Disclaimer: I don't own Rookie Blue or the song My Immortal (Evanescence).
A.N. I heard this song and thought it would make a great fanfiction but I didn't want to kill any of the main characters. Then this popped into my head.
It might be a little confusing so: Bold lettering is the lyrics to the song. Italics is the past.
I hope you enjoy.
Luke got into his car. It had been a long day at work, finishing with Andy breaking up with him. He understood it, he really did. It was the same thing with all of the other rookies he had dated. 'Married to your job, don't have the time' etcetera etcetera.
Two blocks from the station, Luke realized that the silence was deafening. He was so used to having Andy in the car, either talking or fiddling with the radio, that the silence was like a knife cutting into him.
He turned on the radio and before he could change the station, a familiar voice began to speak. It took Luke a minute but then he remembered. Becca. For her, he would listen to what she had to say and then he would change the station.
"This is My Immortal by Evanescence. I'd like to dedicate this song to Livia. This song fits how I think your man is reacting. We miss you, both of you. Rest in peace Liv."
As soon as Luke heard the name 'Livia' he pulled over. While the DJ introduced the song again, Luke let memories take over him. After all of these years, Becca was still saying that she missed him? And she was still protecting him by not naming him on the air.
As the first strains of music filled the car, Luke thought back to the first time he met Livia.
Luke had been bounced from one foster care home to another, always making his way back to the orphanage at least once a year. This time, he had been in the orphanage for two weeks when the head of the orphanage knocked on the door. He really liked Miss Amy and always tried to please her so when she asked him to show Livia around, he quickly agreed.
The friendship of Livia and Luke remained strong throughout their stay in the foster care system. When one got sent back to the orphanage from their foster home, the other followed within three weeks. Luke was two years older than Livia and when he turned eighteen, he was given freedom. He made sure to stay near wherever Livia was situated. When she turned eighteen, she moved in with him.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
The lyrics brought him back to the present. To his surprise, tears began to fall. He was tired of living the life he was living. He wished that he would just be able to forget her, to move on with his life.
The invisible wounds he had because of her seemed to be always open, slowly bleeding out. It caused him so much pain.
Everyone said that it would heal with time, but the more time that passed the more pain he seemed to be in.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
Whenever Livia used to cry, Luke had been there for her. He had held her countless times when she had nightmares about her mother's death (the reason she was in the orphanage/foster care system). He had been there for her when she had to face her fears.
Through all of their years together, Luke had always been there for her to hold her hand. She had captured his heart and soul, completely.
As a musical interlude began, Luke found his thoughts wandering back to 'the early days'.
He didn't know what he wanted to do with his life. At one point when he and Livia were back at the orphanage, they had a discussion on the swings. Livia said she wanted to become a police officer, to protect people like her mother. Luke had argued that Livia's mother died in a freak shooting. After two days of fighting, Luke and gone to Livia and begged for forgiveness. She forgave him and then told him that she thought he should be a detective since he was always finding the minute details.
Luke didn't have a better plan, so he went along with Livia's plan. As he went through courses in university, he found that she was right; being a detective was his calling. After what he had seen and heard in the orphanage, he, together with Livia, decided to become a homicide detective.
Once again, the lyrics brought Luke back to the present.
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
Livia had captivated him from the beginning. She had such a positive feeling about her. She was the light at the end of the tunnel for him.
Even after she was gone, he was bound to this life she had chosen for him.
He couldn't sleep at night. Every night he would lay in bed and dream of her. It drove him to near insanity. Because of her, he earned the reputation of having a rookie every year. He would get close to a rookie and then they would hear him calling for Livia in his sleep. He still did it sometimes. Andy was the first rookie he had not done it by but he couldn't blame her for breaking up with him. He was married to his job; it was the only connection he had to Livia.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
Livia, he thought. He could tell himself relentlessly that she would never need tears wiped again or arms to hold and comfort her after a nightmare. Yet, he still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that she was gone forever. She was such a big part of him that he needed to constantly remind himself that he was alone; that she was gone forever.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
As a short musical interlude and the chorus came on again, Luke realized that his stroll down memory lane had taken him to her last day.
They had woken up late. Livia cursed as Luke watched her rush around the room. He didn't have to leave for another hour.
"What's the rush?"
"Becca's out today. They're pairing me with a rookie. I have to be on time."
Luke stood up and wrapped his arms around her. "Calm down." He kissed her slowly and sweetly. As she finished dressing, he packed her bag for her. Then he kissed her again and walked her out to her car.
Five hours later he was out working a homicide when someone called his name. He turned and saw Becca, Livia's friend from the Academy and permanent partner. "How's the day off coming?" he called to her as he slipped under the tape to go talk to her.
Becca smiled. "Fine. My mom had minor surgery today. I wanted to only take half a day but the staff sergeant told me to take the whole day just in case there were complications."
Luke glanced back. "Listen, I'm almost done here. Do you want to do lunch? I have something I want to ask your opinion about."
Becca looked at him. "Mysterious. Of course we can do lunch. I'll wait."
Ten minutes later, Luke led Becca to his car. They went to a small diner. Luke showed Becca the ring he bought for Livia. "Will she like it?" he was anxious to hear Becca's opinion and was glad he finally had the opportunity to catch her alone.
"Like Luke? She'll love it." She was about to say more when her phone began vibrating. She answered and her smile disappeared and her face turned white. "I'm with Luke. We're on our way." She shut the phone and pulled the car keys out of Luke's hands. "Liv was hurt. She and the rook were chasing a suspect and he shot at them." She couldn't bring herself to tell him that the bullet was one of the ones they were searching for; the ones that went through police vests.
Becca broke almost every law on the way to the hospital. When she and Luke arrived, she knew it was not good. Everyone parted to let her and Luke through.
Luke sat down next to the bed and held Livia's hand as he called softly to her. Livia's eyes fluttered open. She pushed through the pain and murmured "I knew you would come."
Luke gently kissed her forehead and used the pad of his thumb to wipe away the tears on her face. "Liv, sweetheart?" Her eyes fluttered open. "I know this is bad timing but Marry Me." He opened the box.
Livia nodded. She knew she would not survive but realized that Luke did not know yet. Had she lived, she would have married him in a heartbeat. She knew he was waiting until they had enough money to afford a house. Evidently they did, and now she regretted the fact that she did not tell him to screw the house and they would move when they could afford it.
The rest of the day was like a roller coaster ride for Luke. Livia had her ups and downs – times when it looked like she would pull through and times when they thought she was gone. He stayed by her bedside, comforting her when she cried out.
The hours passed. Eventually, only Luke, Becca and Rick (Becca's husband) remained by her bedside. And in the wee hours of the morning, she left them.
Luke hit his hands on the steering wheel. It wasn't fair that Liv was taken from him. He thought back and realized the significance of the day. It was the day that Liv and Becca found out that they were going to be permanent partners.
Luke wondered about Becca's message at the beginning of the song as he turned off the radio. After Liv died, Luke changed his cell phone number and cut all ties with Becca and her family. He couldn't bear to be around them. Was she saying they would welcome him back? Maybe it was what he needed; closure. Becca would be the one who could help him move on, not forgetting Livia but living his life normally.
A.N. Let me know what you think - reviews make my day.