Chapter 1: Perfect Day

"I hope you can forgive me, sweetie. But Jesse and I think that this will be for the best. Maybe one day you will understand."

Never had I been so hurt, yet relieved in my life. Those emotionless, false words rang through my head over and over on repeat, refusing to leave my memory. Little did my mother, who said these very words, know that she was complying with all my hopes and dreams. There was nothing I wanted more than to leave that house, despite the fact that I couldn't help but feel slightly heartbroken at the idea that my own mother would sign her rights away. To her little sister she hadn't spoken with since I was 10, mind you. Why did she do this?

Let me start from the beginning.

My name is Raegan Young. I'm 16 years old, and up until my mother decided being a parent was too hard, I lived in a shabby little trailer in the middle of nowhere, South Dakota. I never met my father, all I knew was that he had pale skin and blue-green eyes, and that's only because that's the only logical explanation as to why I have them too. My mom had me at 15, which pretty much sums up why my life has been one disaster after another. My grandmother, who I never met, told my mother when she was pregnant with me that she would help support her and me if she stayed in high school, got a job, and stayed away from drugs and alcohol. My mom refused, ran off with her boyfriend to the beautiful state of South Dakota, and decided that responsibility wasn't for her. Her boyfriend left her, so my childhood consisted of me doing everything for myself since I learned how to walk. I would cook, walk to school since I never had anyone to take me, clean, and work without any assistance from anyone but the few kind neighbors and teachers who knew of my situation and gave me a few opportunities so I could scrape by. Meanwhile, my mother was sleeping with anyone who gave her a second glance, getting high off of anything and drinking cheap booze with a sketchy looking stranger. At 6 years old, I was a pro at dragging my mother's passed out body to a sofa or bed, and hiding her vodka bottles.

When I was 9, my mom met Jesse. He seemed like an alright guy at first, he was the first of my mom's many boyfriends to have a car and a job, even if it was at a gas station. He had all his teeth, too, and his beer gut wasn't as predominant as the others. The thing I liked about him most was that when Mom got drunk or high, he only participated a little, and would spend his time with me. I really liked having him around. He made it much easier to be around my mom, even in her stupor, and even asked for me to call him 'Daddy'.

That's when it all went downhill. About the time I turned 10, I noticed he was looking at me differently, and when he thought I didn't notice, he would be grinning at me really weirdly. When I would cook myself dinner (which was usually some kind of sandwich or microwavable meal), he would come up behind me and rest his big, grubby hands on my waist. When I turned 11, he would do all the same things, but he would also kiss my neck, calling me 'sexy' or 'hot'. I would always try to run away, or get out of his grasp, but he was strong, and would only let me go when I said 'Daddy, please'.

Oh, believe me, it's much more uncomfortable to experience then to hear about, so don't even try to understand unless you do.

The first time it happened when I was 12.

See, luckily, he never raped me, ever, in the time I had known him, but he didn't need to. I was making myself a grilled cheese, about to start my science homework. When he came up behind me, leaving gross, wet kisses all over my neck. As uncomfortable as I was, it wasn't anything I wasn't used to, so I just tried to speed up what I was doing so I could leave. I finally gave up and plopped my half-made grilled cheese on a paper plate, turned around with a nervous smile, and tried to leave for my room. Suddenly, a sweaty hand grabbed my wrist roughly, and out of surprise, I dropped my dinner on the floor, and he pulled me behind him, despite my protest. He practically threw me on the lumpy mattress, where I stared at him wide eyed, frightened out of my mind.

Throwing himself on me, he straddled my waist, and left rushed, open mouthed kisses all over me. He didn't kiss me on the mouth since I was screaming and crying too much. He tore off my clothes, and that's when I realized he was going to hurt me, and there wouldn't be a thing I could do about it.

I blacked out after that, but I woke up, covered in bruises and hickies. I unfortunately didn't black out all the other times, and believe me, there were hundreds of other times. And in case you didn't already realize, I was molested, as well as physically abused.

Where was my mom during all this, you ask? Well, when she wasn't completely drugged out, she was a witness to a lot of this. Whenever she saw her beloved Jesse beat on me (which happened frequently after that dreaded first time), she would just pinch the bridge of her nose, or leave the trailer with a beer or a cigarette. I had tried to sit her down when she was somewhat sober to explain that her boyfriend was sexually abusing me, but she would just laugh it off and shake her head. "Rae-Rae, your imagining things. You shouldn't lie to your mother." she would say in a tired, slurred voice, as I would sit there, tears streaming down my face as I pleaded with her to believe me.

