… Ladies and gentlemen…
… RebelionMuda presents…
"MAD HOUSE"
A strange feeling…
CHAPTER 1
ALIVE
Heaven…
… is a big pain in the behind.
Or at least that's what any normal person would tell you. But of course, we shall not ignore the fact that usually "normal people" don't end up right there.
Oh no, Heaven is for children who die to young to be aware of sin, for grandmothers that stay in their houses praying for their families and for all the evil in this world to end, for nuns that try day by day to make this word better, for poor guys that have diarrhea accidents when they are dating (there has to be something good for them at the end, at last), for calm good citizens that never mess up with anyone and pay their bills on time… and of course…
For Edgar.
And there he was, sitting in the middle of row number 237654, static, staring at nothing in particular. A life with no particular morbid sin had gained him that little uncomfortable chair in the middle of that not-so-clean place. Should be filled of bliss, for sure… but instead he was somehow bored.
Eternity sitting on an uncomfortable chair wasn't what he was expecting at the end of the dark tunnel. He would have liked better a good cheese hamburger and fries, and a large soda too. Even a bagel would have been great compared to what he was getting.
"Thanks for living sacrificing every one of your desires and wants, Edgar, here you have your cheeseburger"
Yeah… that would have been nice. I mean, he wasn't a picky guy. He had never been like that. He had no problem with dying, well maybe with that torn to shreds part, that had been quite painful.
But it had happened really fast, he really didn't remember that much of a thing.
He just remembered having been in pain… and of course, he remembered him.
His murderer. That Nny guy.
He closed his eyes. God, that had been a crazy one. Still he couldn't erase their conversation of his mind.
"Why are people so unpleasant?"
"I don't know"
"I bet he would hate this place too" he sighed. Edgar never though he would think such a sinful statement but damn, he couldn't deny it. He hated Heaven.
Sitting on a chair, seeing time pass… and they didn't even play a single movie.
He moved a bit, crossed his leg. His movement made a little noise provoking his neighbors' curious gazes direct at him. He looked at them back. And then they all stared at nothing again.
That had been the most exciting moment he had lived since he had gotten there.
"This is even terrifying…" he thought "… crazy neighbors staring at me all the time, fluffy bunnies flying around… and I bet if no one cleans up a bit *I* am going to get up and grab the mop."
Heaven… yeah.
But there was something about to happen right then, when he saw her. That lady who had led him when he got there, and that then had tried to molest him. She was using her usual "Social Service" outfit, and she was getting closer, walking through row number 237654, whispering something.
"Number 9,999,987, number 9,999,988, number 9,999,989…" The place was a little crowded when he thought about it, weird "… number 9,999,997, number 9,999,998, number 9,999,999…" and then she stopped, right in front of Edgar, her sinful eyes stared at him "… and you must be number 10,000,000"
Edgar swallowed. He didn't like how she had said that, he didn't like it at all.
"I-I… guess so?" he said, his voice felt weird in his throat, it had been a long time since he had last spoken.
"Well it says here behind your chair, you ARE number 10,000,000… cutie"
"Oh.. umh… ehem… that's… great, I believe" Why does his chair seemed more uncomfortable all of a sudden?
"It IS indeed… if you want to leave this place."
"What?" Leave Heaven? Well the concept seemed nice at first but then… where would he go if not Heaven? And WHY where they kicking him out of there?
"Yes, we have orders from Up There." She adopted then a very solemn posture "Number 10,000,000… It has been stated that you must go back to Earth, all in one piece, soul, body, mind… and even hair."
"WHAT?! Wait… WHAT?!"
"Shhh… don't have to be so loud, there are people trying to have some bliss here" a neighbor yelled.
"But… WHY? What did I do? Is it because I thought the place was dirty? Seriously… I meant no offense, but… you really should clean a little once in a while." What the hell was happening?
"Sorry, I cannot give you more information. Up There doesn't like to be questioned… and it is really hard to keep this place clean, at least you should be grateful you got a chair! New people have to sit on empty boxes" she grabbed his arm and forced him to stand up "Now if you could follow me…"
"But… but where are you taking me? And what is this Up There thing? Are you talking about God? Because he's not up there, you know, he's in the middle of that aisle… wait… there's not even an up there! We are in Heaven! What could be upper than this?" he said a little nervous, of death he sure wasn't afraid but… to live again?
Edgar stared back at his old 10,000,000 chair. Suddenly that little piece of wood seemed the safest place ever.
The girl laughed cruelly, in some way. "You fool… you really think this shitty hole is the highest spot in the system? You don't have any idea, do you? Hell, Heaven… they all serve Up There"
"Up… There?" Edgar noticed they had gotten quite far from the chairs room. It locked as if they had walked miles in just a few seconds. A few steps more and he was in front of a shabby door, nailed above was a single simple plaque that wrote "UP THERE" in black letters.
"Well, this is it. I can't enter in there but you have to. Don't worry, cutie… they won't bite you, yet. They need you for something… although…" her voice became a dirty whisper as she hissed on Edgar's ears "… I think I'd be more scared of what they want you to do than of being drowned in boiling acid, hee-hee"
And with a smile she disappeared in a cloud of dark smoke.
