Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any other recognizable works, despite how much I might wish for it.
A/N: The following is a work of fanfiction. I do not claim to be a professional. In fact, far from it but I do enjoy spinning a good tale. I have recently fallen in love with the Dramione ship and while I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, I hope that if you enjoy it you will let me know. Also, for those who may be waiting for me to finish my TWD story, Little Do You know, I'm working on it, I promise! I seem to have run into a block and despite how hard I push I can't break it down! It doesn't help that the caryl interaction was next to nothing on this last half season. But I digress. HUGE thanks to my fellow house mate/mommy friend, HufflepuffMommy for beta reading and helping me tweak things, and writing the summary and talking me down from the ledge and, and, and. Endless thanks lady! Now, on to the story! Enjoy! Also, WeasleyWeakness, I love you. Don't hate me for what I'm about to do.
Chapter 1- Of mourning.
Hermione sat on the small mound of earth, weaving her fingers through the grass as she let out a slow, long sigh.
"It's been three years." She said softly before she stopped. It was the first time in a long time that she could remember being at a loss for words.
An owl hooted in the distance and she took the time to look up at the dark sky. There was a time, she supposed, where she had longed to do something similar. Sitting with him, gazing at the stars, pouring out her heart.
She cleared her throat and looked back down, her eyes gazing but not entirely seeing as she continued.
"I'm a mess… I don't even know what I'm doing. The family, they help, they try. Godric knows I try but sometimes I just don't know if it's enough. And I'm so, so…mad. I'm cross with you for playing the hero, again. Why couldn't you have just waited. I'm angry at them. I'm just, so angry. And I know that if you were here you'd be scolding me for it, and I think- I think that's what hurts the worst. But I can't do this. I can't keep waiting on you. I can't…."
She trailed off as she plucked a piece of grass from beneath her fingers and idly started tearing it to shreds, the desire to destroy something so great within her that she couldn't breathe for fear of hurting someone. Something.
18 years. 18 years she had had him in her life. It seemed like such a short time in the grand scheme of things. Her life had only just started, only just begun when it was torn apart. It just wasn't fair. It would never be fair.
"I can't keep doing this either." She said out loud, the bitter edge in her voice not lost on her. "I can't keep keeping track of my life in time spent without you. I can't."
The owl sounded again and she sighed before she pulled herself up on her knees more, farther away from him.
"I don't know what you'd want from me. I just… I don't know. And that scares me more than anything else. The not knowing." She laughed sardonically, imagining his response to that. "I miss you but I have to do it. I have to move on… I have to let go. For them. For me."
She felt the tears on her cheek and she reached up to wipe them away before she pulled back and instead reached out, grasping the cold stone beneath her palm as she said goodbye to her best friend, her lover, her husband.
"I'm so sorry Ron." She whispered and she rested her hand there a moment before she breathed evenly and with one long, final look at the headstone she disapparated.
Hermione apparated directly into the living room and immediately she tensed.
She had been living here, under their roof for nearly three years. It had made sense, at first, for her to move in with the Weasley's, to raise her children in the burrow with her mother and father-in- law. Now however it was a painful reminder every time she walked through the door. The smell of laundry and freshly mown grass and Ronald just cut her deeper with each inhale and she missed him with every fiber of her being. She had begun to loathe the place, in her anger at him, and she couldn't do that. She wouldn't do that.
"'Mione?" Ginny's voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she turned to see her sister-in-law standing, staring at her worriedly.
Hermione looked at her then, really looked, and it seemed like the first time she had actually seen Ginevra Weasley Potter in years. Ginny met her gaze and her mouth opened in a perfect little 'o' shape and realization dawned on her.
"I just…" Hermione stuttered. "I need to go."
Ginny nodded. "Alright, I'll let mum know that you-"
"No." Hermione cut in. "We need to go. I need- We need to get out of here."
Ginny looked as though Hermione had slapped her and Hermione stepped forward, yearning to get upstairs. "You can't…"
Hermione stopped then, tears pricking at her eyes as she pleaded with her sister. "Please Ginny… I just want to get them and go."
"He wouldn't want this Hermione." She pressed on. "Ron wouldn't-"
"Don't you dare." She hissed. "Don't you dare tell me what he would or wouldn't want."
"He was my brother Hermione-"
"And he was my husband." She spat. "and I can't live in this house, with reminders of him day in and day out. I can't."
"Why now? After three years Hermione, why now?"
Hermione shook her head and looked at the woman before her. There was no way she would understand. No way she could understand. "I don't know."
"You can't just leave." Ginny implored.
"What would you do?" Hermoine asked vehemently. "If it were Harry, what would you do?"