I'm pretty sure my teachers knew, or at least suspected not all was well at home, because after class, they would pull me aside, and ask questions like 'How did you get that bruise?' or 'Is there something you want to tell me, Raegan?' And of course, I would just shake my head with a weak smile, tell them I fell or something stupid like that. I mean, why would they believe me, my own mother didn't! So after a few close calls, Jesse decided that I was not allowed to speak, and made sure I understood him.

I was quiet to begin with, but now I just didn't speak unless it was a few, stuttered words. Eye contact was nonexistent with me, and I decided to just pay extra close attention to the floor wherever I was so I wouldn't attract any more attention. I couldn't even look at a boy anymore, and lost just about all the hope I had.

Just when I thought all my faith was gone, my mom came to me, more sober then I ever saw her, sat me down, and told me that she was setting up arrangements to live with her estranged younger sister, Emily, and her husband, Sam. She told me to pack up my belongings and that she had signed her rights as my mother to Emily, and I would now be in their custody.

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"Flight 134 has landed. Welcome to Seattle, Washington. You can pick up your luggage-"

I drowned out the rest of the pilot's words as I slowly got up, reaching for my large carry on (the only thing I owned that managed to hold all my belongings) and made my way to Seattle Airport. I had never flown on a plane before, and I didn't plan to again, it was probably one of the most terrifying things I had ever done. Wearing a pair of blue jeans, an oversized sweatshirt, and a pair of brown furry boots, my dark, wavy brown hair down, and no makeup, I hoped I looked somewhat presentable. I hadn't seen Emily in about 6 years after a huge fight my mom and she got into, so even though I realized she probably wouldn't recognize me, I prayed she at least had one of those name/card signs I had seen in movies.

After wondering for a few minutes in the huge airport, I saw a woman with dark hair and tan skin, scars marring her otherwise beautiful face, next to a towering, muscular man with a serious facial expression. The woman held a huge white poster board with 'Raegan Young' written on it in pink marker. 'Wait, Raegan Young, t-that's me! Is that really Aunt Emily? She looks so…different. Happy. I guess that man next to her is her husband, Sam.' I stupidly thought to myself as I walked slowly over to them. "H-Hello. I-I'm-"

"Raegan! Oh my goodness, you've grown up so much! You look so great. I knew it was you the minute I saw you, I know your eyes anywhere. Wow! I'm so happy to see you, Rae." Said the woman I instantly knew was my aunt. Emily stared at me with a gleam in her eye, her smile stretching across her whole face, as she tackled me in a hug. The man next to her merely stared on at the scene with a hint of amusement. I immediately stiffened at the contact, my fists clenching at my sides as her attempt at affection sent me right back into my uncomfortable self. The man must have noticed my tenseness, and put a hand on my aunt's shoulder, pulling her back slightly. Her smile faltered as she noticed I didn't make an attempt at hugging her back, but quickly cleared her throat, took my luggage from my hands, and started to walk. "So, Raegan, this is my husband, Sam. We live in a house on a Native American reservation on the coast called La Push. I'm sure you will love it here. Plenty of kids your age, and plus there is a beach and everything!" Emily said excitedly. As excited as I wanted to be, I couldn't help but still feel uncomfortable. I was a burden, I knew that already, but I knew that they probably didn't want me here. Emily's demeanor once again saddened, and she sighed. Sam lovingly wrapped his arm around her waist, glowering at me slightly. Guilt started to bubble up inside me. "T-That s-sounds great, A-Aunt Emily." I said quietly, hoping it would make her feel a bit better. It obviously worked, and she turned around to face me, the excited smile on her face again. "Oh, Rae, we are going to have so much fun! Sam and I cleared out the guest room for you, feel free to customize it and decorate any way you like. I want you to be as comfortable as possible!" Emily exclaimed. We headed out of the busy airport, and headed towards the parking lot, and headed in the direction of a red SUV. Sam took the luggage from Emily's hands, and threw it in the back, and unlocked the doors. I climbed in the back seat while Sam took the wheel and Emily sat in the passenger seat. "So Rae, I realize that it's gonna be a little difficult settling in since I'm sure this place is so much different, but I swear you will like it. I can't wait for you to meet everyone!" she said with her chipper voice. "Everyone? I thought it was just her and Sam," I thought to myself curiously. I rested my head on the window, focused on the scenery, as Emily chattered on.

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We finally pulled up to a small, cute house surrounded by woods. "Here we are! I hope you like it, Raegan. It may be humble, but it sure has a lot of character!" Emily said. I nodded my head, trying not to laugh at the fact that she hoped I liked her 'humble' home. She knew I lived in a trailer, this place was practically a mansion compared to where I used to live. As I motioned to grab my luggage, Sam had already grabbed it, and we started inside.

