DISCLAIMER: If you recognize it, it doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Tolkien

A/N: Imagine the twins around the same ages as human three year olds.

May the Valar protect us

"NO, Elladan! Not the-" Elrond's tablecloth fell to the floor -- along with the dishes. Lord Elrond stared in disbelief at the picture of utter chaos his eldest offspring had managed to create. How DID Celebrian put up with them? He found himself envying his wife and her trip to Lothlorien as he tried to grab Elladan's hand.

Elladan of course, did not agree with this idea, and elected to bite his father. This of course resulted predictably. "Ai Elladan!." Elrond shrieked, and then dropped Elrohir on the floor.

Elrohir, like most elflings, did not appreciate being handled in such a way. After true fashion, he began to wail.

Elrond stood helplessly, watching his two children wail and cause destruction respectively. He felt a bit like crying himself. How DID Celebrian do it? Sighing, he bent to pick up Elrohir - when he felt something sharp poke him in the back. He turned to see Elladan playing with one of the dinner knives that had fallen to the floor along with various other items.

"No, Elladan, drop the knife."

"No." It was one of the few words he knew.

"Elladan....."

"NO!"

Elrond winced and covered his ears. Elrohir had still not stopped crying and Elladan was holding the knife menacingly.

Elrond sent a prayer to the valar (the fifth in the last three minutes) and attempted to use diplomatic reasoning on the stubborn child. Key word: Attempt.

"Elladan, you must drop the knife. It is a danger to me as well as a danger to you, your brother.." He wanted to add 'and the rest of Arda' but thought that would have been inappropriate under the circumstances. Besides, Elladan wasn't even listening to him.

Elladan was busy terrifying invisible orcs with his new sword. A weapon known to the general populace of Imladris as the butter knife. Elladan swung. Elrond jumped back. Elrohir had stopped crying and was watching the antics of his brother and father with wide open eyes.

Meanwhile, Glorfindel and Erestor watched from the doorway of the dining hall, shaking their heads at Elrond's hopeless inability to control his children.

"Do you think we should help him mellon nin?" Glorfindel asked Erestor as calmly as though they were both sitting in Erestor's study.

"Nay," Erestor replied. "This is a good learning experience for him. It's not fair that Celebrian should have to put up with them all the time."

"True." Glorfindel considered the scene for a moment, cocking his head thoughtfully. "However, if Elladan or Elrohir get their hands on anything flammable, then we will intervene."

"That sounds like a good plan." Erestor agreed. They both turned and continued to watch the Lord of Imladris trying to reason with his son.

"ELLADAN! Put the knife down! No, don't throw it across the.... Room." He finished with a sigh. The butter knife was now embedded in the door to the kitchen.

"He's got good aim." Glorfindel commented to Erestor. "I can't wait until he begins weapon training. He has the potential of a wonderful knife master."

Erestor chose not to reply to this and elected to watch said knife as it began to fall.....

CRASH! Elrond turned around. The knife had fallen from the kitchen door -- right onto the three hundred year old numenorian vase sitting on the table next to the door. Elrohir clapped with glee. Elladan examined the torches on the wall. Elrond wondered if using Vilya would have any serious repercussions.

Elrohir decided that Elladan had had enough attention and now it was his turn. He stood up on his toddler legs and ran under the table. Of course, the table did have three shattered plates under and around it, but that was hardly his problem.

Elrond disagreed. "ELROHIR! Get out immediately from under that table before you hurt yourself." He did not notice Elladan jumping up and down behind him, attempting to pull down the torch from the wall. Why? I do not know. Such is the mystery of an elfling's mind.

Elrond was lucky that day. Or perhaps it was because the valar were going to need Imladris in the future and couldn't afford to have it burned down by a pair of toddlers. Either way, Erestor and Glorfindel decided it was time to intervene.

"You grab Elladan, I'll get Elrohir." Glorfindel told the advisor who was still watching the family with amusement.

"Agreed." Erestor replied. This of course, was easier said then done.

Glorfindel snuck around to the back of the table. Elrohir didn't notice him. That is, he didn't notice him until Elrond said, "GLORFINDEL! Please, will you help me get my son out from under the table before he gets himself killed!" Then of course, Elrohir noticed him.

Elrohir turned around and growled at the seneschal. He was determined to defend his table to the death. Glorfindel resisted the urge to hit Elrond over the head for revealing his position and, swallowing his dignity, returned Elrohir's growl with one of his own.

Elrohir was taken back. Grown elves didn't growl! They yelled, like his Ada when they were angry (obviously he had never seen Erestor in the early hours of the morning).

Elrohir was so surprised that he failed to notice when Elrond crawled under the table to grab his leg. He did notice, however, when his father started to drag him out from under the table. Elrohir kicked out, but it was in vain. Elrond stood up, handed the struggling elfling to Glorfindel, and turned around to grab Elladan.

This was when he noticed his chief advisor. Erestor was standing with his back to Elrond, holding Elladan -- who was fast asleep, with his thumb in his mouth. Elrond's jaw dropped. How DID they manage to do it?

"Erestor..... How did-"

Erestor turned around and eyed his friend. "It's their naptime, Elrond. Every day before they fall asleep, they are briefly unmanageable."

"I... WHAT?"

"Surely you must have noticed this trend by now."

Elrond shook his head in the negative.

"Trust me on this mellon nin, Celebrian had me record their 'schedule' when she noticed this pattern. Apparently she and Galadriel did the same."

"But..."

"I'll take Elladan, and Glorfindel will take Elrohir. He won't fall asleep for a half hour or so."

"What about...."

"You, mellon nin can clean up the dining hall." Glorfindel told him, and followed Erestor out the door.

Elrond eyed the room, then noticed the vase. Celebrian was so going to kill him.

Back in Erestor's study, Glorfindel put the no longer protesting Elrohir in one of the chairs. Elrohir looked sleepily up at him. "Glorfindel?" He asked (Glorfindel had, after many attempts managed to teach the twins to say his full name. Erestor had not been so lucky)

"Yes, Elrohir?"

"Where do babies come from?"

It was, the balrog slayer decided, going to be a long day.

ELVISH TRANSLATIONS:

Mellon nin = my friend

Ada = Dad

A/N So, what did you think? Funny? Boring? Good? Bad? Stupid beyond belief? Let me know! I've fixed various errors in this fic twice now, and if you see any more, I would love to fix those as well.