Edgar coughed, the smoke was irritating.
"Wait a sec, I-… I…" I am screwed, would be accurate.
Vargas started at the door, he was at this point in the middle of noting. It was just a blank space, with that single door in front of him. There weren't even scare fluffy bunnies flying around. And there was no where to go.
"This must be a mistake, this shall be a mistake… I cannot get back to Earth, I was ripped to shreds, no one can get back from that… they surely wanted number 1,000,000,001 and not me… I-I'll go inside and clear this thing out, yes I will do that" he swallowed hard "I will do that… I have nothing to fear, I'm in heaven after all… I… believe."
He knocked on the door at last and it opened almost instantly. In front of him there was a long stair, so long he couldn't even see the end of it.
"Watch your hands, wings, tails and such other extremities" was read on a sign that hung up from an invisible roof.
Edgar stepped on the stair, a heavy crack was heard and the stair started to move automatically. A good thing, he thought.
He hugged himself, the place was dark and cold, like some operation hall. It took him a while to reach the end of the long stairs. When he stepped out of them, they suddenly disappeared and were replaced by an empty space with no bottom.
The man stepped back by instinct. Staring at that black space he didn't really noticed he was still walking backwards until he hit something… or better said someone.
"Oh, I'm sorry, sir I wasn't… looking… " he turned around to face what seemed like a huge, tall man with horns in his head. He was the tallest man he had ever seen, his red skin just told him one thing. "… Oh damn me to hell…"
"Hahaha… not exactly my boy, you see I just come from there and I really have no interest on contributing to that hideous overpopulation by adding one more soul, as tempting as that could be" Señor Diablo spoke in deep, dark voice.
"You… are…"
"Señor Diablo, for you. I have been waiting for you for almost 10 minutes, couldn't you have taken the elevator?" Devil said in an annoyed tone. He was wearing his usual outfil, and stared at Edgar in a very unusual way. He was so used to damned souls... a soul right from heaven... amusing.
"Elevator? Sorry I.. I just saw stairs and…"
"The elevator is behind the stairs, everyone know it! But well… let's carry on, my friend, the sooner the better. That's what I always say."
Devil walked and Edgar, as shocked as he was followed him. He had a lot of questions in his mind, but experience told him that asking for answers didn't lead to anything.
"I'm sure that must feel frustrating."
"Wha- .. I didn't say anything"
"KID… c'mon! You know who's standing next to you, right?" A soul right from heaven... irritating
"You can read my mind?!" he just prayed he hadn't seen very deep in him, if there was a thing Edgar liked was his privacy.
"Among other things… and yes, that was a vampire the one who stole your lunch when you were in 5th grade, a zombie kidnapped your hamster when you left for camping on 4th grade, that girl you asked out on 9th grade WAS half werewolf and… that shadow you saw on your pantry… no, sorry, it wasn't your mother's ghost."
The young man stared at him blankly
…
"… I KNEW IT! That girl kept the whole night sniffing the food and chasing cats!" He said as triumphant as he could be.
"You'll find that I'm full of answers, Mister Vargas. Answers that they will never give you"
"How did you know my-"
"Señor Diablo, Mister Vargas... Please don't forget the Diablo part"
"Well then… could you tell me why am I here… Señor? " Edgar asked, totally ignoring Diablo's annoyed attitude. Apparently the guy wasn't of his fondness. But then again, nobody had really liked him before. Not in Earth, not in Heaven… it seemed as if he had a repellent aura that kept all people surrounding him away. He was very impressed that Nny had actually seen him that day. That fatal day…
They kept walking until they entered another room, this one was brighter, very bright indeed it hurt Edgar's eyes.
"You have been bought, by Up There" The tall demon explained, always calm.
"Bought?! I didn't know I was for sale…"
"You're not the brightest light on the tree, right, Edgar?" Diablo laughed "After all these years of Sunday School… can you tell me to whom does your soul belongs?"
"To... God?"
"Yes, exactly. And if your soul belongs to God then he has all the right to sell it, don't you think?"
"God sold my soul?!" That little goblin-like chubby man, asshole!
"He has indeed… well he was still asleep when they asked him so I, as always, had to take care of everything. Your human soul, Mister Vargas, does not belong to this place anymore."
"But… but… WHY?!" That was some crazy crap, and he had lived among people who sat and stared at fluffy flying bunnies the whole day, he knew of crazy.
"It has been purchased by Up There, they are the people you should be asking that question, not me. Even though I know the answer I'm afraid you won't understand it until you're down there, on Earth."
Edgar's heart felt as if it was running a marathon, he couldn't understand a thing that was happening to him.
"Oww… but don't feel bad about it, you know they paid a lot for your soul. It has been the best deal we have done in ages. And plus you're leaving in a nice way, you don't belong to us anymore so we can't damage you, not even a hair. I don't really know what they see in you but they think you're the only one who can solver their… problem"
"… what kind of… problem?" he found the nerve to stay calm, even in a very stressing situation, Edgar always tried to keep control, and most of the times, he achieved it.
