"Anti-House"

Spoilers for this last episode (Like I know the name…psh I'm not OBSESSED here). I love the idea of someone who actually can control House…and he was arrested, which I've been waiting for for two seasons now. So awesome.

"You have one phone call. Make it quick."

Damn. Who the hell likes me enough to bail me out of jail…..ah. Cameron.

Cameron. It's House.

"What do you want House? It's late."

I want you to come down to the police station and bail me out. Yeah, that's about it.

"You what?"

This is slightly annoying. Whatever, don't piss off your only hope out of here tonight.

I'm in prison. Some patient was a detective and apparently I 'rubbed him the wrong way'. If you try to take anything perverted out of that I will spread a rumor that you got high and had sex with Chase…oh wait, that's not a rumor.

"House, do you want me to help you or not?"

Um…duh?

"Well then stop pissing me off or you can rot in prison for the night. I'm guessing you used me for your 'one call'?"

Good guess.

"I'll be there in five minutes. Try not to raise the bail before I get there."

Score. I knew I kept her around for a reason. Shit. Here comes Mr. "Let's-Arrest-the-Cripple-for-Pain-Meds" Detective.

"Dr. House. Time's up. Ready for questioning?"

Does it matter? Or are you going to twist everything I say no matter what?

Sure, why the hell not?

---

Can you say awkward? I hope someone's watching in the mirror room….for all I know this guy's gonna pull the thermometer out of his ass and get some revenge or what not.

"So, Dr. House. Why were you speeding?"

I thought I was arrested for drugs?

"You were. We're getting there. Speeding. Any particular reason or was it just your uncanny sense of rudeness striking out again?"

Yep, that's it. Look, it really doesn't matter what I say to you. I can tell you're predisposed to hating me. Don't worry, you're not alone. But it would save you and me a lot of time if we just sped things up a bit, no pun intended.

"Well, because of your rudeness and lack of consideration for me, I'm not going to be able to do that for you. Consider it my form of a thermometer. Why'd you do that anyway? Just for curiosity's sake?"

Because it was hilarious. Until now.

"Ah. I see. Well, is someone coming to bail you out?"

Yep. On her way…oh, and she's cute too.

"Not Dr. Cuddy I suppose? No, she wouldn't do that for you….not after the legal fees you must cost her in a year."

No I suppose not. Listen, let's just cut to the chase. Obviously I've pissed you off. And I'm sorry. But let's just start from the beginning and say we're even.

"Ah, but you're not sorry for your actions. You're sorry because you screwed with someone who can actually do something about them besides complaining to your boss. Have you ever been arrested before?"

Surprisingly, no.

"Hm, that is surprising."

Knock on the door. Some uniformed idiot pokes his head in. "Detective, a Dr. Cameron is here to pay the bail for Dr. House."

God, I love that girl. Did I just say that?

"You're in luck House. But don't think that this is the end of you and me. See, I feel I have an obligation. An obligation to protect the rest of the world from your rudeness. And I never back down from obligations. See you in court."

Creepy. I'm supposed to be the one doing the stalking.

"House. Let's go. You owe me two grand."

Done deal. Thanks for coming Cameron.

"Yeah right. Who else would you have called? Wilson?"

Actually, he was second on the list.

"So who is this Detective anyway?"

God, for all I know. And damn it, I think he's smiting me.