Inside was even cuter then the outside, everything had that homey, comfortable feel to it. "So, Raegan, I was thinking we could spend some time catching up, how does that sound!" Emily asked, her hands clasped together as she looked at me with hopeful eyes. Noticing I was making eye contact, I immediately lowered my gaze to the floor. "A-Actually, I was kind of h-hoping I could just r-rest for a while, is that a-alright? My trip was kind of e-exhausting." I said quietly. Emily nodded, but her disappointment was evident. "Yeah, sure, I'll just show you to your room. It's down the hall and to your right." She said, sounding dejected. I gave her a tiny smile for reassurance, and nodded a thank you.

The room was much bigger than the room I had when I lived in the trailer. It was simple, with white walls, wooden furniture and a full size bed. I quickly dropped my bag, crawled into the bed, pulled the white comforter over me, and fell fast asleep.

A few hours later, I woke up in a haze. It was probably one of the best sleeps I had ever gotten, possibly because I didn't cry, have a nightmare, or tremble in fear. I stretched my sore limbs, and looked at the small clock beside my bed on the night table, and it read 7 pm. Quietly, I straightened up a bit, and left the room.

"I'm serious, Sam, she hates me! It's probably because Sandra and I got in that fight about her all those years ago, when she was younger. Add that to the fact I haven't seen her or kept in touch for such a long time…"

"Emily, she doesn't hate you. I'm sure she's just stressed and a little homesick. It wasn't your fault you and your sister fought, you were just trying to be a good aunt."

I stopped as I heard the conversation, guilt pouring through me as Emily continued to vent to her husband. I sneakily walked past, trying not to be heard, in fear they would think I was eavesdropping. Just as I continued to tip toe down the hallway, I bumped into a hard, brick wall. 'Why is there a brick wall in the middle of the hallway?' I thought to myself, holding my head. "Jeez, are you okay? Hey! You're Emily's niece, right?" said a deep, happy voice. I looked up to see what looked like a slightly smaller version of Emily's husband. I nodded my head, and dusted off my pants so I wouldn't have to grab the hand that was being held out to me. "Well, I'm Seth. I'm Emily's cousin, so I guess I'm your cousin in some twisted way. Your name is Raegan, right?" he said speedily. I struggled to catch up with his chatter, but I was quite surprised to find out about him being my cousin. I didn't realize I had any other family besides Emily. "Oooh, quiet, are we? Well, that's sure to end soon. Everyone is really loud here, and extremely close. So, where are you from?" he said excitedly. Man, was everyone here happy and cheerful? Not that there was an issue with it, but it would definitely be something I have to get used to. Much to my surprise, he grabbed my hand and pulled me along effortlessly. "I-I'm from S-South Dakota." I whispered. He let out a low whistle as he led me to the kitchen area, sitting down at a huge table. "Wow, no man's land, am I right? Well, it's cool to have you here. I have a sister, Leah, who you will meet later. She's kinda grumpy, but she has her reasons. This is sweet! More family!" he said happily. She nodded her head, revealing a small smile at his boyish attitude.

A few minutes later, after only half listening to Seth's mindless banter, Emily and Sam walked in. "Oh, Raegan! I see you've already met Seth. How was your sleep?"

"G-Good, thank you."

"Oh, Rae, I'm so excited! I can't wait for you to meet everyone. We are having dinner here tonight, so everyone should be here shortly. Do you want anything in particular? Any requests?" Emily asked. I shook my head. "I'm serious, who is this everybody?" I kept asking myself. Just as soon as the thought repeated itself in my head, the front door opened loudly, and the sounds of deep laughter and conversation made its way through the house. My eyes instinctively opened, and I clenched my seat nervously. Seth looked over at me, raising his eyebrow. "It's okay, they're all super nice. Except for Paul. We're all… friends, like brothers." He said, laughing at his last statement like it was inside joke. 'I guess I should stay away from this Paul guy,' I thought cautiously. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw 8 burly men who looked practically the same storm through the kitchen, shoving each other playfully. "I swear Jacob, if I hear you talk about Bella one more time, I will smash my head repeatedly into a wall until I'm sure my memories have been erased." Said one of the men. Everyone started to laugh at the joke, as the man who must have been Jacob punched him in gut. I awkwardly stared at the table in front of me, hoping not to catch anyone's attention. "Hey, is this her?" said one of them, obviously gesturing towards me. My hopes of playing wallflower fell through. Seth nudged me with a smirk, probably wanting me to introduce myself, but I made no attempt. "Guys, this is Raegan, Emily's niece and my cousin. Raegan, this is the…group." Seth said, giggling at another inside joke. Emily put on her oven mitts and the guys all took a seat around the table. My face still refused to meet any of theirs, and I decided that perhaps Emily would want my help. I got up from the table and headed towards her. "A-Aunt E-Emily? Do you need any h-help?" I asked anxiously. Surprised, she looked at me with wide eyes. "Yeah! Thanks for asking. The guys rarely ever ask if I need anything." She replied. She instructed me to stir the pasta and sauce, and keep careful watch and take an occasional taste. "Rarely ask if she needs anything? If this were my house, I would make all of them help." I thought, but didn't raise my voice about it. As she started to cut up pieces of kitchen and put 4 whole loaves of garlic bread in the oven, I cleared my throat. "A-Aunt Emily?" I asked quietly. She immediately turned around, nodding her head. "C-Can I ask a q-question?"

