but nobody's home, it's where she lies, broken inside~
Avril Lavigne-Nobody's home

Numb

Katniss let out a small gasp as the man she had met about an hour ago pushed her roughly against the cold brick wall in the alley next to the club. They were kissing, almost violently, not that she was complaining. The excessive amount of alcohol they had both consumed that night clouded both their judgements, but they both knew exactly what they were doing.

The man's sloppy lips made their way down her neck, as he lifted her up and wrapped her bare legs around his waist, causing him to push her harder against the wall as his had dropped to his flies. At this moment in time they both wanted the same thing, and they were both going to get it, and in that moment they didn't care about anything else.

Katniss woke up with a banging in her head and it took her a few moments to realise where she was, she was next to the man from last night, they must've gone back to his after the experience against the wall. The memories of last night were hazy, she remembered meeting the guy in the club, flirting and drinking with him for about an hour before heading outside before being overtaken by lust.

At 19 years old Katniss was no stranger to alchohol and sex, but unlike some people she didn't do it to enjoy herself, she did it to feel something, anything. Katniss Everdeen was numb. Completely empty. She had lost everyone she held close at the tender age of 14, both her parents and younger sister had died in a car crash, which she had survived. She didn't cry at the funeral, she didn't even cry when she found out they were dead, five years she had spent without a tear even threatening to fall out of her eye.

Sometimes she was angry, sometimes she was sad, sometimes, very rarely, she was happy, but mostly she was numb, and it was strange. She couldn't remember what it was like to truly feel something normal, and she didn't know if she ever would again.

She silently crawled out of the grimy bed, put her short dress back on and pulled her heels on before silently heading home. Home. Home for some people was a bustling busy house full of children and covered in mess and pictures and happiness. For some people it was a small, quiet house, peaceful, calm and clean. A place to make memories of first love and first heartbreak. For other people it was the place they had lived all of their life, a place already filled with memories, memories that would die with them, a place where they felt safe and loved. For her, home was a one bedroomed flat with neighbours on one side that couldn't keep themselves to themselves and on the other side a guy ten years older than her, called Haymitch Abernathy, who was permanently stoned or drunk.

Haymitch wasn't that bad, they had spent many a night getting stoned together, he hadn't had an easy life, she knew that much, but he had never divulged any details, and she was fine with that.

The block of flats themselves were the worst ones in the worst estate in Panem. The estate, simply named '12', was as far away as you could get from '1', where she had grown up.

After her family's death she had been sent to live with her only remainig family, Aunt Enobaria and Uncle Brutus, and their children Cato and Clove in '2' . They had never got along, and Katniss was permanently reminded that she wasn't one of them, which was probably what lead her to joining 'The Strays' at school.

The Strays were the outcasts, the misfits, the ones who didn't give a fuck about school or life in general, the ones that just wanted to get away. So that's what they did, on the rare occasions they did go to school, they usually ended up walking out halfway through, unable and really not wanting to have to deal with the words and taunts sent their way, usually by Clove or Cato and their friends to be honest.

Thresh was a fellow stray, two years older than her and a lot bigger, he was always getting into fights just about everywhere, but one night, when they were the only two left sitting on the swings in the park after a heavy night of drinking and smoking weed, they had ended up getting a lot closer than either of them had ever expected.

That was the night Katniss lost her virginity, and even though she and Thresh never spoke of it again, she couldn't forget the feeling that came along with it. That feeling of pleasure mixed in with danger and lust, it was one of the first things she had actually truly felt, especially strongly, since her family's death the previous year, and she liked it. She loved it infact, and she soon found herself regularly finding solace in the arms of unknown men that she never met again.

She didn't care about the reputation she was getting, she just needed to feel something, and that was the only thing that had worked so far, so why should she stop?

At the age of 17 she had announced she wanted to move out, something which Enobaria and Brutus had been exceptionally pleased about. They had given her just about enough money to buy this grimy flat in 12, but it was enough for her. She hadn't talked to them since. The only people she had kept in contact with from 2 was Johanna Mason, who now lived in 7, and Annie Cresta, who was now in 4. She had heard from them that Thresh now lived in 11, only about an hour away from her but she didn't see the point in going to see him, they had never been particularly close except that one night, but that had been 4 years ago.

In the day she now worked at the bakery, 10AM-5PM everyday except Sunday, which it was today. It paid well enough, she had enough money to get by and a little bit spare, that was all she needed. After that she would head to the pool and swim for an hour until half 6. Water was the only other place she had found herself able to feel. She had no idea why but as she glided through the water an inexplicable sense of calm washed over her.

Then she would come home and laze around for a bit before starting to get ready to go out at anytime from 8 onwards, whatever she felt like that day. Sometimes she would come home, sometimes she wouldn't, but she hardly ever remembered the events from the night before, and she liked it that way.

Letting out a sigh Katniss collapsed onto the sofa and lit up a cigarette, once again feeling nothing as she contemplated her life, the emptiness it involved and the nothing she cared about. The nothing she was.

So please review, good or bad I'm not really bothered. If you don't like I would prefer it if you could tell me what you don't like so I could work on it and improve. Thanks :) :P