Note: This story takes place after "Daisy." I specialize in angsty fanfic, so the period when Kid and Lou were broken up offered rich ground to explore. Please excuse a few liberties and improbabilities (like moving the Black Hills closer to Nebraska!). Usual disclaimers about ownership apply.

Katy's hooves kicked up a low cloud of dust as she thundered over the prairie toward the isolated waystation. Leaning forward in the saddle, Kid squinted as the squat buildings got closer. Even from this distance, Kid recognized the rider who dashed out of the bunkhouse at the hollered summons, "Rider comin'!" The young Virginian knew every line of that slim form, the small hand that reached up to secure a hat big enough to mostly conceal the delicate features beneath, the fluid swing up into the saddle of the mount that Jimmy had led from the barn.

Lou.

The sight of her was like reaching for a tall glass of cold spring water at the end of an eight-hour ride … and having that icy fluid dashed in his face as he remembered he no longer had the right to look at Louise McCloud that way.

Trying to ignore the sick feeling in his gut that accompanied the memory of his recent break-up with the woman he still loved, Kid shifted subtly in the saddle, preparing to hand off the mochila in the precise maneuver that had become second nature to all the riders after months of practice. But this time, as he brought Katy up next to Lightning, something was slightly off – in the split second that he held the leather bag toward Lou, he saw her reach out just a hair too far. The bag slipped through her fingers, and as he galloped past, Kid sensed, rather than saw, the girl lose her balance and tumble from her saddle. Katy's momentum had already carried her rider a few dozen yards before Kid could pull back hard on the reins, using more force on Katy than he would for anything other than anxiety for Lou.

Wheeling the horse around, he squeezed Katy's flanks with his knees, urging her into a run – only to pull up short again. Jimmy was already beside Lou, helping her to her feet, looking earnestly into her face, brushing the dust off her jacket with a concerned familiarity that made the blood pound in Kid's ears. Lou barely paused to catch her breath, disengaging herself from young Hickok and leaping back onto Lightning. She gave her horse a sharp dig with her heels and the animal immediately surged forward. Horse and rider passed within a foot of Kid and Katy, but Lou remained hunched forward, eyes focused on the trail ahead as if her former lover weren't even there.

Shoulders slumped and head down, Kid climbed off Katy's back and led her toward the stable. He heard Jimmy calling behind him, but ignored him as well as Buck and Cody, who just then ambled out from the paddock. The customary grin on Cody's face faded at the sight of Kid's grim countenance. Cody and Buck exchanged a quick, sidelong glance and veered in the opposite direction from their clearly ill-tempered "brother." In the weeks since whatever it was that came between Lou and Kid, the other riders had grown accustomed to the Kid's dark mood … and learned to avoid him whenever possible.

As usual, Kid lingered in the stable, brushing Katy, examining her carefully for any sign of injury after the punishing ride over rough terrain, and finally filling the oat bucket. He watched while his Painted beauty contentedly munched her feed. When the feeder was empty, Kid fished an apple out of his pocket and offered it to his sturdy companion. It occurred to Kid that Katy felt like the only real friend he had. The young cowboy heaved a heavy sigh at the thought. It wasn't true, of course; he knew his bunkhouse brothers, along with Rachel and Teaspoon, cared for him deeply … as he did them. But since leaving Virginia, and for a long time even before that, Kid had been a loner. He thought he preferred it that way – the solitary wandering, finding his own destiny. He wanted no part of the anger and violence that were his only real experience of "family."

Then he met Lou. As much as the acceptance of Teaspoon and the boys had given him a sense of belonging he'd never known before, it was Louise who taught him how it felt to care about someone else more than his own life. And it was from Lou that he learned how much a man could hurt, how deep a well loneliness could be.

