A Change of Heart?

Set after 4th September 2007, the episode of the attempted rape. From Jac's POV. Please review x

It really was what they call 'one of those days.' I'd felt a whole whirlwind of emotions that day, and not in an enjoyable way either.

I honestly could not believe my eyes when I saw Graham Lawrence on my ward. The last time I saw him, he'd been an acne-infested teenager, teacher's pet too. But seeing him today, gosh he was a sight for sore eyes. Transformed into a gorgeous hunk! Then he asked me to meet him after my shift; how could a lady possibly resist such a tempting offer?

I must admit I didn't see this coming. Normally I can sniff out a vile man from a mile off but on this one occasion, I guess lust crowded my judgment. He simply wanted to humiliate me in the same way as I did when we were kids. We were just kids! I couldn't believe he'd hold a grudge over something as ridiculous as playground teasing for so long. If I'm totally honest, the reason I did it was to save my own skin. I was brought up in a 'bully or be bullied' atmosphere, so I opted for the school bully lifestyle. I admit that if I had been in Graham's shoes, I probably would have been to exact my revenge, no matter how deep in the past it had been. Revenge is a dish served cold, a motto close to my heart really. It's a terrible way to live a life but in this day and age, you have to live that way to get somewhere. I've never been the type of girl who lets people use her as a doormat.

But what's done is done, he's gotten his revenge and that's that. That chapter of my life, and his, has been written and closed for good. I admit it felt strange and also painful being on the receiving end of the taunts and the ridiculing, I guess that's what they call a taste of your own medicine. But I'm not one to dwell on situations such as these; you can't afford to be a dweller in a job like mine. People walking in and out of your life constantly, I don't generally give them a second thought.

I admit I felt something different today though, with one particular patient. I usually don't form an opinion of a patient, it's safer not to. But there was something eerie about this bloke. He was laced with charm, making it obvious to me that there he was bad news. I'd seen smiles like his before, trying desperately to hide something, a smile that didn't quite reach his cold, emotionless eyes. He acted the victim, played it well, but the emotion plastered on his face was simply an act, in my opinion. But in this job you have to learn to treat people equally, however unfair you think it may be, you just have to keep up a charade of smiles and care. After all, at the end of the day, it'll all be a distant memory.

Just another one of those days I'd rather forget, I kept telling myself, go home as you normally do and unwind, like every other day. But this guy, Alan, kept playing on my mind. There had been something odd, almost frightening, about him. I couldn't quite put my finger on it though.

Out of the blue. From nowhere. He was just…there. Ready to pounce on his prey. I had been selected as his prey. I'm a tough cookie but for the first time in a while, I was terrified. Terror seized my body, every inch of me paralysed with fear. I tried to open my mouth, call for help, but no sound escaped. I was about to be attacked and I couldn't do a thing to stop it.

What the hell are you saying Jac? You're a strong, feisty woman. You're not going to just take this, fight back, a voice from somewhere was yelling at me. And it was right. I booted him right where it hurts and he fell to the floor, in excruciating pain I should imagine. Come on Jac, this is the time to escape, you're not going to suffer at the hands of a violent rapist, you're stronger than that, that same voice was screaming at me and yet I was frozen to the ground with shock.

I've never been a great fan of her attitude and approach to patients but she really did save my life that day. Lola Griffin. Okay so I could throttle her for not voicing her fears about Alan, she had had her suspicions that he could be dangerous but kept it to herself, but she still saved my life. I never thought I'd see the day I'd need help from Lola Griffin! But she was there when I needed someone the most.

Again, I was on the receiving end of abuse and it really hit home. I'm not saying it completely changed my outlook on life, but I did make me think. Humiliation, pain, abuse. It's not big or clever. Ok so bribing someone for something, in my case usually a promotion, may get you places and take you higher in life, but what kind of person does that make you? A bully. A cheat. A liar. A vindictive, vicious, abusive, destructive person.

A person just like me.