I bring you birthday fic!
The 13th of September was my eighteenth, and seeing how I couldn't get Cessation started because study took far too much out of me (and will do this week as well) I decided a small oneshot to celebrate my birthday would be in order. And because I was out clubbing (what do you call it if there is only one club in the town that you have?) until four in the morning, and my internal clock woke me up at five this is all I have the energy to write.
Now if this looks familiar, it's because of a massive cock-up on my part. I only posted this thinking it would be a oneshot - then it turned into a trilogy. And I have had several requests to put this into one place, so I have done so. Terribly sorry and I feel ashamed as an author to not have considered that possibility from the beginning - and as a result would probably end up with no reviews on this. But I don't care. This is about more than reviews (actually it's all about Ichi-bashing and Bya-bashing) so I hope you like the fact that it's in one place, and if you have reviewed previously - it is entirely up to you if you want to again. I'm doing this at the risk of being reported - for all those who have requested this action. Note that the original fics have been discarded.
Terribly sorry once again, I should be shot for committing this heinous crime. (Stands with arms wide open in symbolic gesture to the sky - strike me down now!)
To all those new readers - welcome! And I hope you enjoy!
Hope you have the time (and the space in your heart) to review!
"You know Byakuya would castrate you if he could see you now, right?"
If it weren't for the fact that Rukia had him against a wall, hands fisted in his hair and mouth over his, Ichigo might just have choked.
As it was, he had to push Rukia away from him - which he really didn't want to do - and take several seconds to calm his breathing as he got over the pain of her hands being wrenched from his hair and the shock of seeing Matsumoto Rangiku standing in the doorway of his office.
"Shit, Rangiku. What the fuck are you doing here?"
In all honesty he rather liked Rangiku - it was just ever since she had gone boobs first into a relationship (if you could call it that) with Rukia's brother, she had decided she needed to torture him by showing up at the most inopportune moments and threaten to report things about his relationship with Rukia to Byakuya. Not to mention hassle him every time she saw him about actually proposing to Rukia. Which he didn't need, especially because he already had a ring sitting in a velvet box under his mountain of paperwork and was already rather close to finding a way to propose to her that didn't involve his death immediately afterwards.
Rukia, who had straightened herself out much faster and with far more grace than the 'strawberry', kicked him in the shin. "Don't swear, idiot."
The newly appointed Captain of Fifth glared at her. "Hypocrite."
Rangiku cleared her throat before the pair began another of their famous arguments. "Ichigo…"
He ripped his gaze away from Rukia's and crossed his arms. "What?"
"You haven't talked to Byakuya yet, have you?"
He looked away. "No. Ouch, bitch!"
Rukia punched his shoulder again. "What are you meant to be talking to Nii-sama about?"
Ichigo scowled and raised a middle finger in Rangiku's direction. "It's none of your business, and it's none of hers either. Just because she's fucking your brother doesn't mean she needs to have anything to do with us."
Rangiku laughed. "Oh come on, you just haven't got the balls for it, have you?"
"If I do it I'm not going to have any balls anyway, so does it matter?"
"Stop beating around the bush, Ichigo." Rangiku laughed and stepped around the pair to sit in Ichigo's chair and put her feet up on his desk, pushing aside a pile of paperwork so that she could see the two properly. "Why don't you just do it now and ask Byakuya later? I can calm him down for you if you want."
Ichigo choked. "Now?"
"Yes now!"
"Do what now?" Rukia punched his shoulder again and frowned. "What are we doing?"
"Nothing!" Ichigo paled and stepped away as she raised a knee threateningly. "It's just Rangiku being annoying, okay?"
"Ask her, Ichigo."
The knee drove into his thigh. "Yeah, ask me."
Ichigo sighed overdramatically and ran a hand through his hair as he subconsciously rubbed his thigh with the other. "Do I have to? I wanted to do it differently."
"Yes! If you don't do it now you never will." Rangiku crossed her arms over her breasts and frowned at him. "Come on."
He frowned and crossed his arms. "Fine."
"Marry me, Rukia."
It was so quiet that Rangiku only realised he had said something by the movement of his lips. "I don't think she can hear you Ichigo."
He reached for Zangetsu and pointed the tip of it at the blonde. "Fuck off, Rangiku."
"Be nice, Ichigo. Ask her properly."
Rukia just stood between them, head turning back and forth and a growing look of confusion crossing her face. "I don't get it. What did you say?"
"The idiot wants you to marry him, stupid. And you are going to say yes because you love him. It's not that hard to understand." Rangiku sighed and pulled a hip-flask of sake out of her cleavage. "Hurry up, would you? I have somewhere I need to be. I can't stay here and look after you all day, Ichigo."
Ichigo muttered something about her not needing to be in the office anyway and turned his back to her, resting Zangetsu against the desk again as he did so.
"Ask her, Ichigo."
"Piss off, Rangiku!"
She threw the now empty flask at him and used her free hand to try and stop herself from falling out. "If you don't ask her now, properly, I will tell Byakuya and then help him castrate you. You've been dancing around this for years, idiot - so I'm only giving you one more chance."
He ignored her and took Rukia's hand who stared at him blankly as he fumbled around in his pocket with the hand not in hers and then swore. "I don't have…"
"Do it, Ichigo."
"Rangiku, shut up. I'm going to, alright? Pushy bitch." Ichigo sighed and took Rukia's other hand, taking a deep breath and beginning to look rather green. "Will you marry me, Rukia? I think the ring is somewhere under the paperwork and it's going to take hours to find it and it's really weird with Rangiku here and I haven't asked your brother yet but it's been a couple of years now and…and I love you." He sighed and looked away. "There I did it Rangiku, happy?"
Rukia's mouth opened and closed. "Huh?" She frowned and shook her head as she tried to decipher his scrambled words. "What about…what? Marry you?"
Ichigo's shoulders dropped and he shuffled awkwardly, eyes on the floor. "It's okay if you don't want to."
Rukia slapped him and Rangiku burst out laughing again. "Of course I do, idiot! Do you?"
"I asked, didn't I?"
"Technically, you were forced into it."
"It makes no difference. I still asked you. Do you want to or not?"
Rukia gave him one of those looks that meant that she thought he was incredibly stupid and hit him again. "Duh."
"Good!" Rangiku promptly jumped out of Ichigo's chair and mauled them both, forgetting about the fact that she was still half falling out and almost suffocating Ichigo. "Congratulations!"
"Jesus, Rangiku! You could knock someone out with those!"
Rangiku just grinned and turned on her heel, waltzing out of the office as Ichigo continued gasping for breath. "I already did, Ichigo! I had a wee accident last night when I was on top of Bya-kun! Poor thing might have a concussion!"
She could hear the resultant face-faults of both Ichigo and Rukia through the closing door and laughed.
Now all she had to do was tell Byakuya, sit back, and enjoy the show.
Well, again with the I-think-I-epic-failed comment. But oh well, I has birthday fic. And it's engagement fic! Yay! And it's major cock-up again - but here comes major apology!
I hoped you liked it anyway, and have the time to review!