Pani Poni Dash Episodes: Done The MetroDiva Way
Episode 1: "It's My Classroom and I Can Cry If I Want To!"
Narrator: this is Rebecca Miyamoto born of a American father and a Japanese mother, she graduated from (cuts off) oh come on do I really have to read all this? We know what they gonna say, she graduated from MIT the youngest graduate in history blah blah blah! We get it okay, we freaking get it She a child prodigy can we get this *bleep* over with?
Rebecca: (sing song) Someone's having a bad day…..
Narrator: you know what? *bleep* you Rebecca!
Scene 2
Alien 2: uh why the hell are we at the Miyamoto resident?
Alien1: because we need something to look at so we don't look like we're doing nothing.
Alien2: be we DO do nothing .All we do is sit, eat nachos and watch little girls all day.
Alien1: and that's a bad thing?
Alien2: you are a sad strange little man…
(sees Rebecca on screen)
Alien2: so who are we stalking this time?
Alien 1: We're not stalking her. she is gonna be the one to save the earth, you know.
Alien 2: aw the second daughter of the Miyamoto family, Rebecca. Hey isn't there a girl in your dreams named Rebecca you scream every night.
Alien 1: uhhhhhhhhhhh…. I don't know what you're talking about.
(Rebecca wakes up, yawns and looks at Mesousa who is crying his eyes out)
Mesousa: Why didn't you share the bed with me?
Rebecca: Because I don't roll that way (lays back down)
Scene 3
Bird: Transition
Himeko (running) Like Maholicious I totally got some fabuloso news that's gonna like totally (falls into camera)
Miyako: oh god not that BS again I swear you do this every frickin morning!
Kurumi: You're just noticing that?
Rei: Can we hurry this up? I'm reading Twilight here!
Sayaka: (giggles) You fell (giggles)
Himeko; (getting up) despite my near death experience I have Maholicious news!
Rei: What do you mean lovestuckgirl isn't abridging Lucky Star anymore? I love that series
Hemiko: I Know right I here's she's totally with SMA now!
Kurumi: That's what she said.
Ichijo: I know where she went.
Kurumi: Then tell us you creepy b****
Ichijo: She said she's gonna abridge Pani Poni Dash now.
Kurumi: uh yeah right
Rei: That show is sooooo lame.
Scene 4
Jiji: So I guess you've already heard the news of lovestuckgirls new abridging series. And we all will be in it. So make sure you get on her good side…(darkly) or she make you look really REALLY bad! (laughs evilly)
Rei: I swear she better not make me a bimbo who addicted to Twilight and plastic surgery.
Jiji: Oh and buy the way you're teacher miss Hilton will no longer be with us and you'll have a new teacher.
Rei: is she a part of the series too?
Kurumi: So what do you know about her.
Jiji: well all I know is that she has a rep for being a very promiscuous 11-year old.
Rei: did he just say 11-year old?
Kurumi: do you have like a picture or something?
Jiji: Every guy has a picture of her!
Hemiko: I totally got to see it, maybe she's cute or maybe she's a lesbian!
Jiji: uh here she is dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuun
Kurumi: Wow she's pretty attractive for an 11-year old
Miyako: must be a California girl
Himeko: am I the only one who thing this little girl is totally delicious!
Miyako: yeah pretty much!
Scene 5
Back to Rebecca
Rebecca (singing "Promiscuous") Promiscuous girl, whatever you are I'm all alone and it's you that I want…
Mesousa: hey Rebecca?
Rebecca: Hm?
Mesousa: Do you think the people will like us? Or is it gonna be a repeat of last time?
Rebecca: Well all the guys like me, and the girls hate me. It's been that way forever. (yawns)
Mesousa: Hey do you still carry that bunny thong you got from the Little Devils store? If so can I see it?
Rebecca: ok but no sniffing.
Mesousa: (thinking) that's what she thinks. Sweet wift of Rebecca you'll soon be mine! (drop bag!) *Bleeeeeeep* Foiled again!
Scene 6
Rei: Ok everybody since no one wants to hear my Twilight fan fiction I guess we can talk about this teacher we're supposed to get!
Himeko: Like shouldn't we have done this first?
Miyako: Stupid b****es
Rei: Miyako are you mad?
