Author's Note: Okay, so I started writing this 200+ days ago...and then I lost it. Then I found it in The Archives! So, here it goes (and I know I suck at posting and updating). Also, I have another one shot I found-unfinished as well-and hopefully, I will have that up soon. If you're following any of my other stories, I haven't forgotten about any of them, and none of them will be abandoned or left unfinished. I'm working on chapter three of Past The Meadow Brook, but I've yet to find any inspiration for Just Give Me A Reason or You Are In Love, so those might take a while. This is set after the gang makes it to Camelot and brings Emma back to Storybrooke-as I'm assuming they will do in the show, but I shall take liberties for any history I make up based on what I do not yet know. I just don't think Emma is ever going to be the same after being the Dark One, no matter how long she was the Dark One, she's different now. She'll never be the same. She's changed.I hope you like it. I apologize for any pain caused by the angst that will happen. I am truly sorry. Listen to Swans by Unkle Bob while you read for the full effect of angst. Or don't, that may just be too cruel.
Also, thank Grey's Anatomy and real life devil Shonda Rhimes (you kill my babies, you get called a devil) for title and story inspiration. Swans, is the song (fitting, I know right?) by Unkle Bob from season three, episode seventeen, when Denny and Izzie "touched". *sobs* Kay, bye for now. Haha.
P.S. This was written PRIOR TO the fall premiere. Some nods to it, perhaps, but no exact season five plot line or history. (Also, can you spot the Star Wars reference? It just may kill you).
Disclaimer: I own nothing-save for this plot line and my make believe Camelot history-and if I did, Killian would have had a chance to say "I love you" back in Operation Mongoose. SERIOUSLY, A&E, THERE WAS AN AMPLE AMOUNT OF TIME! AMPLE! IT IS ONLY EIGHT LETTERS! Sorry.
Swans
You Tell Me That You Love Me, But You Never Want To See Me Again
The night is dark, yet the stars shine brightly through that darkness, illuminating the sky.
But Emma Swan's jade eyes shine brighter than them all.
After returning to Storybrooke from the confusing disarray of morality and deception that was Camelot, she's been keeping her distance. From him, from her parents, from her son. From everyone she cares about and who care about her in return.
The darkness is gone, she's herself again.
And yet...she is not.
And he cannot fathom why.
When he spots her from the deck of his beloved ship at the edge of the dock, looking out over the water, he moves to go toward her. He's hardly seen her in these past five days and he needs answers. He needs to know why she's so distant.
There is no darkness left within her, though she is not herself.
She's even less of herself than she was when the darkness was inside of her.
So he needs to understand why.
He approaches her as one would a frightened animal; slowly, cautiously.
"You can cut the predator stalk. I know you're here." She calls out as he reaches her. He stops in his tracks as she turns to face him. "You are really terrible at sneaking up on someone. I expected more, given that you are a pirate. I guess just not a very good one, huh?"
He ignores the superficial insult and replies, "Emma, what's wrong? I want to know why you've been pulling away from me. From everyone."
She narrows her gaze at him and steps closer until they're toe to toe, face to face. "You want to know why I'm pulling away from you?" She asks, raising a perfectly sculpted brow.
"Yes." He breathes, his eyes darting back and forth, searching hers.
She lets out a heavy sigh, closing her eyes and shaking her head as she takes a step back from him. "Why do you think, Killian?" She asks, her stance weary and her eyes pleading. "The darkness."
"But we rid you of that."
"Yes. Yes, it's gone, in the technical sense, but it lingers. I was the Dark One, Killian. When we returned from Camelot, I wanted to tell you I'd changed, that everything was okay. I wanted everything to be okay, for it to go back to normal, but I'm different. I'm different now." She gives a small shake of her head, raising a hand and running it through her hair.
"Emma, I've fallen victim to the darkness as well. I know it's not an easy foe to vanquish, but-
"You know nothing of darkness." She interrupts through clenched teeth, her eyes blazing. He clamps his open mouth closed. "You fell victim to the same darkness that runs through everyone, courses through the veins of all mere mortals, but I, I took on all of the potential darkness within myself, and the darkest forces that linger the world, all encased in a tiny, powerful dagger. I was darkness. Not just a woman lost, but darkness incarnate. You couldn't possibly understand what I've gone through. No one can. Well, except Rumpelstiltskin. He's the only person alive who could possibly understand what I've been through." She takes a deep breath to center herself, and breaks eye contact. He steps forward and reaches for her.
