DISCLAIMER-I do not own any of these characters, Although I love them heart and soul they belong to Stephanie Meyer, a truly talented writer, I am only working with that she has already given.
I was broken; nothing was going to change that.
He left me broken to the point that I clutched my sides every night. To where I couldn't eat, I was empty and hurting. It hurt when I said his name it hurt to remember them everything reminded me of what I had when I thought he loved me. What really hurt the most was being so close to him... And watching him walk away, knowing that it couldn't even be my fault, never knowing what could have been. I used to long to be like him. To be a vampire the word registered and I could slowly feel the pain. It was like being cut over and over again, like someone taking something you never really had. Working at the Newton's was also another hard part of going on, which I mostly only did for Charlie and Renee's sake, I spent it doing nothing but thinking. There was not much else to do. "Bella?" Mike looked confused. I wondered what it could be, "I was wondering what your doing this Friday?" how could I have wondered mike had been asking me this since the first week I had moved to forks.
"going down to la push..maybe some other time" my usual answer for mike, he looked sad his lips pulled down in what almost looked like a pout, If he really thought that was going to win me over.. Sadly it wouldn't. Mikes question brought me on to forget or at least push back the thoughts of the past. Jacobs's wide smile flashed before my eyes, just thinking about Jake made me smile. He was my safe harbor. The only thing that somehow seemed to help me get threw the day was knowing that I would get to see Jake. I know things were difficult with Jake, but we knew what it was on the inside and that's what mattered, and if it happened to be anything more… he would want me to be happy right? Like the way I wanted Jake to be happy.
He left me he didn't want me, no matter what he didn't love me like I would always love him the ache would always exist, I don't think I could ever be whole again. But Jacob was the closest thing I had to being whole right now, And no matter which way I wanted Jake in. I needed him right now, and as long as he wanted me there I would be. I must have been out of it for a while because mike said that I could go leave. I said goodbye to Mrs. Newton and mike and left for my truck. I went straight to la push without even thinking the same routine I followed every day usually. I pulled up to find Billy in the curtains no doubt my truck had given me away as usual. Jake was out the door within seconds, I got out of my truck with a loud thud as the door slammed shut. "Hey bells" his face lit up into my favorite smile his white teeth gleamed against his tan skin. "Hey Jake did you ever think about being in a crest commercial?" his smile grew sarcastic and he replied "no I haven't thought about it but thanks for mentioning it" He crushed me into one of his bear hugs the same welcome I received daily, then lightly put me back on the ground "what do you want to do today?" I hadn't ridden my bike in a long time.. And I also hadn't heard his voice in so long. It made me sick to think that I almost needed it, like always Jacob was my sun, healthy and glowing and Edward.. Was my drug someone I needed .His eyebrows pulling up into questioning me silently this time "Could we ride our bikes we haven't in so long."
He seemed cautious for a moment and then seemed to go back to his happy glowing self. "sure"
The thing about Jake was I could be myself well my younger self, I felt free to do whatever when I was with him. It was comfortable everything about Jake was. We walked back to the little garage where his rabbit was with our bikes hidden behind it. We loaded them up and off we went to the usual spot.
I was glad I had this with Jake. I liked that it was our thing I also liked that I could hear my velvet voice too. " how was work" he asked casually putting his arm behind me. I slid over to be closer to him. It was a little cold outside today, but better then the usual weather lately in forks. Another thing about Jake was he was always warm, I loved the feel of his bare chest he was so soft, before I could continue thinking such ridiculous things about my Jake we had stopped "were here bells" I guess I must have looked asleep or something he lifted me out like a baby and then went to get the bikes. I was excited it had been so long, I knew I would hear him I was eager and Jacob was being so slow. "Bells"
I looked over to see Jacob looking worried like he had done something bad "what?" I was honestly confused by the way he was looking at me. "I don't know about this..." what? What did he mean we did this all the time? "What do you mean?" "Well I just don't think we should something doesn't feel right. And I don't want you to get hurt"
I won't get hurt...Well i wont try anyways. He looked like he was debating it for a moment.
"Ill be safe I promise Jake" he looked at me with those big brown eyes, how your own best friend could have such a strange hold over you I didn't understand. "okay okay just be careful" We got on our bikes together "you remember everything right?" he went over this every time "yes jake I know all the gears and the brakes" I was on the bike and I didn't hear him? I pressed the gas a little and I still didn't hear him, Jake was way ahead of me already, I pressed as hard as I could I needed this, I needed to hear him, My hair flew back and I was going to fast it hurt, I was caught up to jake in no time, I could feel the tears which felt like I was crying glass from the speed, The loud whimper I made and then the sudden turn. Right into Jacobs bike.
okay okay please review this, criticism is needed be brutally honest, I will work with whatever you would like to give me. Things you would like to happen even, I'll update very often I know what its like to wait to read something!