Miyako: Mad? Mad? Hell yeah I 'm mad! Our favorite abridger is gone, we're having a mini slut to come and teach us, my mom caught me looking as hentai last night, I lost my virginity to a piranha, and now you're question me am I mad?
Rei: How'd you lose your virginity to a piranha anyway?
Miyako (yells) I don't wanna talk about it! Back me up inchijo for no reason!
Inchijo: (stands ,drink)
Miyako….
Inchijo: (smiling) hi
Miyako: hi?
Rei: Right, now as I was saying…
(Miyako grunts)
Scene 7
(somehow Rebecca and Mesousa ended up at the beach)
Mesousa: what's that?
Rebecca: The Ocean
Mesousa: why are we here?
Rebecca: cause we're lost
Mesousa: why are we?
Rebecca: (interrupts) shut up Mesousa!
Mesousa: Ok
(they got on the bus to another place)
Mesousa: What's that?
Rebecca: It's a bear
Mesousa: since when they're bears in Japan?
Rebecca: It's an anime, EVERYTHING exists in Japan.
(next they go to Las Vegas)
Mesousa: What's that?
Rebecca: Vegas? What the hell are we doing in Vegas?
Mesousa: Pretty lights
Rebecca: We're never gonna make it to school.
(next they make it to some forest)
Rebecca: Now where are we? I could use a drink right now!
Mesousa: But you're too young to drink.
Rebecca: Hey what's that? (sees a soda machine)Well a little alcohol never hurt anyone. (gets soda) Dammit if I wanted soda I'd go to the convenience store.
Mesousa: Maybe you should stay sober for your first day on the job.
Rebecca: (grunts) GOD DAMN SON OF A *bleep* B***
(the door open)
Rebecca: WTF?
Cat: Hey nice frame you got there.
Rebecca: oooooooooookkkkkkkkkkk
Cat: Hey I'm god. Wanna be my goddess?
Rebecca: Kitty say what?
Cat: So you roll with me or not?
(Rebecca ignores and walks away)
Cat: Mmm...Do you some fries with that shake?
Rebecca: Screw you kitty (actual dialogue)
Mesousa: Ow
(Someone comes out)
Rebecca: (thinking) Great more weirdness. (reads) paper Oh wait that's me…oh you're one of those people to rescue us aren't you? But how the hell did you find us?
Mesousa: own again
Rebecca (reads silently) Trust me I don't (gets in car) It's about damn time!
(Mesousa cries)
(later 2 guys are chilling when all of a sudden
Cop: Stop Ms. Miyamoto, not while I'm driving! (crashes into school)
Scene 8
Mesousa: I can't believe you tried to give that man a blow job while he was driving!
Rebecca: I was bored what else was I supposed to do?
Mesousa: You've could've just gave me one
Rebecca: I told you don't roll that way! (stand up) Let's do this! (peeks in) Ok Everything seems to ok they all seem normal and oh s***
Mesousa: Abort mission?
Rebecca: Ohhhhhh *bleep* it I'm I'm going in!
(everyone stares)
Rebecca(thinking) ooooooooooohh Sh*******************
Rebecca: (outro) : Can we go to a commercial?
Me: no!
Rebecca: *bleep* you!
Scene 9
Rebecca: Where am I? (turns around) Oh Abort mission Abort mission!
Kurumi: What's that thing She keeps talking too?
Rei: uh…..
Kurumi: and what the heck is she doing?
Rei: Maybe it's a sex doll?
Kurumi: Thinks its any good?
Rei: There's only one way to find out…
Rebecca: Ok attendance Time people and I just wanna say that it's an honor that this crazy ass weird ass school chose me to be your teacher
Himeko: Amigo she is so totally yummy!
Rebecca: So I've been told.
Himeko: I got a question? You sexy kid teacher you?
Rebecca: what the *bleep* you just call me?
Himeko: are you really a slut or what?
Rebecca:…
Rei: oooh are you gonna tells us all about your sexual escapades?
Kurumi: Or more importantly What kind of flavor do you like? I like Mexicans.
Himeko: Have you done it in an elevator before?
Miyako: How old were you when you lost your virginity?
Ichijo: Is your sex as really good as they say?
Sayaka: Do you like flavored condoms? (giggles)
Himeko: How strong is your tongue, huh? Huh?