"Emma, I'm sorry, I didn't-"
"And I don't blame you. It's not your fault, you have nothing to be sorry for. It's not as if you've ever been the Dark One, so how could you possibly understand? It's unfathomable.
"But I-I realize now that I could never again be what you want, what everyone wants me to be-my parents, Henry, the town, you. I've undergone something so traumatizing and intense and inexplicable that I can't go back. I can't be Emma Swan, the Savior anymore. I'm no longer a mother, daughter, sheriff, savior, friend, love. I am Emma Swan, the former Dark One. I'm always going to be haunted by that ghost of my past. Whether it's whispers on the street, lingering glances, or the dreams that plague me, even now.
"I'm too broken." She finishes with a pathetic little shrug, her brows furrowed together in her clear anguish.
"Emma, you're not too broken. You've never been too broken. I can help you, I love you. Please just let me in." He pleads with her, hurriedly, desperately.
"But you can't. I have to go. I can't stay here and be a reminder to everyone of what they've lost, what I've done to them. I have to leave."
"What do you mean?" He asks quickly, his voice rising in his anxiety and fear.
"I'm going to go back to New York." She states quickly, quietly.
"No. No, Emma, Emma no. You can't leave. Please. Please, don't leave." He begs her, his hand catching her wrist as if to physically keep her here, with him. But she wrestles it from his grasp and pulls away from him, taking two steps back.
"I have to go, Killian. And you have to let me. It's the only way."
"It is not the only way, Emma, we can find another way. We can get through this. It doesn't have to end this way, Emma please."
And somehow, he knows that pleading with her is futile. Her mind has been made, and his love is a stubborn creature by nature, ghosts of darkness past or not. But he can't help it. He loves her. He's in love with her, and he can't just let her go without a fight. He can't just let her leave him.
(But somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows she already has.)
She stiffens suddenly-a defense mechanism he's become quite acquainted with when it comes to Emma Swan-and her gaze turns stony. As if she wants to hurt him in order to force him to let her go.
(As if he ever could, for he knows that even if she leaves him, he'll never let her go. Never stop loving her, wanting her.)
"You once told me you were done with me," she states slowly, softly, and yet her voice is clear as the ocean on a summer morn. She arches her right eyebrow at the same moment in which she shrugs her shoulders. "Just as I am now done. With you."
His face crumbles and he reaches for her, her name a broken, strangled whisper on his lips, "Emma,". She rebuffs his advances, and turns her body away from his just before he can catch her hand.
"I love you." She lets out in a puff of air, chuckling slightly on the last syllable. She still has not turned to face him completely, but her head is slightly turned, facing the sea, and he can make out her glorious profile in the slight illumination of the moon. "But I can't...I never want to see you...again. I just-I can't. I'm sorry." She turns her head quickly, but not before he catches the tears leaking from her eyes.
It tears clean through his very soul, sharper than a wound inflicted from any blade.
"I never want to see you again." She whispers, and this time, it sounds like a promise-one that she is making to herself, rather than to him, it appears.
"I love you." He calls after her, his voice breaking and tears freely pouring from his eyes as his heart shatters completely, this moment in his life hurting worse than any other pain he's ever felt. The love of his life, his soulmate, his true love, his second chance, his best chance-is walking away from him. Forever.
He had it all, until it slipped from his grasp.
This time, she turns to face him completely. He can see the utter devastation on her face-mirroring his own, most likely-even as she tells him that she's ending it. That she's leaving him.
And, didn't they almost have it all?
Almost.
A watery and heartbreaking smile twists her lips, as she replies, "I know.", her voice breaking on a choking sob.
She turns away from him, walking away swiftly, the heels of her boots clacking loudly on the docks. Each step she takes, furthering the distance between them, shattering another piece of his heart.
When she leaves, he knows that this is it. The end. She's not coming back. His Emma is gone.
And she's never coming home again.