Lily Evans turned away from Severus Snape, her first and best friend in the magical world, and walked back through the portrait whole. She could feel the tears burning in her emerald green eyes but she would not cry, not here at least, not now. She was so focused on not crying until she got out of the common room and into her dormitory that she walked right into the person she least wanted to see, besides Sev, James Potter. She had loathed Potter since the moment she had first laid eyes on him, on the Hogwarts Express during her first voyage to Hogwarts. He and his equally obnoxious best friend, Sirius Black, had mercilessly picked on Sev, and Lily being the loyal best friend that she was had intensely disliked Potter and Black ever since.
"Whoa, watch it Evans." James said as he placed a steadying hand on her shoulder, as Lily had lost her balance upon running into him. Lily attempted to shrug of his hand and proceed on her way to her nice, comfortable four poster bed, but James only tightened his grasp on her shoulder. Lily looked at James fully intending to give one of her infamous, angry, fiery stares but she was so startled by the look in James's own eyes that she completely forgot to look angry. She hated that look. It was the look he had been giving her since the very first day of classes their first year. He always looked hungry when he looked at her. She was, however, used to that look and that was not what startled her. Mixed with the expected look of hunger was a look of genuine concern for her. "Are you alright, Evans?" Her eyes began to burn again and quickly averted them from Potter's; she would not under any circumstances cry in front of Potter.
"I… I'm fine" and this time she yanked her arm away from his grasp and headed strait for the stairs leading up to her dormitory.
"Lily." She turned around purely from the shock of hearing him say her name. It had always been Evans.
"I'm fine…James." She turned and continued up the stairs to her dormitory and collapsed onto her four poster bed.
James Potter watched her retreating back all the way up the stairs until she turned the corner and was out of sight. He then turned to his group of 3 friends and said, "Here that I'm James now."
Sirius clapped him hard on the back in mock celebration and said in a sarcastic voice, "Congratulations Prongs, it's only taken her five years to learn your name."
"Shut it." James replied.
"I think its wonderful James," Peter said adoringly, earning him rolled eyes from all three boys.
Severus Snape marched away from the entrance to the Gryffindor common room and back towards his own common room in the dungeons. He was angry. Not at Lily but at himself. He had ruined his only true friendship. He had hurt the only girl he could ever love. He had with the use of one word forever broken his own heart.
Lily lay in bed for hours waiting for sleep to come, but it did not. She did not know why she should be surprised; she had seen the path Severus had chosen long before the previous afternoon. She had just chosen to ignore it. She couldn't face the pain of thinking the sweet, shy boy she had grown up with was a death eater in training. She should have seen it from the beginning; When he first cursed Petunia, when he became friends with Mulciber, McNair and Malfoy, and his use of the word on everyone else of her parentage, and then finally on she herself.
She got out of bed angrily. There was no use lying here dwelling on things she could not change. If she could not sleep, she would at least distract herself by studying for her O.W.Ls in the common room. She quietly snuck down to the common room careful not to wake any of her sleeping roommates. She was happy to see that the common room was deserted and headed over to her favorite spot, one of the three chairs in front of the dwindling fire. It was then she realized she was not after all alone. There was one other person in the common room, James Potter.
"Trouble sleeping Potter?"
"Dreams of you keeping me awake, Evans" She rolled her eyes. Why did he have to be so infuriating? She reached down and grabbed her history of magic book and began to review for her O.W.L.
"Stop it," she said after several minutes had passed.
"Stop what?" he said in mock innocence.
"Stop looking at me."
"Can't help it, you're too pretty." She again rolled her eyes. She would not let him get to her. She had found the best policy when Potter got fresh with her was simply to ignore him. "I'm sorry." She looked up from her book; James Potter never apologized for anything especially not for getting fresh with her.
"For what, Potter?" James sat quietly for a moment as if he were weighing every word with importance, as if unsure how to continue.
"I'm sorry that I… that I …I'm sorry about yesterday".
"Since when do you apologize for being an arrogant toerag?"
"Not for that, for what he said."
"That's not your sin to apologize for, James."