Later
Rebecca: Someone save me!
Introduction: 1-a, 1-b, 1-d
Behoimi: Like Oh la la The new teacher has finally arrived Let's go check her out shall we?
(they get up to leave)
Jiji: If any of you leave, all will be raped by me!
(they go back)
Jiji: what a damn bunch of cowards (actual dialogue)
Scene 10
Back to class
(everyone is going blah blah blah as Rebecca is losing her patience and finally…)
Rebecca: SHUT THE *bleep* UP! YOU MUTHA *BLEEP* SON OF A *BLEEP* STUPID **
Rebecca: Ok I feel better now, Ok just because I'm experienced doesn't mean that you can ask me about it okay. So if you got questions *bleep* it cause I don't care! So suck on this b****es!
Rei: Oh no she didn't! (hits her) Who the hell do you think you are, I swear the way you act you should be on the Maury show!
(Rebecca starts crying)
Kurumi: Rei ,What did you do?
Hemiko: Oh stop it you guys!
Rei: Why should I stop? If my boyfriend every did that to me I would cut his dick off. She has balls I give her that, but this a school Dammit and there things you can say and thing that are way out of line. No one disrespects me?
(Rebecca whimpers)
Rei: (sighs) Nice going Rei.
Rebecca: Was that really necessary?
Rei: Oh God
(Rebecca whimpers)
Rei: Ok Ok I didn't mean it I was just PMS-ing I'm sorry Look I'm not even mad anymore Seeeeeeeeeeeee? Seeeeeeeeee?
Rebecca: You really mean it?
Rei: Didn't I say see? SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?
(Rebecca comes out)
Rei: ok, Ms. Miyamoto, here's the deal, We're all gonna be in this abridged series together and it looks like you're the star
Rebecca(nods) Ya ok
Rei: sooo We're just curious about your academic life and sexual life so we have tons of questions about both of them. So we'll know all about you. Okay?
Rebecca: ok
Rei: and I Totally have the perfect question to ask? Where do you shop because I totally love your outfits!
Rebecca: Limited too.
Rei: Limited too huh? Is that in America?
Rebecca: no S***
Rei: Where else do you shop?
Rebecca: Mostly Lingerie stores like little Devils, Victoria Secret, Hollywood, Spencer's, Hot topic, Forever 21, Lord and Taylors, JC Penny, Macy's and huh..
(everyone is giggling at her)
Miyako: Does she really shop at all those places?
Rei: hell if I know
Scene 11
Later
(Rebecca gets up)
Rebecca: Ah I needed that
Rei: so that's how those virabating things work
Kurumi: We can learn a lot from her.
Himeko: I can teach her a lot more!
Miyako: last one to class is Jiji's B****
(they all leave)
Rebecca(thinking) Maybe if I kill them one by one I could get this show to myself Yea?
Rei: Ok Look this whole thing was like my fault and please don't go and like leave the show. Cause we like need you here and and and stuff
Rebecca: wha?
Miyako: I'm sorry for being a ass
Kurumi: Me too
Sayaka: Me three ( giggles)
Hemiko: We're so sorry that you had to like leave us and never ever come back!
Rebecca: Leave, Your kidding right?
Everyone: Huh?
Rebecca: All I needed was an orgasm to calm me down.
Miyako: Never underestimate the power of a orgasm.
Rei: Yep!
Rebecca: Ok attendenice Time again so lets do it right this time. Is there a Miyako Uehara in da house?
Miyako: Right here, b****
Rebecca: Sayaka Suzuki
Sayaka: (giggles) here
Rebecca: Himeko Katagiri
Himeko: Maholiciouly here
Rebecca: Rei Tachibana
Rei: Here
Rebecca: Kurumi Momose
Kurumi: Here
Rebecca: and everyone else ok well that's it for today See ya bye!You do have to go home but you got get the hell out of here.
End of episode
Aftermath
Rebecca: Now I can finally get laid.. (groung rumbles)Oh S****! What the *bleep* is that? (looks out to window to see some random guyon a space ship) WTF!
Rebecca: Hey I'm Rebecca Miyamoto, homeroom teacher of class I-c aka the sexiest 11yo you will ever see in your life. I'm so hot Every mom wishes their daughter was as fine as me. Make sure You watch the next episode, Tata B****es!