Diablo shrugged and smiled "Some people just don't let go"
The tall specter hunched to face Edgar "And now that I have told you this, the deal is finished. Goodbye Mister Vargas" a handle appeared besides Diablo, he put his skeletal hand over it and pulled it.
"Wait-NOOO!!!"
But it was late, Edgar was falling, falling, falling through the air…
"ASK THE BUNNY!" Diablo yelled.
Edgar felt as if he had jumped from the tallest mountain on Earth. He kept falling as if it weren't really a place to land… or get his head smashed against.
Until he started to feel something.
It was… something cold… very cold… it felt wet… the sensation started on his feet and then crawled upon his legs and his back and his chest. He couldn't breath, everything was so cold, it felt like being under water.
And there was exactly were he ended up.
Edgar opened his eyes, everything looked like a blur of colors. His chest felt like it was about to explode, until he reacted and sit.
Panting hard, his reddish face was dripping water. He was inside of a dirty tub. Soaked in water that seemed old and smelled funny.
So it was true… he was alive.
And naked.
Oh fuck.
Edgar tried to get out of the tub but it was useless, he had lost contact with that "real body" and "real walking" stuff. It took him 5 minutes to get out of it, and he ended up cold like ice and shaking on the floor.
His teeth were shaking so hard they started to hurt.
Hurt.
Pain.
So this is how it felt like, he remembered now.
A towel covered in dust was on a chair behind him. He grabbed it and tried to get dry a bit, still clumsy. The towel was wrapped around his hips and he stood up the better he could.
"Ok, Edgar… you can do it… just… don't fall…"
He still had no idea of in what God forbidden (or God allowed) situation he was, he only knew one thing.
He had to get out of there.
He felt it, there was something wrong in that place. Maybe it was the torn wallpaper. Or those weird redish-brownish stains all over the place, maybe it was that rusty chainsaw on the floor, with pieces of something rotting in its blade.
Maybe it was the smell of death in the air that remembered… he had been there before.
He gave one step. And then again, he started walking, and each step felt better and stronger.
"No, it can't be… it can't be HIS place"
A door, would he dare open it?
He opened it.
The smell of putrid corpses filled his nose.
"AAAGH!" The door was closed.
Step. Step. Step.
Each stronger than the previous one.
Another door.
He opened it .
Was that a corpse sitting on another corpse, sitting on another corpse, sitting on an Iron Maiden?
The door was closed after Edgar could contain himself from throwing up.
Step. Step. Running, running…
Another door.
He opened it.
Some man was hanging up from the ceiling, a bunch of wires had been dug into his flesh and the moment he saw Edgar he yelled so hard Vargas could felt his ears about to explode. Maybe it was because he had lost touch with the *hearing* part of his body.
"AAAAHHH!!!" He put his hands on his ears as the man yelled again, this time because a heavy electrical shock was burning his intestines.
The door was closed.
Step, running, running…
A window!
A safe window… the outside was visible from there, Edgar grabbed it, opened it…
… but he felt his blood run cold at the gaze.
There was a wall behind the window.
Still he could see through the glass, as if there was an outside.
"What the fuck is happening?!"
He couldn't get out of that place, not through that window.
Running, running, running…
A door.
He opened it… and almost fainted.
There he was.
As skinny as he remembered him, dark skin, dark spiked hair, wearing that same shirt he was using when he killed them, a saw in his hand, half buried into some girl's skull, soaked in blood.
"And this…" his dry hissing voice could be heard above the girl's pleads for mercy "… is why you should think twice before you comment without understanding the depth meaning of great Kafka, uneducated little… " Johnny stopped and stared at the man in front of him before Edgar closed the door as fast as he had opened it and disappeared from his sight "Excuse me… did you see a half naked man standing there, by my door?"
The girl nodded.
"I see… that's what I thought."
Edgar heard the girl's last scream for her life and that disgusting sound the saw made when it fell on the floor soaked in blood.
Then his steps, one by one, those weird boots sure were noisy.
"RUN! RUN! RUN! RUN!"
But Nny was running too, and Nny was more used to be alive than he was so far.
Another goddamn door.
He opened it and locked it behind him, Edgar kept his hands against the door, refusing to let it go.
"Don't enter here, don't enter here…"
But Nny's steps were getting closer and closer each second…
"What am I going to do? What am I going to do?" he whispered without noticing that what he HAD to do was stay quiet.
"What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I…"
"What am I going to do?"
Edgar's eyes opened wide.
"What am I going to do?…. "What am I going to do?"
Was that... an echo?
"What am I going to do? Fuck sake…. "What am I going to do?"
No it wasn't.
That voice, it came from behind him. But it didn't sound like a real voice, it sounded like a very, very weird echo. Like somebody talking through TV static.
"What am I going to do? If he never notices me what am I going to do?"
Don't look back, Edgar.
"What am I going to do?!!!"
Don't look back.
"What am I going to do?!!!!
Don't look back, it's just static, just strong static.
"WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!... Wait… Who are you?"
And Edgar looked back.
Everything faded into black smoke.
The last thing he could feel, was his bare chest being pierced by that cold blade from the behind.