He shook his head. It was wrong to lay his misery on Lou. It was his own fault. He'd been a damned fool from beginning to end – a fool when he took her to bed, knowing it \wasn't right; a fool when he allowed himself to dream of a future with her; a fool to let his pride push him away from her after she declined his proposal; a colossal fool to take up with that schoolteacher out of spite and hurt; and most of all, Kid knew himself a fool for continuing to pine for that little brown-eyed filly who still owned him heart and soul, but who he'd never have again. Watching Lou and Jimmy get closer as he stood on the sidelines was like a knife to Kid's chest. He was haunted by the memory of seeing the two of them in each other's arms and how the fear that washed over him nearly brought him to his knees. Terror that he was losing her had driven him to propose before either one of them was ready, and his damnable pride had prevented him from accepting her refusal with grace and patience.

Rachel had run the dinner bell twice before Kid trudged up to the house. He found the riders around the table, dinners half-eaten and deep in conversation about something that had Teaspoon shaking his head. Kid sat down silently. He acknowledged the full plate Rachel handed him with a slight nod and bent his head to his meal. Mired in his misery, he only half heard what the others were talking about so animatedly.

"Well, it's gonna make things damned ticklish for McNaughton," Teaspoon commented. Kid perked up his ears just a bit, recognizing the name of Teaspoon's counterpart at the Sand Springs station, far away in the Nevada Territory.

"I've crossed paths a time or two with that Breverton fella," Jimmy said. "I knew he was wild, but I never figured he'd end up at the wrong end of a pistol in a saloon fight."

Teaspoon grunted. "There's a reason I've told you boys to keep your noses clean and your boots in the stirrups. Now McNaughton's down a rider and he won't be easy to replace. That far west, things ain't so settled as they are here, and them's that are there are more interested in mining and whoring than risking their necks in Paiute country."

"Do you think McNaughton would take me on?"

All heads swiveled toward Kid, whose unexpected remark brought the conversation to a stunned standstill.

Teaspoon studied the young man carefully a moment, then drawled, "I reckon he might, son, if you didn't already have a job here."

Kid set down his fork and looked Teaspoon in the eyes. "I'd be more use in Sand Springs than I am here. Since Noah joined on, we've got plenty of riders here in Sweetwater."

"Aw, you're funnin' us, Kid," Cody blurted. "You wouldn't go work for someone else."

Kid ignored his friend's outburst. "Well, Teaspoon? Do you think I'd have a chance at that Sand Springs route?"

"You're known fer bein' a good, steady rider," Teaspoon answered. "I think any station master would be glad to take you on."

"I'd be obliged if you'd put in a word for me with McNaughton," Kid said.

Teaspoon nodded gravely. "If that's what you really want, Kid. Maybe you'd better think on it a spell. I don't know as I can promise to hold your spot here if you change your mind down the road."

"That won't be necessary, Teaspoon." Kid pushed his plate away and stood up. "It's time I was movin' on."

The sun was a blood-red ball dipping low on the horizon as Lou turned Lightning into the paddock to cool down and graze before putting him up for the night. Her hand-off to Buck had gone without a hitch, and the young man was already well on his way west, his familiarity with the land and keen senses making him the rider who most often took on the night runs at Sweetwater.

Lou pulled off her hat and ran a sleeve across her dust-begrimed forehead. It had been a long week since she'd accepted Kid's hand-off and departed for St. Joe. Hours in the saddle gave a gal a lot of time to think, and mile after mile what Lou mostly thought about was the Kid.

Things couldn't go on the way they were between them. Lou blamed herself for Kid's reaction to her refusing his proposal. She hadn't explained herself right, didn't make him understand why she said what she did. If he only knew how badly she had longed to tell him yes, throw her arms around his neck and let him kiss her senseless! But she couldn't; not yet. There were things Kid didn't know about her – things she wasn't sure she ever wanted him to know – and besides, she just wouldn't give up the life and job she loved to fit his notion of what a proper wife should be. She hadn't yet stored up enough to be able to take care of her brother and sister, for one thing. Mostly, though, she was unclear in her own mind how what happened in Redfern affected how Kid felt about her. Did he think less of her now, having proof she wasn't a "proper lady?" Lou felt her cheeks grow hot at the memory of Kid taking up with the new schoolmarm while her spot on his bedroll was practically still warm. How could he do that, if he really loved her?

