Author note: this is technically the second chapter of Every Time it Rains, but I posted it as a separate story because it is a one shot. Yes it's a songfic as well. The song made me think of how I think Meredith would feel seeing Derek and the line "Tell me why these roads keep leading, leading you right back to me" made me think Meredith the most so that is why I chose it. Bold is lyrics, normal is the story.
Meredith's POV
Can't see you anymore
You're in, and shut the door
Didn't know what I do know now
With words I've been betrayed
You respond and let them fade
And I just won't let you bring me down
I walk out to see Derek standing in my front hallway. He sighs when he sees me and I think back to the last time that he had been here, back when I thought he was going to sign the divorce papers. But now I know that having his marriage was more important to him, and it makes me wonder why he is here and not off at home with his wife.
You can see what I know and I know
Somewhere there's a sorry heart
I walk towards him as I know I can't put off talking with him, as I should have guessed he would want to make sure I was ok, at the very least. He must have felt obligated, since he broke my heart and felt a little bad about it. Or I hoped he did.
Tell me why these roads keep leading
Leading you right back to me
I keep thinking about how I use to think that there was a small chance that he would have chosen me and not Addison; but even though he chose her, he still wants me to be waiting just in case he changes his mind. And after today, I can't say for sure that I wouldn't go back to him if he wasn't married anymore. So I decide to break the silence. "Hey."
Liar liar, don't cry on my shoulder
You played with fire
And smiled when you told her
Oh, oh, thought you were someone
Oh, oh goodbye to no one
"Hey," He says quietly. "You almost died today."
"Yeah, I almost died today." I saw his eyes had tears in them. Not an overwhelming amount, but they were there. He looked at me for a moment, and then opened the door to start walking out of it without a word otherwise.
So break away the touch
Of bliss you miss so much
But I won't tell you to come back home
Emotions dissipate;
Is love designed to hate?
Keep on driving away from here
"I can't…" He turns around to look at me. "I can't remember our last kiss. All I could think about is I'm going to die today and I can't remember our last kiss, which is pathetic, but the last time we were together and happy, I want to be able to remember that. And I can't Derek." He looked like he was thinking and all I wanted to say to him was 'stay here with me', but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't have him stay with me because I couldn't say the things I wanted to say to him, none of them being goodbye.
Eye the rain as it falls in your hands
Will there be another storm?
"I can't remember." I say again, hoping that he won't freak out at me about him being married or something. I don't want to fight with him, I just want to remember.
Tell me why these roads keep leading
Leading you right back
I want to remember and move on I guess. Or at least be happy, but I know that my heart will long for Derek for a period of time that is not close to being over anytime soon. My heart keeps leading me back to him, because it wants him and only him.
Liar liar, don't cry on my shoulder
You played with fire
And smiled when you told her
Oh, oh, thought you were someone
Oh, oh goodbye to no one
"I'm glad you didn't die today." He says and I almost want to freak out, even though my body can't physically handle that.
I don't need to know you'll be there
You're not on my mind
I don't need to know you care
Please don't waste my time
If he doesn't even acknowledge what I said then why do I still want him? Why can't I move on as he seemed to do already? Why does it hurt so much? Even more then the fact that I almost died today? I hoped I wasn't wasting my time on him, though it seemed I was.
Liar liar, don't cry on my shoulder
You played with fire
And smiled when you told her
He starts to leave once more and I almost feel like I have been rejected again. He didn't even care that when I almost died all I wanted to was remember being happy with him. Not with one of the other guys I had been with, HIM and only him. I drop my gaze from the door and turn to walk back to my room and curl up again. One thing makes me stop dead in my tracks.
Liar liar, don't cry on my shoulder
You played with fire
And smiled when you told her
Oh, oh, thought you were someone
Oh, oh goodbye to no one
Oh, oh, thought you were someone
Oh, oh goodbye to no one
"It was a Thursday morning. You were wearing that ratty little Dartmouth T-shirt you look so good in. The one with the hole in the back of the neck. You'd just washed your hair and you smelled like some kind of flower. I was running late for surgery. You said you were gonna see me later and you leaned to me, you put your hand on my chest and you kissed me. Soft. Was quick, kinda like a habit. You know, like we'd do it every day for the rest of our lives. You went back to reading the newspaper and I went to work. That was the last time we kissed." I couldn't believe he actually remembered and that he cared enough to tell me. He stated to walk out the door.
"Lavender. My hair smelled like lavender from my conditioner." I say since he helped me remember. He turned and looked at me for a moment, before talking again.
"Lavender. Huh." And he walked out the door, even though all I wanted to do was walk over and wrap my arms around him.