/cover photo by red-roka on Tumblr :0/

/This story is perfectly normal. There is nothing unusual about it./

/.../

/Just kidding, it's weird as fuck./

It was a late evening in Dorado. Symmetra was scrolling through multiple pages of anthroplanes hentai pictures on DeviantArt, when Lucio jumped into her room.

"Symmetra!" He yelled, "Stop watching those silly pictures and come with me!"

Symmetra switched from the tab with anthroplanes hentai to another one, this time with FNAF hentai.

"I can't live without hentai, Lucio, and you know it." She said, "What's more important than hentai?"

"Well, they're opening a new Taco bar right next to our base. And they have tequila, so…"

"You just want to make me drunk and use me for your perverted needs."

"Yes, that's exactly what I want."

"Cool, let's go then."

They went out of her room, jumping up and down and laughing, like little kids. Then Torbjorn appeared out of nowhere.

"Hello there, Lucio. And you too, Symmetra." He said.

"Hi there dwarf, what's up?" Lucio asked.

"Hey Lucio, it's not nice to call someone a dwarf." Symmetra told him, "It's better to say he's a midget."

They both laughed at Torb.

"Haha, very funny." Torb pretended to laugh, "At least it would be, if I didn't hear that joke for the millionth time I see you two together."

Then he pulled a blueprint from his anus.

"Take a look at this."

He showed them the blueprint, which showed plans of a new teleporter.

"What the fuck is this?!" Symmetra got mad, "Who made this? I thought I was the one who does teleporting in this fucking organization!"

"I made this blueprint based on the plans I stole from your office." Torb said and laughed.

Lucio got angry at him.

"You shouldn't have stolen her work. That's not nice. A decent person would not do that." He said.

"Well, I'm not a decent person then." Torbjorn laughed even more, "And the best part is, that it' far better than Symmetra's teleporter!"

Symmetra looked at him in shock.

"Yeah, you heard that, m'lady. It's BETTER! Because it's range is unlimited and only requires you to build an entrance, without having to go to the place you want to go and building the exit there."

Lucio and Symmetra were confused.

"So basically, you can choose where you want to go when you go through the entrance?" Symmetra asked.

"Yes. You think of the place you want to go, go through the portal and bam, you're there." Torb answered, "Well, I guess that's it for the explanation. I have to finish the prototype today. See ya!"

And then he went away.

Symmetra was sad :c She was no longer of use for her team.

Lucio saw her sad face and wanted to make her happy.

"Hey, Symmetra, don't worry. You're still credit to team!"

"Yeah? How? My teleporter was the only thing that was actually any good in my toolkit."

"What about your turrets? They're cool."

"They're weak as fuck, they only look cute."

"How about your shields? They can save someone from a death blow!"

"Don't make me laugh."

"And what about your chair that you summon and sit on it? It's very comfy, I sat on it once and thought: 'Damn, this is a one motherfucking comfy chair!' "

"…"

Symmetra's mood wasn't improving.

"Oh, how about that: You've got the finest ass in the entire Overwatch cast!"

"Yeah, I think that's true." Symmetra agreed and smiled, "I mean, have you seen Mei? She's cool and all, but her ass is the size of a big watermelon!"

"Yeah, haha!" Lucio laughed, "Not even mentioning Zarya!"

"Wait, I thought Zarya was a guy!"

They laughed and had a good time talking shit about the others. They went outside and stepped towards the new taco bar Lucio mentioned before.

Some Mexican dude greeted them at the entrance.

"Hola! Para el desayuno yo como pan con mantequilla y queso!"

Symmetra smiled and shook his hand. Lucio didn't, he just made a weird grin on his face.

"We're also very happy to be here, dear Mexican friend!" Symmetra said.

"Si, si, mis cojones son más grande que su cerebro!"

Lucio punched this guy in the face and he evaporated into thin air.

Then they both entered the bar and approached the barman.

"Hey mate, two tacos for us, one extra spicy, plus two bottles of tequila." Said Lucio, as the barman was noting.

"Oh, and a small portion of magic mushrooms, please." Symmetra added.

Lucio stared at her.

"Whoa, Symmetra, hold on a second. You're gonna make me eat shrooms like the last time? Remember how it ended back then?"

"Yeah, we both went into killspree and destroyed a couple of districts in Numbani. It was fun!" she said.

"Yeah, but if Overwatch didn't buy us out of the jail before a death sentence, it would not be so funny."

Then some Mexican dude brought two tacos and two bottles of tequila.

Lucio and Symmetra started drinking and eating. Lucio took the extra spicy one. When they finished eating, Lucio felt something weird in his stomach, so he farted very hard, destroying the wall and half of the building behind him.

They were thrown out of the bar by force.

"Hey! What about our shrooms?" Symmetra yelled, and someone threw a small package of shrooms at her face and shut the door.

Lucio got up and helped Symmetra get up.

"Well, it didn't go too well." He stated, "I hope at least that you finished your Tequila."

"Yeah, I did." She said, "Let's get dizzy now!"

They ate the shrooms and something weird happened.

After two minutes, they woke up completely naked, lying by their base's parking, and saw multiple buildings ruined around them. They heard a fire being put out somewhere close, police driving everywhere and rioters in the streets.

Then they saw a couple of gay porn magazines around them and a bunch of bananas and several cans of whipped cream.

Lucio and Symmetra got up and put on their clothes, which lied conveniently next to them.

"So, yeah." Lucio took a look around, "The others won't be happy."

"Yup." Symmetra scratched her head, "I think we're done here at Overwatch."

"You think so? What am I going to do now?"

"You can always return to the music business."

"Nah, I grew bored of that."

"Well, I think I'll start applying for a job in the porn industry." Symmetra stated, "With a fine body like this, every horny boy in India will fap to me being gangbanged by masculine guys."

"Hey, don't say that!" Lucio said, because Symmetra was about to cry, "We can run away, together!"

"Haha! Yeah, that would be cool!" she said and laughed, "Where would we run away to?"

"Anywhere!" Lucio said, laughing, "Even on a different planet!"

"Hahaha! That would be insane!"

At the same time…

Torbjorn was sitting by his desk, doing some engineering.

"Whoa, fuck me, I've spent over 10 hours making this bitch, but it finally works now!"

He looked at the teleporter he built and turned it on.

"Yeah, that looks nice. Now I just don't want to enter that. I wouldn't be able to return if I ended up somewhere far away from here!"

He felt really hot from the work.

"Shit, it's so hot in here that my ass is sweating like Roadhog on a beach! I need to open the window."

He opened the window, but he tripped and accidentaly threw the teleporter out of the window.

"Well, there goes my 10 billion fucking dollars worth prototype."

Back again to Lucio and Indian chick…

"Yeah, that would be cool!" Lucio said, "Just imagine us being on a different planet in a different solar system in a different fucking galaxy!"

"Kek! You're so funny, Lucio!"

And then the teleporter fell down onto them and sucked them up into a different galaxy, right before it crashed into tiny pieces.

To be continued…