"You just did."

"O-Oh, sorry…"

"I'm just kidding, Rae. Go on."

"W-What was it that you and my m-mom argued about that time?"

Emily automatically stopped cutting the chicken. "Y-You know, it's okay. Never mind." I mumbled. She shook her head. "No, no, I'm sort of surprised you remember, is all. It's okay. Um, it was just a little argument that completely blew out of proportion. Just something I thought I saw." She explained, waving it off. That caught my interest. "T-Thought you saw? What did you see?" I asked.

"You know, I was probably just misunderstanding. I really don't think it was a big deal."

"P-Please? I'm sorry I'm being so persistent. It's just been something I've been curious about."

"I…I thought maybe Jesse, your mother's boyfriend, was being a little inappropriate…with you. Like I said, it was nothing." She said, continuing to wave it off. I froze. Was there a possibility she knew? "W-What do you mean by i-inappropriate?" I asked. She practically whipped around, her mouth in a tight line and her eyebrows furrowed. "He never was, was he? He never…touched you…or anything, right?" she asked hurriedly. I shook my head no, despite the fact that my every thought was to say 'Yes, yes he did!'

"N-No. He never did anything." I whispered. She continued to stare at me, looking like she didn't really believe what I told her, but eventually turned around and finished what she was doing.

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Emily and I finally finished cooking, and we began to set the food on the table. I didn't really understand why we made so much, I mean I know she had quite a few guests, and they were male, but surely they couldn't eat THIS much. I finally sat down, and everyone started to serve themselves. I realized there were girls sitting next to a few of the guys who came in. Probably girlfriends or wives. I wasn't very hungry after the discussion with Emily, so I just grabbed a small plate of pasta. "Is that all you're going to eat?" said a girl with a permanent scowl across her face. I immediately looked down into my lap and nodded. "What are you, anorexic or something? Come on, I'm sure you want more than that, don't you?" the girl said with fake concern. Seth glared at her, whispering a 'knock it off'. That familiar feeling of being a burden crept up again, and I felt multiple pairs of eyes on me. "M-May I be excused?" I asked quietly. Emily nodded, pity in her eyes. I practically ran to the bathroom.

Locking the door behind me, I threw some water on my face and gazed at my reflection in the mirror. Blue green eyes that kind of looked like a cloudy day, pasty white skin with freckles underneath my eyes, dark, uncontrollably wavy hair that washed out my skin tone even more is what I saw staring back at me. I remember once when my mom was particularly drunk, she said I looked just like my father. That was about all she ever said about him. Suddenly, I heard a knock at the door, and I just about jumped out of my skin. "Hey, you okay in there? Emily wanted me to go and check on you." Said a gruff, deep voice. I nodded, not realizing he couldn't see me, and I opened the bathroom door.

I'm not exactly sure what happened next. I don't know if he was leaning against the door and I yanked too hard, or I stumbled, but I crashed right into the large, burly figure that towered over my 5'3" frame, and down I went. "Whoa, are you-" he started. The next thing I know, he's staring straight into my eyes, a look of admiration and love on his face. I immediately cut off eye contact, but he continued to stare at me with that creepy look on his face. I even waved a hand gently in front of his eyes, and he didn't even blink. Just as soon as the look came across his face, an expression of anger and frustration appeared, and without even a second glance, he stormed down the hallway. I quickly gathered myself to my feet, where I heard the front door slam, and made my way back to the kitchen. Everyone stared at me curiously, as Emily gazed at me with a tickled smile. What the hell just happened?