"I just hated seeing you hurt. No one should talk to you like that." She was now thoroughly uncomfortable not just by his words but he was giving her that look again. It occurred to her now that she had never been completely alone with Potter before.
"You're blushing, Evans"
"You're…You're… I am not." She rose and returned to her bed, but she still did not sleep. For the second time that day she found herself thinking of James Potter and of the way those brown eyes made her feel when he looked at her.
Snape was fuming. He would kill him. No, that would be too quick. He would torture him as he had tortured Snape, and then he would kill him. Potter he was nothing more than an arrogant, strutting, prince.
It had all started after the History of Magic O.W.L. He had gotten up his courage to go talk to Lily at lunch. He would make her see reason. He would make her see that he loved her, that she was the only one. He waited for her outside the Great Hall his heart pounding in his chest. Then there she was. She gave him a look that could turn anyone's blood to ice, but he had to try.
"Lily, please listen to me. I'm sorry, sorrier than you can imagine. I didn't mean it Lil, please." She looked at him for what seemed to Severus like years. He could see the wheels in her head turning, thinking of how to respond. His heart was light with hope, hope of forgiveness. Then he ruined everything.
"Everything alright, Evans?" Potter had appeared out of nowhere.
"Fuck off, Potter." Snape growled.
"Severus!" Snape backed away at the look of anger in her eyes. "I'm fine, Potter. I was just leaving to go back to the common room and study for runes".
"I was heading that way myself, could I come with you?" With that they headed off together for the common room, and Snape was left seething with rage.
How dare Potter, when he could have any girl in the entire school love him, and half of them did, the other half were to busy fawning over Potter's equally as bad best friend, Black, how dare he lay eyes on Lily. His Lily, she was the only one who had ever cared about him. Severus knew with absolute certainty that was why Potter had chosen Lily. Potter did not really care about Lily; he only wanted to hurt Severus. He would not allow Lily to love Potter, she couldn't. The pain would be too much to bear.
"Was the slimy git bothering you?" James asked as he and Lily entered the portrait whole.
"Don't call him that." Standing up for Sev was habit by now.
"How can you do that? How can you stand up for him after what he said about you?" It was the first time in 5 years Lily had ever seen James lose control. He was shaking with anger.
"He was my friend for a long time, I just don't want to hear you talk bad about him."
"I've never understood how you can be friends with someone like him."
"Someone like him", Lily's eyes flashed with anger, always a danger sign.
"He's a death eater wannabe! Surely, you can see that! Explain to me how someone as good as you are could ever be friends with him."
"I don't have to explain anything to you, Potter." She turned on her heels and walked towards the dormitory, if Potter was incapable of leaving her alone and letting her study, then she would just have to go where he could not follow.
"Damn it Evans! I'm sorry! I'm sorry that I cared."
Two days later Lily sat on the Hogwarts Express thinking about her and Potter's argument. She could not understand why it bothered her so much. She and Potter had fought hundreds of times, and never had it bothered her like this. How dare he try and act like he knew her. How dare he think he had the right to make judgments about the people in her life. How dare he think they were friends. Thinking of friends did not help her mood any. This was the first time she had not sat with Severus on the Hogwarts Express. She had many other friends in Gryffindor who had asked her to sit with them, but she had needed to be alone on this particular journey. She needed to feel the pain of the friendship she had lost.
"Evans?" She jumped as the sudden intrusion of Potter startled her from her thoughts.
"What, Potter?"
"I just…have a good summer Evans."
"Oh, um you too, Potter. Was that all you wanted?"
"No, I wanted to…Go out with me Evans?"
"Oh, Potter I was really hoping we could break a record and go an entire week without you asking me out." Lily said with a rye smile.
"Well, you know me, I love tradition." James said with a laugh. "Maybe, I'll see you this summer Evans?"
"You live on the other end of the country, Potter."
"See you around, Evans", he said with a wink and then he stepped out of the compartment, sliding the door closed behind him, leaving Lily unsure of whether to feel happy, annoyed, or angry at Potter's presumptions.