You lived your life like you were on fire
But how can I dance when your soul just lifted me higher and higher and higher?
Paint bleeds, ink runs, image of your love
Your memory, our history
(Why did you have to go?)
I'd give up my eyes to see you one last time
And I'd give all my fingertips to touch you
And I could paint you picture perfect even if I were blinded
but you have to die for me to see how to live
-Escape the Fate, Picture Perfect
It was hard to believe she was really gone. It wasn't like he had ever wanted it to happen; no, he had begged her, pleaded with her with every second he didn't have left to spare. He had wanted to save her life though he had known from the beginning of the end that it had been futile. It had been futile to hope that she would agree with him, and so he had agreed with her, if only to be able to know she was content with her decision. It wasn't like him, but her expression had pained him so much. Why was it that he had chosen that one moment to finally listen to her? She was so irrational. So, so irrational and had always let her emotions get the best of her.
And why had he let his emotions get the best of him? Why had he caved? Why had he agreed?
Minato fell to his knees, his hands falling onto the slab of stone before him. His blue eyes glittered with the tears he refused to shed. He was alone; so horribly alone at that one moment. Her name, which was carved upon the stone, seemed to stare up at him accusingly. Though he knew it was only his imagination, he had to close his eyes to the sight of her name. It was a bittersweet memory; love that was cut short far too soon. And for what?
He wanted to scream; there were so many pent up emotions inside of him that he knew, in his position, he could not let out. How long had it been since That Time? The villagers still looked to him for guidance; everyone still had tears in their eyes, much like he did. They felt his pain and he felt their pain. Their losses came together and mingled until everyone was bleary-eyed and left breathless, wondering why it had happened. And why had it happened? Minato leaned away from the grave and tilted his head back so he could stare up at the sky. His eyes narrowed against the bright light of the sun as he tried to see something that wasn't there. He wanted to see an answer, but there was no answer.
There was never an answer.
"Kushina," his voice broke and faltered as her name tumbled past his lips. "Please forgive me."
He fell forward again, his entire body shaking. How long had it been? Just how long since the last time he had been able to hold her hand, hold her against him and tell her just how much he loved her? He could still hear her voice, telling him that she loved him too. She would whisper it, so very quietly, almost as if she only wanted him to hear it. Almost as though it were their little secret. Her words would wrap around him like a caress and linger in the air, the sweetest eternal afterthought.
He could still remember the words she had said to their child, their newborn baby, on the night she had decided to give up on life so the two of them could live. Minato could remember the way her eyes glittered with tears of joy, not pain or sadness, as she told him how much she loved him. As she gave her best advice to Naruto before she took her last breath. And as time had passed, and Naruto grew, the questions started coming.
"Where's mommy?"
"Daddy, do I have a mommy?"
"Daddy, is this a picture of mommy? Why isn't she here?"
And with every question he asked it had gotten so much harder to give his son an answer. Minato just couldn't bring himself to say it, because the fact of the matter was that he had allowed Kushina to die. He had agreed with her when she had offered to reseal the kyuubi inside of her. He had fought, and she had fought, and ultimately, she had won. Kushina always won. And it was that time that he had wanted her to lose so badly. He wanted the two of them to live; Naruto and Kushina. How could a child live without the love of their mother? It wasn't fair.
"Minato, I've made up my mind," Kushina snapped, glaring at him. "You know that when I've made up my mind it's final." She turned her face away so she could look down at Naruto. Tears trailed down her blood-smeared face, but she was still smiling. "Please, please Minato. Just don't argue about my choice just this once. I can wait. You have given me so much happiness in this lifetime. I love you so much. There is no way I can thank you enough for the life you've given me."
"Kushina-"
"Minato, we don't have time." Her voice broke. "Just do it."
"I love you," he whispered, closing his eyes against the tears. If she were to look back at him he didn't want her to see him crying. He didn't want that to be the last thing she saw. "I love you so much, Kushina. And I'm so sorry. I don't want to do this."
"I love you, Minato. Truly. And I always will. Don't come after me soon; I know how to wait. Please live a long life for me; for Naruto. Especially for Naruto. Make sure he has someone to look up to, and don't forget to tell him that his crazy mother is watching over him."
He couldn't help but laugh. "I will try. For you and for him."
"That makes me very happy." She sighed, closing her eyes. "Good-bye, Minato. Good-bye, Naruto."
"Good-bye, Kushina…"