Ginny opened her mouth, to either argue or deflect but was cut off by Harry's soft voice from behind her. "Let her go Gin."
Hermione met his eyes and saw her own emotions reflected back to her. Sadness, pain, loss. Only Harry couldn't leave.
"You can't be serious." Ginny said as Hermione threw herself past her and the redheaded witch rounded on her husband. "She's leaving Harry. She's going to take them with her."
"I know." Hermione heard the man answer softly as she reached the second floor landing and entered the small room and shut the door on the conversation below.
"Mummy?" Rose sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as Hermione threw things in bags left and right.
"Yes sweetheart?" She asked as she secured the rucksack and sat on the edge of the bed, helping Rose into her coat.
"Why was aunt Ginny yelling?" The girl asked before letting out a large yawn.
Hermione smiled as she smoothed her daughter's hair and then moved to wake the sleeping toddler on the other end of the bed. Both of her babies were their father's children through and through. "She's just upset darling. It's alright."
"Are we going somewhere mummy?" Rose asked as Hermione shouldered the bag and then lifted the stubbornly sleeping Hugo into her arms.
"Yes love." She replied and turned to open the door, gesturing for her daughter to follow her.
"Hermione." Molly Weasley cried when she saw the witch coming down the stairs, her arms full of sleeping child and hastily packed bags.
Hermione shook her head, trying to surpress the tears that were threatening her lashes as her mother-in-law pulled her into her shoulder, begging with her to stay.
"Mummy…" Hugo protested and Hermione smiled ruefully at him as she pulled away.
"Give Grandmum hugs now." Hermione commanded and allowed Hugo to leave her arms, still half asleep, as Molly attacked him with hugs and kisses.
"Be a good girl." Harry was saying to Rose, leaning into kiss her forehead lightly before she attached herself to his neck and he stood up, pulling the girl with him as he reached out to Hermione.
"Ginny?" Hermione asked and Harry shook his head.
"She'll be fine. She'll understand." Harry said against her forehead and she nodded, letting him hold her for a moment before she finally pulled away and reached out for Hugo once more. He leapt from his grandfather's arms and the trio made their way to the fireplace.
"Where will you go" Molly asked despondently and Hermione merely shrugged as she led Rose in with her, clutching her daughter to her side and her son in her arms.
With one final glance she tossed the floo powder, murmuring the only place she could think of as she watched her family disappear behind the green flames.
"Hermione?" Neville asked as he jumped up off of his couch, Hannah Abbot nearly falling over behind him at the movement.
"Oh. I'm so sorry Neville…." She started, as guilt and embarrassment flooded her. "I just thought of the first place I could…"
"No, no, come in. Please." Neville said quickly and he opened his arms just as Rose launched herself at him. "Are you okay?"
Hermione's eyes flitted toward Hannah on the couch and then back to Neville before she nodded. "We're fine. I shouldn't have… I'm so sorry."
"I was just leaving anyway." Hannah said quickly, standing up with a smile and moving closer to touch Hugo lightly on the nose before reaching out and kissing Neville on the cheek. "I have to get back or Rosmerta will have my head."
"Of course." Neville agreed with a smile and Hermione felt her heart tug lightly as she watched her leave. She turned back as Neville tickled Rose lightly on the tummy and then kissed her cheek and sat her down. "Let's go find a biscuit."
Rose, excited at the prospect of a sweet, hurried along and Hermione sat down their things on the hearth until Neville returned and gave Hugo a treat as well before directing them to some spare parchment he had lying around.
"I am so sorry Neville… I didn't even floo ahead, I just…"
"'Mione, stop." He smiled. "Is everything okay?"
She swallowed and nodded, blinking against the tears that threatened her vision before she explained herself. "He's everywhere there. I feel like I'm drowning Neville. I miss him, so much. But I'm angry, so angry. At him. At everyone. I just, I need to get out, to find myself."
"Is that why you left the ministry?" Neville asked quietly and she nodded stiffly. She knew leaving the cushy ministry job had been a risk. She hadn't thought twice about it though when she told them she was leaving.
"They're dedicating a monument to him."
"To you too." Neville smiled sadly and Hermione felt her lips purse.
"The golden trio…"
She trailed off, letting the heavy weight of all they had lost hang over them before Rose and Hugo started arguing over one thing or another and then Rose pushed Hugo who proceeded to burst into tears as Hermione rushed to him.
"Rose." She admonished her daughter, picking up the sobbing toddler.
The girl shrugged but reached over to pat her brother's head and give him a toothy grin. Her heart stopped as she looked at her daughter, so much like her father that it hurt and she turned to Neville who seemed to notice the same thing as he turned, nodding at her. "Stay here as long as you need."