It had hurt to see him with that genteel Southern lady, and even more to learn he'd fought a duel over her – risked his life for a woman he barely knew! Finding that out, Lou could almost forgive herself for getting close to Jimmy while they were on that run – almost. But deep down, she knew it was wrong to lean on Jimmy for comfort; she was aware of his feelings for her … feelings she could never reciprocate. Not feeling the way she did about Kid.

She loved him. The hardness that had sprung up between them hadn't changed how her heart cleaved to the young man with the chestnut curls, eyes like a summer sky and a smile that could make a girl forget to breathe. Lou ached to feel his strong arms around her, his soft lips pressed against hers. She could only hope that, with enough time, the Kid's anger and resentment toward her might fade. Perhaps he could even learn to care for her again.

The moon had risen by the time Lou finished seeing to Lightning and made her way wearily to the bunkhouse. The riders' quarters felt strangely quiet as she opened the door and stepped inside.

"Welcome back, Lou," Jimmy said in a low tone. He and Ike were at the table in the center of the room, playing cards. "Yeah, hey, Lou," Noah added from his bunk, where he lay reading a newspaper by lamplight. Ike, looking serious, gave her a nod. Buck was absent, having taken the mochila from her for the next leg of the westward run, and Lou knew Cody would be out on the east run. That just left …

Lou's eyes were drawn toward the bunk she shared with Kid, and was startled to see the bottom bed stripped down to the hay-filled cotton ticking. At the foot of the bed, the space for Kid's trunk, which contained the few possessions he had, was empty. A shiver of anxiety pulsed through the girl rider.

"Where's the Kid?" she asked in as steady a voice as she could muster. Her question was greeted with uncomfortable silence.

"Jimmy, where is he?" Lou crossed the room and grabbed Hickok's shoulder, turning him toward her. Reluctant to meet her gaze, he mumbled, "He's gone, Lou."

"What do you mean he's gone? Gone where?"

Noah sat up and swung his legs over the bunk. "Sand Springs, in Nevada Territory."

Lou's eyebrows knitted in puzzlement. "Clear to Sand Springs? That ain't even part of our division."

"He ain't in our division no more, Lou," Jimmy said. "He rides with McNaughton's boys outta Sand Springs station."

Feeling a sudden weakness in her legs, Lou backed toward the bunks and sat down on Kid's bare mattress. "'Til when?"

"I guess 'til he decides to up and leave that place, too." Jimmy affected an air of indifference, but Lou saw he was tense.

"Yer talkin' crazy! Kid wouldn't just leave like that."

"'Cept that's just what he did," Noah said. "Left the morning after you went on this last run."

Lou turned her attention back to Jimmy. "Why didn't you stop him? You know he's needed here!"

"I talked 'til I was blue in the face, and Cody did, too," Jimmy replied defensively. "You know things have been prickly between Kid and me lately. Why do you think he'd listen to anything I had to say anyway?"

Lou snatched up the hat she'd set beside her on the bed and headed for the door. Jimmy was instantly on his feet and placed himself between her and the exit. "Where you think you're goin', Lou?"

Miss McCloud placed a defiant hand on Jimmy's broad chest and gave a hard push. "I'm going after him, of course. Now get outta my way, Jimmy."

He grabbed her by the shoulders tight enough to pinch. "You can't do that. He left of his own accord, Lou. Sometimes a man's got to do what he's got to do."

Jimmy's sharp tone caused Lou's shoulders to sag and her gaze hit the floor. "I just don't understand it, Jimmy. Why? Why would he take off like that, without even a – a –" She fought to keep the tears out of her voice. "-goodbye? Did he say anything?" She looked up at the hot-tempered cowboy hopefully. "Leave some message for me?"

Hickok shook his head. "Sorry, Lou. You know how hard-headed he is."

Lou nodded. She did indeed know how stubborn and determined her lover – her former lover – could be. But she never imagined he would turn tail and run from the closest thing to a family he had … give that up to get away from her. Defeated, Lou pulled away from Jimmy and clambered into her top bunk. Wrapping her blanket around her, she thought she'd never experienced a feeling so cold and empty. And she knew this was just the first of every single night of the rest of her life without the Kid.