Title: Moving Forward
Author: Oswald-Girl
Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker
Time: A few months after The Phantom Menace
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Friendship
Rating: K
Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
Moving Forward
Jedi weren't supposed to take things for granted. But then again, Jedi weren't supposed to form attachments, either. He had done both and now he was learning exactly why those things were frowned upon.
If he was being honest with himself, Obi-Wan knew he was a bad Jedi. Attachment was one of the most highly forbidden things according to the code by which he lived. And he tried, truly, to let go, but he could not. Admitting his master was gone was one thing, actually believing it and moving on was another entirely.
Qui-Gon Jinn had been a father to the newly appointed knight, the only father Obi-Wan had ever known. And now he was… dead. Dead at the hands of an unnamed Sith. Obi-Wan had not been able to save him. Now he only had a few last things by which to remember his master. The river stone Qui-Gon had given him on his thirteenth birthday, the green lightsaber that had saved Obi-Wan in the end, and, well…
"Master?"
Anakin. The newly freed slave boy his master had picked up on the desert planet of Tatooine. The Chosen One. Obi-Wan had promised to train him as his master's final wish.
The young knight hastily wiped his eyes to remove any evidence of his grief before answering his new apprentice, but did not turn to face him. He had not really been crying, but there were tears in his eyes threatening to spill over, and Anakin would notice them. Then the questions would never end.
Obi-Wan could not even remember the last time he had truly cried. It had been quite awhile. Maybe that cursed day in the Room of a Thousand Fountains? He did not know, but he had bigger problems, most of which stood behind him in the form of his nine year old padawan.
"Yes, Anakin?"
"I'm cold,"
Of course you are, Obi-Wan thought with slight irritation. The boy was always cold. It did not matter where they were or what they were doing, Anakin was never comfortable unless the temperature matched that of his home planet.
"Right. You know where the blankets are," he sighed.
"Master?"
"What?"
"I'm hungry, too,"
Obi-Wan groaned inwardly. That would require turning around to solve. As much as he did not want to reveal his emotions to Anakin, he realized it was late. The knight had lost track of time and forgotten to prepare their meal.
He stood slowly and, keeping his eyes down, turned and walked past the boy. Thankfully Anakin did not make any comment, but Obi-Wan would have been surprised if he had not noticed his master's reddened eyes. The knight moved as quickly as possible to fix something half way edible for himself and his new apprentice. He hoped to eat and just go to bed. Maybe cry to himself a little.
But his padawan appeared at his side within moments. His expression was somber.
"I miss him, too" the small boy said quietly.
Obi-Wan said nothing at first. He just paused, took a few deep breaths, and looked at Anakin. He knew exactly what the boy had meant by those short words; there was no need to ask. But the young man was surprised to see the boy's face still completely devoid of amusement. He had expected to be laughed at.
"He was the closest thing I've ever had to a father," Anakin continued.
The Jedi lowered his eyes sadly. "Me too,"
It had never occurred to the Jedi how Anakin might have thought of Qui-Gon. The little boy had barely known the great man Obi-Wan's master had been. The nine year old had only known Qui-Gon for a very short while. Obi-Wan had been the man's padawan for over a decade. He failed to see until then that sometimes it was not time that determined a bond. Sometimes it was just natural.
"Could you tell me about him?"
The question had taken the young man by surprise. But he nodded hesitantly. Obi-Wan was just describing Qui-Gon's reluctance to take a second padawan after Xanatos had fallen, when-
"Just like how you don't want me," Anakin interrupted.
Obi-Wan blinked. "What?"
"I know, Master. You don't have to pretend."
"Anakin," the man was not sure how to continue. The boy was partly right. Obi-Wan had not wanted to take a padawan, certainly not Anakin, but he did care for the boy. "What gave you that idea?"
The apprentice did not even think about his answer, but cast his eyes downward as he spoke. "I know you only took me because you promised him."
Obi-Wan was silent for a moment. He did not know how to tell the boy that he was wrong, when, in truth, he was right.
"Anakin," he said finally. "I did promise Qui-Gon I would train you. And I probably would not have taken a padawan at all, let alone you, for many years had I not made that promise. But I would not have made that promise if I did not think it was the will of the Force. I may not understand it, but the Force has its reasons. And I… I do not regret my decision, Padawan,"
"Really?"
"Really,"
Anakin took a minute to think this new information over. The idea that Obi-Wan did not resent him for being a burden was a new one. As he pondered this, another thing occurred to him.
Obi-Wan had called him 'Padawan.'
He had not done that yet, not in the few months for which Anakin had been Obi-Wan's apprentice. And now, he had uttered the word carelessly, without thinking about what he had said. Somehow, this comforted Anakin.
"Thank you, Master,"
Obi-Wan frowned in confusion. "For what?"
"Everything," the young boy responded immediately, and paused for a moment before adding quietly, "For calling me 'Padawan,'"
For a short moment, the knight wondered if he had heard his apprentice properly, but soon realized the boy was indeed correct. The realization brought a memory of the first time his own master had used the title while addressing him. It had been automatic; neither had realized what Qui-Gon had said until later, but the impact the moment had had on their relationship was real.
Just like now, Obi-Wan thought to himself, but he only smiled at the boy.
And when Anakin smiled back, Obi-Wan knew everything would be okay. Qui-Gon was not with them, but the two Jedi would be fine without him. Yes, it would always hurt to think of him, but both had left loved ones behind before. The difference now was that, this time, they had each other.