"She's hurt Hermione…" Harry said softly, squeezing her hand as they walked down the road, the children bouncing along in front of them as they snacked on the Honeyduke's sweets Uncle Harry had bestowed upon them.
"I understand that but…"
Harry raised a brow, "We're talking about the same Ginny right? Do you seriously not know her?"
Hermione smiled at that one, remembering the girl from long ago that didn't take anyone's shit and was quicker with a bat bogey hex than she was a library index. "Yes, of course you're right. She's your wife after all."
Harry laughed as he let go of her hand to pull her against his side. "She'll come around. She always does. She just… needs time to process this. It was a bit of a shock. I mean, you do realize you could have told someone right? You could have told me."
She bit her lip as she looked at her best friend then, noting the lines that had settled on his face. Stress, worry, the pain of losing so many of his loved ones, it had all taken its toll. "I know, I do, and I am sorry. I just- I wasn't even sure what I wanted. I… I still don't."
"Mummy." Rose said, tugging on Hermione's sleeve. "Can we look at the owls?"
"Not right now love." Hermione answered with a small smile before turning back to Harry.
"Well, whatever you do want, we'll be behind you one hundred percent. Just… tell us."
"I will." She promised quietly. "I am sorry Harry."
"I know." Harry said, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "Me too."
And she knew that he wasn't just talking about the argument, or his wife. He was talking about so much more. She swallowed against the lump that was quickly forming in her throat as she blinked against the wetness in her eyes and looked away from her friend.
"Rose?" She said, her voice rising as she noticed her daughters absence. "Hugo, where is your sister?"
Hugo shrugged as he continued to lick his lolly and her heart rate increased as he pulled herself out of Harry's grasp. "Rose?"
"It's okay Hermione; she probably just went to look at the owls." Harry assured her. "I'll go look."
She allowed that as she scooped Hugo up in her arms and moved off to the side of the street, watching Harry's back until he disappeared around a corner and fighting the urge to run screaming through Hogsmeade until she found her daughter.
The minutes ticked on and she fidgeted as she stood under the alcove for Gladrag's Wizardwear watching the crowd for either Harry's return or her daughter's mess of red hair.
"Granger." She startled at the voice, turning around to come face to face with Draco Malfoy, a man she hadn't seen in years. "Does this belong to you?"
She gasped as she followed his gaze down to see her daughter staring sheepishly up at her from where she stood directly in front of Malfoy. She didn't think twice as she hit her knees, pulling her daughter against her and burying her face in her hair.
"Rose. You scared me to death." She finally admonished.
"I'm sorry mummy. I just wanted to see the owls."
"I told you we would take you to see the owls, next time you'll wait for mummy right?"
Rose nodded as her bottom lip trembled and Hermione reached out to pull her in for one last hug before she straightened up to her full height.
"Thank you so much Malfoy. I-"
"'Mione!'" she turned as Neville raced up, his face red and his eyes wide as Harry followed closely behind. "Oh, Rose!"
Rose launched herself at Neville, large fat tears already rolling down her cheeks as Hermione turned back to Malfoy. She tensed as she saw that the neutral expression he had worn moments ago was gone, replaced instead by a look she could call nothing but loathing.
"Just keep better tabs on your children. I presume her father wouldn't care to hear that you had lost one of his heirs. Though, with the amount of children I'm sure the Weasley family already has.."
"Hey!" Harry cut in, moving forward to stand in front of Hermione, his posture defensive and Neville set Rose down, nudging her towards Hermione as he too moved to stand toe to toe with the blonde.
"In any case, I must be going." And without another word, Draco turned back and disappeared into Gladrag's.
"Git." Harry spat and then turned, his eyes wide. "Uncle Harry didn't say that."
"Yes you did." Rose argued and Neville sniggered slightly as they started to move out of the shops way and back into Hogsmeade.
As Hermione finished up her shopping, bidding good-bye to Harry and promising to not give up on his wife, she couldn't get Malfoy's face out of her head. Because before the men had showed up, he had almost seemed… concerned.
She shook her head of the thought. There was no way that Malfoy was capable of such emotion. If Ron had had the emotional range of a teaspoon, she wasn't sure there was a measurement small enough for the slytherin.
And just like that, her thoughts drifted back to her husband once more. As she drifted off to sleep that night, she could have sworn she heard his laughter.
A/N: I have a thing for sweater vests so Neville is my bae. Don't try to talk me out of it. Have I mentioned that this story is done? Written and ready to go. Also, I have trouble deciding whether to use Disapparating or Apparating. Meh.