*Le disclaimer* I don't own Harry Potter (WHAAT?) or the Alesana lyrics.

Installment I

"Maybe I am crazy, and my mind is trying to deceive me…"

My back started to knot up from sitting hunched up at the broken Slytherin house table. Or whatever table it was. Nothing was where it was supposed to be anymore.

I could feel Mother's breath on the nape of my neck. She hadn't released her death grip on my elbow since she'd found me aimlessly wandering the deserted classroom corridors. Her face was white as a sheet, and for the first time in my life I saw worry lines and crow's feet etched into her pale complexion. Still no laugh lines.

Mother kept glancing around anxiously. Never liked being judged, did she? Her actions were quite the contrary to Father, who you could only tell was inhaling and exhaling by close examination. His hands were clasped in his lap, but loosely. He was almost reptilian, as he hadn't moved so much as an inch in ten minutes.

I was leaning on one elbow on the table, rubbing my temple with one hand and clutching at my chest with another. What's it like to have everything you know snatched out from under you?

Oh, that's right, you wouldn't know, would you?

You've never had to deal with your cold-blooded aunt visiting just after she'd broken out of prison, and watching her almost strangle your father for not being faithful. You didn't have to attempt to kill someone at 16, under the threat of your family being murdered. You've never had to deal with your family being on the wrong side from the beginning, and never having a choice between what is good or bad.

But are we acceptable now? I can't decide. Mother lied to the Dark Lord. To find me? So she's good now. Fine.

But me? I know I'll be stuck in this limbo my entire life. I still tried to protect whatever it was that Potter wanted in the Room of Requirement. He saved my life. But all I did was try to return to what I knew.

My head was pounding. Too many thoughts and concerns and worries and emotions at once. Not used to that.

I shook off Mother and stood up abruptly. I needed to be alone.

She immediately turned her attention back to me, panicked. There was something else in her expression I wasn't able to name.

"Just… Need some air." I told her evasively. She had risked everything to try to save me after all. I wasn't just going to let her know that the way she was acting was making me sick.

I tried my best not to look like a sulking child as I swept past the exultant friends and families celebrating the fall of the Dark Lord together. I made sure not to look anyone in the eye or even close as I whisked by them.

Their losses weren't my fault. They had never been my fault.

I could have made everything worse.

I protected Potter when he, the ginger and the mudblood had stumbled into my house after all! I could have just thrust him to Bellatrix. He owed me. Yeah. That's right. I didn't owe him anything after that. And after what I did, he still took my wand!

I shot a furtive glance over to where Potter had been sitting with that airhead, Lovegood. It was his fault I had nowhere to go. My mother risked her life for him! Potter was always fond of attention, wasn't he? I'm sure he was just basking in his little limelight.

But he wasn't sitting with Loony anymore. There were still small huddles scattered across the Great Hall. I'm sure he was in one of them, letting all of his admirers fawn over him. Potter. Always craving attention. And worse, always getting it.

I paused at the entrance of the Great Hall, pressing my hand against the icy marble.

Everything was about to change.

"As the ground vanishes I wonder; will the sky be the next to fail me?"

First Harry Potter FF! Whoo! Thank you so much for reading :) And if you have the chance, a review would be greatly appreciated!

The next installment (I'm projecting it to be three or four total) will be ready maybe tomorrow!